Best of the Week
of Feb. 18, 2001
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Feb. 18, 2001, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing
Y?'s new database using the search form,
or, in the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in
the Original Archives (all
questions from the Original Archives have been entered into
the new database as well). In the Original Archives and the new
database, you will find questions that have received answers, as well
as questions still awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer
any questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to
ask any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
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answering questions.
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Question:
Do the Jewish and Muslim religions have special guidelines
regarding step-parenting and foster or adoptive parenting? If so,
what are the recommendations to members of their faiths?
POSTED 2/19/01
Kathi L., Camas, WA, United States, Female
Mesg ID 21501110052
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Question:
To gays and lesbians: When did you know you liked the opposite
sex? And how did you know that was how you really felt?
POSTED 2/19/01
Michelle G., Porterville, CA, United States, 29, Female
Mesg ID 21601112835
Responses:
We get asked this question quite a lot on Y Forum, so I hope I am
not being too flippant in suggesting that 'I realized I was queer
about the same time you realized you were straight.' It's the same
process: a gradual realization that you probably never really notice.
POSTED 2/22/2001
Ben S., Hobart, NA, Australia, <bscaro@hotmail.com>, 32,
Male, Rosicrucian, White/Caucasian, Gay, Student, 4 Years of College,
Lower middle class, MsgID:2212001122425
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Question:
For the ladies: We men are being bombarded by magazine articles
that allege that half of all women want to sleep with this Hollywood
actor or that gorgeous pop idol. Because it has become so fashionable
for women to express these desires, can anyone give me a good reason
why I should marry my partner on the basis that she will promise to
forsake all others? I really do believe, when it comes to the crunch,
that very few married women would be able to resist the temptation to
have a bit of fun on the side if Mr. Right were to pop up.
POSTED 2/12/01
David, Oxford, NA, United Kingdom, 45, Male, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, teacher, 4 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 21001113526
Responses:
Women can certainly ask this question of you men, and it has been
asked by women regarding men for centuries. Men are the ones
constantly bombarded by half-naked Hollywood honeys. How do we, as
women, know if you are willing to 'forsake all others' for us? I
think women can resist temptation far more strongly than men.
POSTED 2/19/01
Redeemed One, Newport News, VA, United States, 52, Female,
Black/African American, HR Coordinator, 4 Years of College , Middle
class
Mesg ID 21301110133
Your question indicates you seem to have low self-esteem. Who is
to say that YOU'RE not Mr. Right? Why should a partner of yours think
someone is better than you?
POSTED 2/19/01
Priscilla, Sydney, NA, Australia, 24, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, 4 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 2140141610
It's been fashionable for men to express such desires for far
longer than it has for women, but women still risk having faith in
their male partners. Your assumption that few married women would be
able to resist temptation is generally much more applicable to
married men. Why should she trust you? I do wonder what a fashion for
expressing such desires has to do with your actual relationship with
your partner. Your question about why you should trust your partner
to forsake all others has to do with the level of love and trust
between you and your partner. It has nothing to do with a general
'fashion' for expressing such desires. The only question at issue
between the two of you is do you trust each other to forsake all
others, not do you trust all members of the opposite gender to do so.
POSTED 2/19/01
Jean, Plano, TX, United States, 40, Female, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, writer, Over 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 21501102319
There are male AND female jerks. If a person knows his or her
partner's character, he or she can evaluate whether a match will be
honored by each other. It is a good idea to evaluate character prior
to such a committment. If character is proved, a person is the sum of
his/her choices, and not the sum of his/her hormones.
POSTED 2/19/01
Ronald V., Edmonton, Alberta, NA, Canada,
<draugas@mailcity.com>, 48, Male, Christian, White/Caucasian,
Over 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 2150123259
Give us a little more credit. Sure, there are some women who would
be unfaithful given the chance, but the same could be said about men.
Keep in mind the type of people who write for the fashion magazines.
Hollywood does not represent the majority of society. Most people who
choose to get married keep their marital vows.
POSTED 2/19/01
Trudy, San Jose, CA, United States, 19, Female, Mormon,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Student, 2 Years of College
Mesg ID 2160111417
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Question:
I am curious about the history of giving someone the middle
finger. To be specific, what is the origin and how did it come to be?
POSTED 2/12/01
T. Thomas, Flint, MI, United States, 30, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, driver, 2 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 21101115341
Responses:
There's a rumor that it comes from a battle during the Hundred
Years War, when British soldiers cut off the middle fingers of
archers to prevent them from using a bow, then taunted them by
flipping theirs. However, this is highly unlikely, as this site
shows: http://www.snopes.com/spoons/fracture/pluckyew.htm Most likely
the longest finger is supposed to represent a male member, as a way
of saying: 'Up yours!'
