Best of the Week
of March 23, 2003
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of March 23, 2003, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries
from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing Y?'s database
using the search form , or, in the case of
posted before April 24, 1999, in the Original
Archives (all questions from the Original Archives have
been entered into the database as well). In the Original Archives, as
well as in the database, you will find questions that have received
answers, as well as questions still awaiting responses. You are
encouraged to answer any questions relevant to your demographic
background, as well as to ask any provocative question you desire.
Answers posted are not necessarily meant to represent the views of an
entire demographic group, but can provide a window into the insights
of an individual from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at
Y?'s guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
The book on Y? is
here!
"Why Do White People
Smell Like Wet Dogs
When They Come Out Of The Rain?"
Order it here!
Read the Associated Press story
on "Wet Dogs"
Question:
Are all the kids out there slackers? That's a question I would ask
myself about young men my son's age. He's 20. I don't ask that
anymore. He left March 19, 2003, to report to the 101st Air Assault
Battalion after spending two weeks at home on leave after Army basic
training and quartermaster school. I have a lot of respect for the
young men (especially my son) who have chosen to enlist to support
our country during these difficult times. You don't need to support
the war in order to support our troops. Slackers? Not on your life.
I'm looking at this generation of young men in a different light than
I did previously, with pride. I'd be interested to know how the young
men of this generation feel about the U.S. military as a viable
option and how they feel about world events. (No, I'm not a
recruiter, just a parent of three young adult children).
POSTED 3/24/2003
Bill, Burlington, VT, United States, 44, Male, White/Caucasian,
Finance, Over 4 Years of College, Upper class, Mesg ID
321200335115
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Question:
I know someone who is from a background of the "working poor" (I hope
that term is all right). She has a regular job and works hard but is
always struggling financially. She is about to buy a $15,000 car on
credit. I am from a middle-class, educated background and have
trouble understanding this decision. Why would she invest so much
money in a car instead of, say, going back to school part time to
become a nurse, which she says she wants to do? (P.S. She is the same
race as me.)
Original Code C10. Click here to see responses from the original
archives.
POSTED 1/11/1999
Jessica N., New York, NY, United States, 26, Female, Middle, Mesg ID
1119970954
Responses:
Coming from a person who is what you would call working class, I can
relate to your friend. If I had the chance I would also get the car.
Your friend probably would like to go to school and get her nursing
degree, but like most of us, she has to put a roof over her head and
food in her tummy, and she has to get back and forth to work to do
so. I have continued on the road to education and am walking to class
and work every day just to keep myself out of debt and my head above
water. After purchasing the car your friend may return to school and
finish. By the way, coming from the working class, this isn't as easy
as it sounds. We haven't had everthing just given to us, so we
consider some things more important. I would love to have a car, but
right now I can only have one or the other, and I choose education
over transportation.
POSTED 3/24/2003
Melissa C, FAFB, WA, United States,
<ladyrain@stinkyferret.com>, 20, Female, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Housekeeper, High School Diploma, Lower
class, Mesg ID 320200323938
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Question:
How do you know if you're gay? Is there any way to find out or help
you find out? I live in a community that is very unaccepting and
prejudiced toward gays and lesbians. I think I might be gay, but I'm
not sure. One day I think I like guys and the next I think I like
girls ... and the next I like no one. Can someone give me some advice
for dealing with a prejudiced community and figuring out who I
am?
POSTED 3/23/2003
Allie, n/a, OH, United States, 15, Female, White/Caucasian, don't
know sexual orientation, Less than High School Diploma, Mesg ID
322200390042
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Question:
I'm 19 and went to a dermatologist recently. He said that if I don't
use Rogaine I will be obviously bald, at first glance, in 3 to 5
years (I'm balding in the front, not 'crown balding'). That stuff is
a big hassle and a pain in the butt to use, but I can put up with it
if I have to. But do girls (specifically those 17-25) really care
about baldness at my age? Can I let myself go bald?
POSTED 11/8/2002
Ian C., Broken Arrow, OK, United States, 19, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, student, 2 Years of College, Lower middle
class, Mesg ID 116200263841
Responses:
Shave your head! I am a 25-year-old woman and think a mature man with
a shaved head can be very sexy. A man who is witty and smart will
always turn my head. So shave yours, and don't worry about it. That
is much better looking than balding. Rogaine is kind of a turn-off to
me. I've heard that Rogaine doesn't work for receding hairline,
anyway, so shave it baby!
