Best of the Week
of Jan. 30, 2000
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Jan. 30, 2000, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing our
new database using our search form, or, in
the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in our
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the new database as
well). In the Original Archives and the new database, you will find
questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. We encourage you to answer any questions relevant
to your demographic background, as well as to ask any provocative
question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily meant to
represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can provide a
window into the insights of an individual from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at our
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Order the hilarious and heartwarming
book on Y?
"Why Do
White People
Smell Like Wet Dogs
When They Come
Out Of The Rain?"
ISBN: 0-9675971-0-2
Question:
Why don't people think of teaching as a serious profession? I'm a
teacher, and whenever I tell someone who is not a teacher about my
occupation, they say something like, "Really" and try to change the
subject quickly. Or they will talk and compare it to their job and
infer that I am just a glorified babysitter. Is teaching that
disrespected?
POSTED 2/3/00
Mrs. Williams, Athens, GA, United States, 28, Black/African American,
Straight, Educator, Mesg ID 1302000112235
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Question:
If man is supposed to be a "higher" animal, why do homosexuals engage
in an activity, such as homosexual intercourse, that even animals do
not practice?
POSTED 2/3/00
Caryn, Denton, TX, United States, 38, Female, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Paralegal, Over 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 21200045453
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Question:
How will white Catholics feel if their next pope is black?
POSTED 2/3/00
E.D., Kansas City, MO, United States, 43, Female, Mesg ID
22200061008
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Question:
Is it normal for a 21-year-old woman to not have had her "first kiss"
yet or gone out with a guy? I am such a person. Guys seem to avoid
me. I don't consider myself ugly. In fact, I've been told that I'm
"pretty." Are there certain types of girls/women that guys stay away
from? I'm quite petite, 5-2 and no more than 105 pounds. Do guys
consider really petite girls a problem because they're worried we're
too delicate for them to handle?
POSTED 2/3/00
Katherine, Toronto, Ontario, NA, Canada, 21, Female, Asian, Straight,
Student, 2 Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID
21200094343
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Question:
I'm a California boy, born and bred. Both my parents were born here,
as well as three of my grandparents (my dad's dad was born in
Missouri). I'm mostly Chicano/Latino, so only some of my roots are
'back East.' My question is, why does virtually everyone outside of
this state (so it seems) think we're all a bunch of jet-setting,
fast-talking, unfriendly, shallo, flakey yuppies? I feel I'm a nice,
non-pretentious, easygoing fellow from somewhat of a working-class
background.
POSTED 2/1/2000
Dan, Los Angeles area, CA, United States, 21, Male, Pentecostal
Christian, Hispanic/Latino, student/dishwasher, Lower middle class,
Mesg ID 131200022320
Responses:
I think movies and the media really feed the stereotype. Shows
like Entertainment Tonight focus on the Hollywood elite, and these
are the jet-setting, fast-talking people you refer to. This is an
image many Americans associate with California. Also, any movie
featuring a surfer or skateboarder is either set in California, or
the character is from California. These are the only images many
Americans get of your state. This no excuse to buy into these
notions, but it happens. I'm from West Virginia, so facing ridiculous
stereotypes is nothing new for me. I'm supposed to be a
snaggle-toothed, backward hillbilly who has sex with my cousins.
Stereotypes build up over time, and with the media being the force it
is today, they are very difficult to break down if they are
constantly being reinforced through TV and film.
POSTED 2/2/2000
Marc, Morgantown, WV, United States, 23, Male, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Student, Over 4 Years of College , Upper
middle class, Mesg ID 21200012735
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Question:
Do gay and lesbian members of the service wish to be segregated -
i.e. separate showering and sleeping areas - until their value and
integrity to the military are recognized and proven?
POSTED 1/31/2000
Louis C., Minden, LA, United States, <Louiscooper@Hotmail.com>,
21, Male, Baptist, Black/African American, Straight, engineering, 2
Years of College , Upper class, Mesg ID 831199971322
Responses:
Gay and straight people have always served well together in the
military, and there would be no purpose in segregating us at this
point. Incidentally, recent statistics have shown that service
members who are discharged for revealing they are gay or bi generally
are ranked as better soldiers than the average service member. The
only question is whether gay people defending our country be able to
be honest and open about their families and significant others. Every
other nation in the developed world, and many in the Third World,
allow openly gay people to serve, with stronger militaries to show
for it. What rationale would there be for segregating the military?
