Gender Questions
91-100
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THE
QUESTION:
GE100: My 32-year-old fiance would be satisfied to make love
once every two months. After seven years together, I don't expect it
to be as frequent as at first, but is this average for a man of his
age?
POSTED NOV. 30, 1998
Nikki, 29, white female, Chicago , IL
ANSWER 1:
While I can't speak for your fiance, I am a 38-year-old
male and have no problem with regular, even frequent sex (many times
per week, when the opportunities arise ). It may just be normal for
him, or he may have some medical or physiological issue that should
be investigated. POSTED MARCH 4, 1999
Rod S., 38, straight white male, Tulsa , OK
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THE QUESTION:
GE99: Where did the rule that a girl can't ask a guy out come
from? Whenever I tell one of my friends "I like that guy a lot, I
think I'll ask him out," they say "You can't do that, the guy's
supposed to ask you out." Why is this?
POSTED NOV. 29, 1998
Kristi M., female, St. Petersburg, FL
ANSWER 1:
Back in the dark ages, it was the man's job to look for
sexual opportunity and the woman's job to say she wasn't interested
unless there was a wedding ring involved. If the woman called the man
first, she lost the ability to claim she wasn't interested, thus
giving her "a reputation." I, personally, am thrilled when a woman
takes the initiative. Many modern men are. These are enlightened
times, right? Yes, but some men are stuck in the dark ages. They may
assume your invitation to a first date is an invitation to immediate
sex. Also, many "old-fashioned" men are turned off by a woman who
shows independent thought or strong will. Decide what kind of man he
is, and what kind you want. If you're scientific and careful, you
could even use the first call as a screening method.
POSTED DEC. 1, 1998
D.W., 31, male
<DPWally@yahoo.com>,
Brooklyn, NY
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THE QUESTION:
GE98: My boyfriend of three months is very lousy in bed. He
does not believe in foreplay. I am a very affectionate person and
love being caressed and romanced. The first time we had sex it was so
awful and loveless that I cried (he doesn't know this). I am very
much attracted to him, and we have a great rapport. How do I tell him
how I feel? I do not want to hurt his ego.
POSTED NOV. 29, 1998
Jayna, female, Miami, FL
ANSWER 1:
Talk, talk ,talk. If there is a problem in any part of
your relationship, you should be able to talk about it. Show him what
you like and want. To make it more comfortable, ask him what he likes
and wants. Considering that making love is something you'll be doing
for many years, you should work at it now to make it better.
POSTED DEC. 1, 1998
Steve, 43, male, Boston , MA
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THE QUESTION:
GE97: Since ninth grade, I've believed girls and women lie
when they say they want a relationship with a "good man." I consider
myself a good person, but often find myself on the wrong end of
rejection. Just what do women want? (And no b.s. please!)
POSTED NOV. 27, 1998
Vincent, 25, male
<flame73@iols.net>,
Chicago, IL
ANSWER 1:
First, your definition of good might not mesh with someone
else's - each person has their own, and the fact that you consider
yourself a good person doesn't mean you'll fit someone else's
criteria. The second part is that you are probably at least partly
right - "good" may be part of what they're looking for, but it's
almost certainly not the whole story. Attraction is a strange
individual thing, and does not tend to listen much to reason.
POSTED DEC. 1, 1998
Catherine H., 25, married
<tylik@eskimo.com>,
Woodinvill , WA
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THE QUESTION:
GE96: How do you explain to young girls some of the problems
they could encounter with single motherhood when they see their "role
models," such as Madonna and Rosie O'Donnell, raising children on
their own?
POSTED NOV. 23, 1998
Lori, 36
<Loradrlng@aol.com>,
Menifee, CA
ANSWER 1:
You have to realize that from the time a little girl is
old enough to sit up, she is handed a doll to pretend that she is a
mommy, so it is not just the result of seeing Madonna. It is highly
glamorized. In high schools, they give kids a 10-lb. baby doll, and
they have to bring it to class, change it and pay someone a penny an
hour to babysit. After a week, they realize how much work it is. You
might want to give her an egg (raw, so that it is fragile), have her
put a face on it, and watch it for a week. If it breaks, she could be
jailed for abuse. If she leaves it on a shelf unattended, she could
be charged with neglect. Make her bring it with her when she plays,
eats, etc. Then talk about taking on that kind of responsibility
alone, possible prejudices, the sacrifices, and also talk about the
biological clock running out, and reasons why people choose to have a
child anyway. If she looks at all sides of the issue, my bet is she
will wait as long as she can.