POSTED 3/23/2003
Andrea, Santa Cruz, CA, United States, 25, Female, Straight, student,
2 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 321200325316
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Question:
Why is it that when white people are grouped together, such as
during spring break, bike fests and so forth, they have no shame in
performing sexual acts out in the open? It is as if they have lost
all sense of pride. You would never see black people doing such
things, such as performing oral sex or putting a beer bottle in a
woman's vagina in front of people, all recorded on film. Do they not
realize their family will eventually see this?
POSTED 2/2/2003
Ms. Molly, Clermont, FL, United States, 34, Female, Christian,
Black/African American, Lesbian, Retail Manager, 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 22200353542
Responses:
White people don't have a monopoly on this. The occations you
mentioned usually involve free-flowing alcohol and illegal drugs,
which lowers the individual's inhibitions. I have found other races
do this as well when they let off steam. Asians do this on business
trips to the United States, Saudis do this when they vacation in
Bahrain, Europeans do this in Amsterdam on vacation and business
trips, and African Americans do this in every nightclub in the United
States every weekend.
POSTED 3/23/2003
S.Gentry, Spokane, WA, United States, 36, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Technical School, Middle class, Mesg ID
3232003110007
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Question:
I worked with a lot of African-American women at a fast-food
job when I was 16. I was given a warning by my boss for flipping my
hair because the African-American women said it was 'a prejudiced
action.' They wouldn't explain to me why. To African-American women:
If you think a white woman who flips her hair is prejudiced, why do
you feel that way?
POSTED 3/11/2003
Mary, Winston-Salem, NC, United States, 23, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, 2 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 311200322742
Responses:
I don't believe that it's as much prejudiced as it is not a clean
practice while working around food or a place that serves food. You
should recognize that no one likes to find hair in their food, and
when you flip your hair that's basically what these ladies were
saying.
POSTED 3/23/2003
Beth, Spokane, WA, United States, 22, Female, Baptist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Government, 2 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 321200395043
Your boss' comment ranks up there as one of the more ridiculous
statements about race relations. Comments like that perpetuate racism
and stereotypes. It's been said here before, but I will say it again:
please don't base your opinion of an entire race on the actions of a
few. How are flipping hair and being prejudiced related?
POSTED 3/24/2003
Redeemed One, Newport News, VA, United States, 54, Female,
Black/African American, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg
ID 313200340425
I don't understand how flipping one's hair could be considered a
'prejudiced action.' If a girl's hair is in the way, it's got to be
put out of the way, somehow. Maybe she was mad about you touching
your hair in a place that serves food or something and didn't know
how to express that. To me, her statement makes about as much sense
as saying brushing your teeth makes you a racist.
POSTED 3/24/2003
Nia, Brooklyn, NY, United States, 22, Female, Christian,
Black/African American, Straight, art student, Over 4 Years of
College, Upper class, Mesg ID 313200393649
I don't think flipping hair is prejudiced, but it is a way to say
'screw you.' I do it all the time, especially to females, because
it's just a brush-off.
POSTED 3/24/2003
Kayne, Raleigh, NC, United States, 18, Female, Baptist, Black/African
American, Straight, Student, High School Diploma, Middle class, Mesg
ID 3132003102012
That's pretty odd. I think the people you formerly worked with are a
little touched in the head. I have heard before of some people
believing that that action is prejudiced, but it isn't. Some black
women who feel that it is prejudiced probably feel that way because
they feel you're 'taunting' them with your beauty. (Example: Beauty
is defined in America as having straight, long hair...etc) In my
opinion, your boss was wrong to reprimand you for that. They couldn't
explain it to you because there is no reason. Just years of being
brainwashed. I flip my hair, especially when it's in my way.
POSTED 3/24/2003
Anna, Providence, RI, United States, <LiaTheAngel@yahoo.com>,
18, Female, Catholic, Black (Ethiopian)/Indian (East India),
Straight, Student, High School Diploma, Upper middle class, Mesg ID
316200371105
I don't think it is prejudiced unless you are doing it to get on a
black person's nerves. Swinging your hair comes naturally if you
aren't black. If you asked a black person what bothers them the most
about their body, they would probably say their hair. Every other
race in the world has flowing hair.