Perhaps you ask this because blacks and whites and men and women were
segregated in the U.S. military in the past. However, that
segregation was based merely on ignorance and prejudice, and I doubt
many of us want to go back to those days.
POSTED 2/2/2000
Fred, Washington, DC, United States, 29, Male, Baptist, Black/African
American, Gay, banker/student, 4 Years of College , Middle class,
Mesg ID 212000124659
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Question:
I am utterly frustrated. I am a 31-year-old attractive, successful
woman who happens to use a wheelchair. Like any human being, I am
capable of love and intimacy and want very much to share my life with
someone. However, I have found that, in general, men are either
afraid of or intimidated by me. Some even give me looks like 'Yeah,
right, I don't think so.' It is very hurtful to experience a barrage
of rejection on a daily basis. I have many friends and am an actress
and singer. Through all of my many exciting experiences, I have yet
to meet someone to be with. Why is this a problem for men? Do you
guys really think you would be looked at as pathetic if you dated a
woman in a wheelchair? Do you honestly think a woman in a wheelchair
is unable to have sex?
POSTED 1/31/2000
Maria J. C., Bridgewater, NJ, United States, 31, Female,
White/Caucasian, Straight, use wheelchair, High School Diploma ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 817199925821
Responses:
You have a touching post, but I just want to answer the last
question. How does one know if a wheelchair-bound person, male or
female, can have sex? I would suppose that depending on the injury or
disease, some can and some can't. To most men, while dating, the
prospect of sex is important. The ones that say it isn't are lying.
It may not be the No.1 priority for simply asking someone out, but I
would say that within a date or two the thought has crossed a guy's
mind. Short of wearing a sign saying 'I am functional down there,'
how can this conversation occur without someone feeling awkward?
Sorry for a reply that is more question than answer.
POSTED 1/31/2000
Steve, Houston, TX, United States, 40, Male, White/Caucasian,
Straight, engineer, Over 4 Years of College , Upper middle class,
Mesg ID 1312000125217
Some men look for physically attractive women. Most men look for
someone to love, someone who will love them, a woman of good
character. A wheelchair will not attract a man, or a woman, for that
matter. The character of a person is what will attract others. If you
want to find someone who is loving, become a loving person yourself.
You'll most likely find Mr. Loving Lovable in places where loving
people are liable to frequent.
POSTED 1/31/2000
Ronald V., Edmonton, NA, Canada, Male, Mesg ID 131200025237
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Question:
What do black people really think when white comedians make jokes
about them, and when black comedians make jokes about white
people?
POSTED 1/31/2000
Robert S., Poole, IL, United Kingdom, Male, Mesg ID 11259993712
Responses:
This is a very touchy topic, and it really p****s me off. Black
people can go on stage and for hours make fun of whites. Also, they
call themselves 'niggers' over and over again. As soon as a white man
goes on stage, if he makes fun of black people or calls them
'niggers,' he'll get some dumbass charge laid against him.
POSTED 2/2/2000
Jack L., The Bronx, NY, United States, 16, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Student, Less than High School Diploma ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 21200093528
I am a 23-year-old Haitian woman. I like to think of myself as an
educated, well-focused black woman. To me, any black person who takes
offense to stupidity needs to rebuild their level of self-vonfidence,
as well as their self-image. I cannot speak on behalf of a white
person, but as a black woman, hearing white people joke about me just
gives me an extra incentive to make him bite his tongue.
POSTED 2/3/00
Marie M., Gainesville, FL, United States, 23, Female, Baptist,
Black/African American, Straight, Industrial Engineer, Over 4 Years
of College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 222000124257
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Question:
For a while I have been questioning my faith. I have studied the
ancient religions of Greece, Rome, Japan, Egypt and other countries.
Though we classify those ancient beliefs as 'myths,' ancient
civilizations lived and breathed their beliefs as much as people do
today. Why do I have the right to say those peoples were wrong? How
is Christianity right? If Christianity is true, then the billions of
non-Christians in the world are wrong and doomed. If Christians are
wrong, then the millions of Christians are misguided. I don't accept
either. I don't consider myself atheist; maybe agnostic, but I don't
like that label, either. I would like to hear some thoughts on this.
I can't really talk about it with my family.