POSTED DEC. 1, 1998
Craig, 35
<cmorris@loft.org>,
Minneapolis, MN
FURTHER NOTICE:
Some of the things these "celebrity single moms" have in
common is that they are older and have spent many years pursuing
their education and building their careers. Therefore, they have the
money to make their lives easier. They can afford personal
assistants, nannies, drivers and whatever else they need. Their lives
are very different from the lives of girls who have children before
they are able to provide for them financially. A girl who has a baby
and keeps it will end up being dependent on her parents, the father's
family and probably the welfare system, and will not be fully adult
and independent. I ended up adopting as a single woman and (so far)
it has not been all that hard because I have a very good income, and
also the patience and perspective on life that makes being a mother
now a lot more fun.
POSTED DEC. 9, 1998
P.J., 40, white, single, professional, adoptive mom
<civserv@yahoo.com>, San
Jose, CA
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THE QUESTION:
GE95: Is it considered discrimination for women to have long
hair but not men? Can an employer legally tell a long-haired male to
cut his hair or risk losing his job? Are workplace rules stating that
men should wear their hair in a "conservative and neat" manner
legally permissible? I only ask because I used to have long hair. It
was always clean and very well-kept. However, in the business world,
some people do not take a man seriously if he wears a longer
hairstyle. Therefore I cut it but still miss it very much.
POSTEDN NOV. 23, 1998
Stu, 27, white male
<hawkstu@juno.cm>, Wixom,
MI
ANSWER 1:
Some hamburger joints require women to wear a hair
thingie, lipstick, knee skirts, no socks and nylons. McDonalds won't
let beards over an inch or so, piercings or tattoos anywhere near an
interview. All my male friends who have long hair are in the business
or computer world. The blue-collar world is much more strict
regarding personal appearance than the white-collar world. If you'd
like long hair, perhaps a job where public appearance is not
considered a factor might be looked into.
POSTED FEB. 12, 1999
Aris A., 21, white/Hispanic female
<Arissssss@AOL.com>,
Alameda, Bay Area , CA
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THE QUESTION:
GE94: Do men these days prefer "natural" big breasts over
implants, and why (or why not)? Or, are breasts just breasts to men,
regardless of their make-up? I am a naturally, amply-bosomed female
who would still like to believe men prefer traditional, natural
breasts over artificial ones.
POSTED NOV. 17, 1998
Dee, 31, female, size 38DD, Detroit, MI
ANSWER 1:
I always have and always will prefer natural over fake,
whether it be breasts or anything else. Colored contacts bug me (they
never look real), too much make-up rubs off on clothing, a spray-on
tan looks ugly, etc. The same goes for breasts. I would rather have
the real thing than skin-covered bags of gel. I also believe that one
should never undergo any type of surgery unless it would be necessary
to improve or maintain health, not appearance.
POSTED NOV. 19, 1998
Stephen S., 31, male, San Antonio, TX
FURTHER NOTICE:
I prefer naturally large breasts over implants. There is a
difference in the feel and sway between natural breasts and those
with implants. I also don't like the way implanted breasts stick
straight out. Some look hard as rocks. They just don't look as
nice.
POSTED DEC. 16, 1998
Jeff, 42, male
<Jeffp65993@aol.com>,
Minneapolis, MN
FURTHER NOTICE:
Implants are also a lot of work, according to a friend of
mine who had them. The ones who have implants that are hard as rocks
have not put work into maintaining them. As a woman who loves women,
I much prefer real to implanted. And thank you gentlemen, for
agreeing.
POSTED FEB. 3, 1999
Kerry, 29, bisexual married female, CA
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THE QUESTION:
GE93: From a man's point of view, do you think women are
treated inferior to men, and if so, how and why?