POSTED 2/19/01
Andy B., Sharon, MA, United States, 16, Male, student, Middle
class
Mesg ID 2150151642
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Question:
Why are gay people gay? And why do they like anal sex and
fisting?
POSTED 2/19/01
Andrew, Miss, n/, Denmark, Male
Mesg ID 2160153151
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Question:
I have noticed the words "NO FEAR" on caps, shirts, bumper
stickers and car window decals. I also received an e-mail stating
that the phrase "NO FEAR" is the National Organization For a European
American Race. The e-mail also stated that this group was supported
and backed by former KKK member David Duke. Could someone shed some
light on this for me?
POSTED 2/12/01
Lion, St. Louis, MO, United States, 30, Male, Black/African
American, Straight, Technical School , Middle class
Mesg ID 2110121532
Responses:
The organization is for real. Duke deliberately chose the name to
try and take advantage of the clothing brand's name. The company has
nothing to do with Duke at all, though. In fact, they have a lawsuit
against Duke's group for product name infringement (right term?) and
trying to libel their company name.
POSTED 2/14/01
A.C.C., W. Lafayette, IN, United States, Male
Mesg ID 2120143646
The two are unrelated. However, the clothing company was
attempting to stop N.O.F.E.A.R. because of the confusion.
POSTED 2/14/01
Me, San Francisco Bay area, CA, United States, Male, Over 4 Years
of College , Upper middle class
Mesg ID 2120155940
The NO FEAR logo is a name brand, which I first saw on adventure
sports gear. It was meant to conjure images of an intrepid adrenaline
junkie racing through some thrilling, awe-inspiring personal athletic
challenge ... with no fear. Wear the gear, become fearless. Not for
couch potatoes. I have seen the logo a lot lately as decals on muscle
cars. Same idea: bravado. That someone would ascribe such a sick and
twisted acronym to this merchandise is weird.
POSTED 2/14/01
Cheryl, New Haven, CT, United States, Female
Mesg ID 21301112009
NOFEAR (National Organization for European-American Rights) is, in
fact, a white supremacist group run by David Duke. However, No Fear
(in slightly graffitti-ish text) is a clothing and sportswear
company. The No Fear brand is very popular, with shirts, bags,
stickers, caps, etc. available with inspiring 'go for it' messages.
More information can be found urban legend web site Snopes at
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/outrage/nofear.htm
POSTED 2/14/01
Iteki, Stockholm (Via Dublin), NA, Sweden, 24, Female, Recovering
Catholic, White/Caucasian, Lesbian, Student, High School Diploma ,
Lower middle class
Mesg ID 2130123207
It seems that white people are afraid of black people. For
example, white women clutching their purses at the sight of a black
man. Or locking car doors when a black person crosses the street. It
flatters me that white people think enough of blacks to feel they
have to make up a slogan to prove they are not afraid of us.
POSTED 2/14/01
Jasmine, Jacksonville, FL, United States, Female, Black/African
American, Straight, Customer Relationss, Technical School
Mesg ID 2130141011
No Fear is a clothing company that has been around for almost a
decade. I'm 25, and when I was in high school, all the 'jocks' wore
their stuff, had the stickers, etc. I guess anyone could claim it
means whatever they want, but it's just a clothing line. This is the
same thing that happened in the '70s, when KISS was a popular band.
All the parents got scared because KISS supposedly stood for 'Knights
In Satan's Service.' Someone just got really bored one day and
started a chain e-mail about No Fear.
POSTED 2/14/01
Marc, Morgantown, WV, United States, 25, Male, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Grad Student, Over 4 Years of College ,
Upper middle class
Mesg ID 2140112031
There is and has been for some time a clothing label called 'NO
FEAR' that targets the young urban and suburban market. The clothes
and accessories can be purchased at most major depatment stores.
About 2 or 3 years ago, David Duke, a former KKK member from
Louisiana who once had political aspirations, incorporated his own
white supremacy group called National Organization for European
American Rights. He claims it's just a coincidence that the initials
spell out 'no fear.' But no one believed that, especially not the
clothing label of said name. It sued David Duke and his group for
trademark infringement, and won, sending Duke once again with his
tail between his legs to his cave to lick his wounds.