POSTED 1/31/2000
Gerald A., Grand Prairie, TX, United States, 24, Male, Catholic,
Hispanic/Latino, Straight, Student, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
71699112442
Responses:
If you're standing on the South Pole, how many different ways are
there to get to the North Pole? You could say that there's only one
way - north, and that all other ways are wrong. Or you could say
there are many different ways and one can get to the North Pole
(through different countries, oceans, etc.) and that they each have
their good points and bad points, but in the end they all reach the
North Pole. Now imagine that you are a person who sails a passenger
ship from the South Pole up the Atlantic to the North Pole. You would
want everyone to use your services, so you might say that yours was
the best. And you might also try to discourage the use of other
routes - this would take away from your business, after all - so you
might say that no one has ever survived the journey on those 'other'
routes. But secretly you know that as long as the person goes north,
they'll get there... I don't believe I've ever seen a religion,
Christian or otherwise, say that another religion will also work.
Religions always want to be the one and only way to achieve
heaven/nirvana/immortality /valhalla/etc. And since they do that, by
extension they must say that anyone who uses any other religion must
be damned. I like to think of it as the 'Ghandi test' - find a
non-Hindu religion that says that Ghandi won't be damned. I don't
believe that you can - it's just part of religion. However, you can
remember that there's more than one way to get to the North Pole.
POSTED 1/31/2000
John W., Cleveland, OH, United States, 33, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Engineer, 4 Years of College , Upper
middle class, Mesg ID 131200043138
I say go for it. The whole point of your faith is that you have
faith. (Duh!) You have to believe in the message. If the message
doesn't make sense to you, then you should look for a message that
does. The ancient Greek and Roman beliefs are not popular today, but
if that's what works for you, then do it. My only caveat is to make
sure you really understand the whole message before making any
decisions.
POSTED 2/1/2000
Jesse N., Herzliya, NA, Israel, 40, Male, Jewish, Engineer, Mesg ID
21200021349
I think there are three main directions you could take. You could,
like so many, ignore the logical and intelligent thoughts you are
experiencing. You could decide that all religious people are "wrong"
and be an athiest, as I am. I believe that humans have evolved a need
for some kind of spirituality or purpose to their lives, but that it
comes from within their minds and not from outside the universe. Or
you could, like my partner, develop your own, perhaps more liberal,
view of your own faith. He believes that all religions are all
essentailly worshiping the same god or supernatural force, and that
none are better than each other, just different. He sees it as
natural that people from different cultures will have different forms
of worship. Of course, these thoughts don't sit well with all
religious beliefs, but in looking at the world as a whole and
thinking about our cultures from past times to the present (as I
think you are), I think it makes more sense than interpreting every
religious text literally.
POSTED 2/1/2000
Maddy, Birmingham, NA, United Kingdom,
<maddylogan@hotmail.com>, 25, Female, Atheist, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Student, 2 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
21200070300
I have also struggled with the same types of ideas. To a certain
extent you might be able to understand the concept of certain things
being referred to as myths. For example, we know that the sun doesn't
rise and set because of the sun god riding his chariot across the
sky. As far as questions regarding Christianity (or any other
religion), I think people always believe that their religion is the
one true way of thinking. I was brought up in a completely
religion-free household, but over time did my own research. I have
found that I identify more with Judaism than any other religion
(although I haven't taken the "plunge" and converted). To me, it's a
very personal decision, and I think that you don't have to believe
another's beliefs but at least respect them.
POSTED 2/1/2000
Danielle, Lakehurst, NJ, United States, 24, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Systems Analyst, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class,
Mesg ID 1312000111335
I have struggled with similar questions about religion. I do not
believe in the Christian concept that everyone who is not a Christian
is automatically going to hell. I do not believe that God would send
good people to hell just because they have a non-Christian belief
system. I believe that all religions in the world are different ways
of worshiping the same god. Religion started because people have a
basic need to know why we are on Earth and what comes after death.
Because people do not know the answers to these questions, different
religions developed to give people the answers they need. There are
so many different people in the world that one religion is not
sufficient to give everyone what they need. So many religions have
developed. Over time, some religions have dominated. Political
leaders have used religion to gain power over others, etc. But the
basic reason for religion is so that people can have something higher
than themselves to believe in and help them through hard times.
POSTED 2/1/2000
Lucy H., San Jose, CA, United States, 25, Female, Hispanic/Latino,
Engineer, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
1312000121742
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Question:
Whenever I tune into Spanish-language radio stations, the vast
majority are playing the same kind of music: tejano, with lots of
accordions, guitars, yelping and so on. When I drive through border
regions like El Paso-Juarez, Spanish-language radio stations
outnumber those that broadcast in English, and with few exceptions,
most are playing tejano. To me, this would be as if all
English-language radio stations played nothing but country, which is
definitely not the case. Do Hispanics universally like tejano music?