POSTED NOV. 17, 1998
D. Price
<abqteachr@netscape.net>,
Albuquerque, NM
ANSWER 1:
I think women are treated differently in some ways and
quite worse in others. Our society abounds with major sins: Wife
abuse, double standards, unequal pay, glass ceilings, sexual
harassment, marital infidelity, etc. Why men (and in some cases
women) mistreat women in these ways is a mystery to me. I cannot
imagine striking a female or cheating on my wife, and in the two
opportunities I've had to influence hiring decisions, both of my
selections for the most qualified candidates (for engineering
positions) were female. That said, obviously some people are actively
abusing, victimizing or discriminating against women, and the only
"why" I can offer you is that we live in a world filled with stupid,
ignorant and sometimes evil people who will treat you this way if you
let them. I think the more interesting set of issues concerns areas
in which society treats women different from men. From chivalry to
women in the military to child-rearing/home-making responsibilities
to pornography - there are a whole host of areas in which
mistreatment is in the eye of the beholder.
POSTED DEC. 2, 1998
Mark, 31 white male, Alexandria, VA
FURTHER NOTICE:
I belong to a professional fraternity, which means we
allow men and women to join. But there is one member who will never
allow a woman to join as long as he is active. It makes me mad that
he won't let a person join just because they don't have a penis. The
women he disallows could turn out to be very valuable members of the
fraternity. Also, whenever I think about this, I think about the
Peabody Club, which, I believe, won't let women join. Just ask
yourself if you would like to be treated that way if the tables were
turned.
POSTED DEC. 2, 1998
Jeremy, 23, white male
<jeremyjw@engin.umd.umich.edu>,
Southfield, Mich.
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I think it is mainly for cultural reasons, and
Judeo-Christian religions are the most responsible for that
situation. A few centuries ago, for the Roman Catholic religion,
women did not even have a soul. For Muslims, women are still
considered as inferior to men. In elections, the right for a woman to
vote is not very old. Even now, in some Swiss states that is the
case. But the main question is about the definition of the word
inferior. Inferior, related to what? Is a man inferior to a woman
because he cannot give birth? Indeed, women and men are different,
physically and psychologically. And in some political, religious,
social or ethical matters, it is obvious that women and men should be
separated. Not because of level problems, but because in many
bi-sexual groups, the implicit sexual competition between women (or
men) prevents sincere and efficient relationships.
POSTED DEC. 4, 1998
Franck, 60, French republican
<fdondon@club-internet.fr>,
Paris, France
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THE QUESTION:
GE92: Why is it that you can meet a woman at a club and go see
her the next day, but if you meet one on the computer, they send you
through hell and back before you can meet them?
POSTED NOV. 16, 1998
B.J., <bjamust@aol.com>,
Detroit, MI
ANSWER 1:
Having Internet access for four years, I can tell you that
it is designed as an open forum for the exchange of ideas and
information. With that in mind, expect to meet that woman at a
club.
POSTED NOV. 23, 1998
Christopher D., 22, white male
<alphacentuari@mindspring.com>,
Arlington, TX
FURTHER NOTICE:
There is no way to screen people on the Internet. There is
no way to know whether the person you talk to is a psychotic murderer
searching for victims, a con artist looking for their next scam, or
honestly just a nice guy looking for a date. Lots of the people I
know have stories about Internet friends turning out to be total
lunatics who lied about everything they said on the net. Women have
more to lose when meeting with a total stranger - when was the last
time you heard of a man being found dead in an alley after being
raped and strangled?
POSTED DEC. 4, 1998
Colette, female
<inkwolf@earthlink.net>,
Seymour , WI
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THE QUESTION:
GE91: To women: If you cheated on your husband or boyfriend
and knew they would never find out, would you ever tell them?
POSTED NOV. 10, 1998
Eric H., Hispanic
ANSWER 1:
Yes. It would drive me crazy not to. (In fact, if I'm even
just attracted to someone, my husband usually gets to hear me go on
and on about whether this is something I want to pursue or not.) And
I'm lousy at keeping secrets.
POSTED NOV. 12, 1998
Catherine, 25 bi poly female
<tylik@eskimo.com>,
Woodinville, WA
FURTHER NOTICE:
No. Why tell him? I think it would only make things worse.
By admitting you cheated on him, he is liable to break off the
relationship.
POSTED FEB. 23, 1999
C. Washington, 20
<cnwashington@mail.millikin.edu>,
Decatur , IL
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