POSTED 2/19/01
Amanda, New Orleans, LA, United States, 21, Female, Christian,
Black/African American, Straight, student, 4 Years of College ,
Middle class
Mesg ID 21701122813
The e-mail you reference is wrong. To quote from an Urban Legends
database: 'The retailer whose logo is now being confused with that of
a white supremacist group, No Fear Inc., is a California-based
manufacturer of young men's activewear and gear that has been in
business since 1989. It currently employs 150 people, and its
products are sold at outlets around the world.' It has nothing to do
with the group started by David Duke. In fact, the company probably
has good grounds for a trademark and copyright infringement lawsuit
-- and they could do us all a favor and bankrupt another hate group.
For more information, check out this link:
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/outrage/nofear.htm.
POSTED 2/19/01
Michael, Houston, TX, United States, 39, Male, Methodist,
White/Caucasian, Gay, E-Business Manager, 4 Years of College , Upper
middle class
Mesg ID 21901113504
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Question:
I have noticed often, not always, black women wearing 'slip on'
styles of shoes with their heels hanging off the back. Why don't they
buy shoes to fit them correctly? Does it make them feel good to say
they wear a smaller size, or do they borrow the shoes from someone
who wears a smaller size, or do they feel comfortable this way? Just
curious.
POSTED 2/12/01
T.G., Springfield, IL, United States
Mesg ID 2120110248
Responses:
I've never noticed this to be a racial thing. It's a shoe thing.
I have several pair of slip-on shoes, and if I don't buy them a half
size smaller, my feet will stretch the bands just enough that they
become too big, and my feet will slide right through if they are
open-toed. I have seen people wearing slip-ons, and they are
constantly trying to get the shoe back onto their foot. I don't need
that hassle, so I buy them a half size smaller.
POSTED 2/19/01
Senetra, Anderson, IN, United States, 27, Female, Baptist,
Black/African American, Straight, customer service, 2 Years of
College
Mesg ID 2150124602
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Question:
Why do white people murder their spouses and children for
money? I'm curious because of stories I read. It's either they're
going broke or they don't want to see their spouse with someone else.
I know it's not all white people, just quite a few.
POSTED 2/12/01
Crystal K., Chicago, IL, United States, 28, Female, Baptist,
Black/African American, Straight, accountant, Over 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 2120124555
Responses:
I live halfway between Baltimore and Washington, where there are
a lot of black people and white people. Despite the fact that they
all seem to murder each other just for the hell of it, there has been
more than one case of black homicide for money - the famous 'hit man'
murder in Montgomery Counnty, Md., for example. The fact is that most
black people don't have much money, or the money they kill for is
clandestine - drugs, debt, fraud, etc. Citizens from the black
community seem to settle many disputes with physical violence that
frequently demands final retribution.
POSTED 2/14/01
Bob, Laurel, MD, United States, Male
Mesg ID 2130182342
As there are more whites in the United States than other races, we
tend to get more coverage, good and bad. O.J. Simpson was black and
killed his wife for, among other things, money. I don't think this is
a white thing. Just a murder thing.
POSTED 2/14/01
Brian, Peru, IN, United States, 25, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, journalist, 4 Years of College , Middle
class
Mesg ID 21401120835
As there are more whites in the United States than other races, we
tend to get more coverage, good and bad. O.J. Simpson was black and
killed his wife for, among other things, money. I don't think this is
a white thing. Just a murder thing.
POSTED 2/14/01
Brian, Peru, IN, United States, 25, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, journalist, 4 Years of College , Middle
class
Mesg ID 21401120835
As there are more whites in the United States than other races, we
tend to get more coverage, good and bad. O.J. Simpson was black and
killed his wife for, among other things, money. I don't think this is
a white thing. Just a murder thing.
POSTED 2/14/01
Brian, Peru, IN, United States, 25, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, journalist, 4 Years of College , Middle
class
Mesg ID 21401120835
As there are more whites in the United States than other races, we
tend to get more coverage, good and bad. O.J. Simpson was black and
killed his wife for, among other things, money. I don't think this is
a white thing. Just a murder thing.
POSTED 2/14/01
Brian, Peru, IN, United States, 25, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, journalist, 4 Years of College , Middle
class
Mesg ID 21401120835
The biggest difference I see is that the people are married. In
the black culture, I don't believe people marry as much, so it is
just refered to as murder. Whites, I believe, have a more
conservative sense of family, so when that relationship is abused, it
shocks more, hence the headlines. Don't worry, no one group has a
'heads-up' on the murder market.
POSTED 2/14/01
Matthew, New York City, NY, United States, 43, Male, actor, Middle
class
Mesg ID 2140180741
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