Why don't we hear other types of music played on Spanish-language
radio stations?
POSTED 1/31/2000
Dan, Denver, CO, United States, 33, Male, White/Caucasian, Over 4
Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 8311999114130
Responses:
It is probably just where you happened to be, because Tejano is
most popular in the border areas of both the United States and
Mexico. If you go farther into Mexico, you hear a great variety of
mostly AMERICAN music on Mexican radio, everything from soul,
R&B, motown, metal, country, etc. And naturally Latinos have as
diverse a taste in music as there is in their cultural experience. My
generation, those of us who grew up in the 1970s and 1980s, mostly
listen to metal, especially thrash and death metal, Slayer, Mercyful
Fate, etc. My mother and aunts grew up on rockabilly. The younger
kids now mostly listen to hip-hop. Other Latinos from different
national backgrounds listen to every type of music you can think of.
By the way, in many parts of the South and the Rocky Mountains, most
of the stations DO seem to be playing nothing but country when I
travel through.
POSTED 1/31/2000
A.C.C., West Lafayette, IN, United States, 34, Mexican and American
Indian, Mesg ID 1312000112443
I don't like Tejano/Ranchero music. You should note that most
Hispanics in America don't listen to Spanish-language stations. Those
particular stations are more aimed at the immigrant population, who
are way more fluent in Spanish than native-born Chicanos. I can't
speak or understand Spanish, and most of my friends' Spanish is
patchy at best, and they can't listen to Spanish broadcasts because
they don't understand the big words. Also, we prefer rock and hip-hop
over the 'traditional' stuff that 'real Mexicans' are supposed to
listen to. And you should also note that the Latin scene is far more
than Tejano and salsa. Bands such as Santana, Cafe Tacuba, Molotov,
Voodoo Glow Skulls, Cypress Hill, Los Super 7, Lighter Shade of
Brown, King Chango, Aztlan Underground, Los Lobos, etc. range from
classic rock to hip-hop to heavy metal.
POSTED 2/1/2000
Dan, Los Angeles area, CA, United States, 21, Male, Pentecostal
Christian, Hispanic/Latino, student/dishwasher, Lower middle class,
Mesg ID 131200055831
Your question touches on one of the pride and joys of Hispanic
culture, which is music and dancing. Do Hispanics universally like
tejano music? Heck no! Tejanos like tejano music! You hardly hear
tejano music here in Venezuela. I'm very Hispanic, and I like Isao
Tomita and Klaus Schultz. Hispanics have the influence of white
(European), black (African) and native-Indian (Aztec, Inca, etc.)
music; that's why latin music is so varied. I mostly listen to
bossanova, new age and pop-rock, but, like most people here, I also
enjoy and am great at (dancing) merengue, ska, soca, dream, salsa,
paso-doble, cumbia, gaita, trance, vallenato, raggamuffin, joropo,
drum n'bass, reggae, flamenco, mambo, guaracha, samba, hip hop and
even tambores (an African drum dance brought here by slaves, and very
popular). There are more than 500 classified types of rhythms from
Latin America, and add that to all the music we enjoy that comes from
other parts of the world. I believe Hispanics are the most musically
rich ethnicity in the world.
POSTED 2/3/00
Nelson A., Caracas, NA, Venezuela, 30, Male, Catholic,
White-Hispanic, Lawyer/Business, Over 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 21200030719
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Question:
I am an overweight, highly intelligent, witty, kind, empathetic high
school student who has never been on a date. Will I always be doomed
to picking up the remnants, or is there hope for me finding dates,
and, way down the road, love? I know that in American culture,
appearance is a priority, but does that mean that all men will always
look at the skinny girls first?
POSTED 1/31/2000
Jane, San Francisco area, CA, United States, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, student, Upper middle class, Mesg ID
817199915521
Responses:
In a strange way you are at an advantage. Of course there are
guys out there who are intelligent, witty, don't care about looks, or
quite possible like overweight women. High school is definitely
tough, but believe me, there are guys out there who will love you for
who or whatever you are. When I say that you are at an advantage,
look at it this way: I feel that most of the guys out there who are
only concerned with looks are usually pretty shallow and generally
insecure. If you feel that you maybe aren't exactly Cindy Crawford,
at least you know right off the bat that your guy goes for what's on
the inside. I firmly believe that there is a match out there for
everyone. Be picky, though. Don't take the first thing that comes
along just because you feel hopeless. It sounds like you've got a lot
going for yourself, and you deserve to wait until you find what's
best for you.
POSTED 1/31/2000
Danielle, Lakehurst, NJ, United States, 24, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Systems Analyst, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class,
Mesg ID 1312000111943
I think the size of a woman and what a man sees as being
acceptable has to do with your culture. White women are pictured as
being small/skinny. Ads, newspapers, magazines and billboards of
models and actresses all depict them as boney, and thus as the norm
of what the perfect woman should look like. On the other hand, I am a
woman of color and wear size 18 clothing, but I have no trouble with
dating. Men of my culture prefer a 'healthy' woman vs. skin and
bones. Also, women of color are not stuck on that stereotype that we
have to be small to be validated as women. To sum it up, it's a
culture thang!
POSTED 1/31/2000
Lisa, Detroit, MI, United States, 38, Female, Christian,
Black/African American, Straight, Clerical, 2 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 1312000122837
I suspect your biggest problems will be in high school. When you
move on to the university level, things will be very different. Yes,
we guys - in most cases - prefer ladies not much above
"well-covered." Yes, there are men who prefer larger ladies, but most
will only admit it in their 20s. If you want more choices, then maybe
lots of exercise and losing weight will bring you into contact with
good guys.
POSTED 2/1/2000
Kent, Melbourne, NA, Australia, 50s, Male, Episcopalian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Consultant, Over 4 Years of College ,
Upper middle class, Mesg ID 212000122522
Get thee to a college! I, like many people who are not mainstream,
had a rotten time in high school. But once I found my way around my
college campus, I found my crowd. It is much less clique-ish in
higher education. I'm sure there will be plenty of guys who don't
value "skinny-minnies" above all else waiting for you.
POSTED 2/1/2000
MamaGeph, Smokey Point, WA, United States, 27, Female, Christian,
Straight, Mama, 4 Years of College, Lower middle class, Mesg ID
212000124038
I, too, am overweight. Let me tell you, you will go on dates and
hopefully find the man of your dreams. But getting there is a big
challenge. I am outgoing, pretty and successful, yet I haven't had a
boyfriend in many years. Men tend to look at what is on the outside
instead of the inside. I found high school to be very painful. I grew
up in a small town and was always made fun of because of my weight.
It seems as though society tells us that overweight people are
useless and lazy. Men tend to think this way as well. It takes a very
special and caring man to love women like us. Keep your head held
high and always remember that some day, you will find the one. You
are your own person and you are special no matter what anyone may say
about you. Don't be in a rush. The right man is out there for
you.
POSTED 2/1/2000
Kassie, Albany, NY, United States, 28, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Sales, Technical School , Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 1312000105757
First, you are not hopeless. But everybody feels that way
sometimes, no matter what they look like, who they are, how many
friends they have, etc. Many people feel depression during high
school because it is a tough time. Times of transition are always
hard, and you are in the middle of the biggest transition of your
life - going from being a kid to an adult. But we all make it
through, and things get better. I know that is hard to believe when
people keep telling you that high school is the best time of your
life. Trust me - it's not. As for dating, believe it or not, a lot of
kids don't date in high school. For now, concentrate on your friends,
because ultimately, they are much more important than any guys you
would go out with. Once you get to college, there will be many more
guys than in high school, and the guys are more mature. More guys
will be interested in you, not just your body. Some men will always
look only at what women look like, but who wants a superficial guy
like that ,anyway?
POSTED 2/1/2000
Jacqueline C., San Jose, CA, United States, 26, Female,
White/Caucasian, Engineer, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
1312000123747
I believe that guys and girls have been mentally conditioned to
view 36-24-35 and a "perfect" face to be the standard against which
all else is measured. This is entirely a Western thing (with the
exception of some minority communities). Yet it's even creeping into
Eastern societies. Anorexia does not exist in Nepal ... yet. This
emphasis is the reflection of the shallowness of a culture that
places the outside above the inside. A guy who sees past all this and
desires love, not "arm candy," is waiting for you somewhere in this
world.
POSTED 2/1/2000
Dan, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 21, Male, Pentecostal Christian,
Hispanic/Latino, Student/dishwasher, Lower middle class, Mesg ID
131200061036
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