POSTED 3/24/2003
Denisia, Chantilly, VA, United States, 21, Female, Black/African
American, Mesg ID 3182003122739
Sometimes I consciously flip my hair to get it out of my way. At
other times I might do it subconsciously just out of habit. I've
never heard of hair-flipping being offensive. I'd be upset if someone
(of any race) did it over my food or hit me in the face with their
hair. That's just plain gross. Was your boss African American? Maybe
you were the one experiencing prejudice.
POSTED 3/24/2003
Finesse, Pittsburgh, PA, United States,
<finesse_29@blackplanet.com>, 29, Female, Black/African
American, Straight, Mesg ID 318200323924
I do not think black women find this a prejudiced action. They are
made to feel less than because most of them do not have the ability
to grow long, beautiful hair. Beautiful hair is seen as a very
attractive, feminine feature by men, and when you do not have it,
envy rears its head. Hair tends to be a touchy subject with black
women, and you flipping yours may have created tensions at work. Do
not forget that it was black women who coined the term "good
hair."
POSTED 3/24/2003
William, Charleston, SC, United States, 41, Male, Methodist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, sales, 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 318200360356
I don't believe a white woman flipping her hair is a sign of
prejudice ... unless the woman is flipping her hair because she knows
that the average African American's hair will not flip in the same
manner. This has a history. A white woman flipping her hair around
was seen as a sign of beauty, and because African-American hair is
less likely to 'bounce and behave,' and African Americans have been
constantly told that their hair is ugly because of this, many blacks
feel instant offense when they see white women constantly flipping
their hair. Personally, I just think it's not a good idea to flip
one's hair around food products. If i were your manager, I would have
asked you to wear a hairnet or put your hair in a ponytail to avoid
the flipping all together. But no, I do not think you were being
prejudiced, just unaware of the history. I worked with a lot of
African-American women at a fast-food job when I was 16. I was given
a warning by my boss for flipping my hair because the
African-American women said it was 'a prejudiced action.' They
wouldn't explain to me why. To African-American women: If you think a
white woman who flips her hair is prejudiced, why do you feel that
way?
POSTED 3/24/2003
Sheri, Redwood City, CA, United States, 36, Female, Jewish,
Black/African American, Straight, writer, 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 318200393759
I'm not black but I would think it's because black people don't have
hair that they can 'flip. It's silly, but I guess prejudices are.
POSTED 3/24/2003
S., New York, NY, United States, Female, Muslim, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Middle class, Mesg ID 323200343947
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Question:
I cannot understand how anybody in his or her right mind can
actually like rap or hip-hop 'music.' For one thing, music entails
melody and beauty, which both forms lack. The only way I can
understand the existence of rap and hip-hop is as political cry,
social discussion, racial identification, etc., and as such, I can
see why these forms originated. However, most rap and hip-hop today
have nothing to do with discussing social issues, as they may have in
the beginning. My question is, how many people today actually enjoy
rap and hip-hop - as opposed to convincing themselves that they enjoy
it, because they want to fit some image.
POSTED 3/11/2003
Idearte, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 36, Male, Humanist,
Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Straight, Over 4 Years of College,
Mesg ID 311200335839
Responses:
There is a reason why no occupation on earth pays like a rap/hip
hop/pop artist. Making $8 to $22 million on one CD is no joke. People
like me buy them. For example, take the 'hottest cat out there,'
Eminem. There are humans who buy his CD, like me, and I bet fewer
than than .000000001 percent of them are trying to fit an image. Hop
hip and rap won't go away, so don't waste your time wishing. For
those who don't want to have anything to do with country or classical
music or political issues, there is rap, hip hop and pop. Music
doesn't have to portray special views to be enjoyed; it just has to
sound good.
POSTED 3/24/2003
David R., Fontana, CA, United States, Male, Mesg ID 311200370632
I have a love-hate relationship with hip/hop. On the one hand, rhythm
and hook are enjoyable and fun and make you wanna dance. On the other
hand, the lyrics and attitude that accompany the songs are so
negative - glorifying violence, male bravado, anti-intellectualism
and poor grammar and glamorizing ghetto life, etc. I think (hope)
most people listen to it, enjoy it and get on with life, but some
emulate and adopt its speech, mannerisms, etc., and this is when it
is destructive. At that point there is a downward spiral of declining
interest in academics or leading a respectable life, followed by a
victimhood mentality that blames the more influential in society for
the ghetto existence - even though they revel in being in such an
environment. This is not just a distant assessment of 'those kinds of
people,' but comes from my living in the ghetto and being around
people who complain about it but refuse to adopt a lifestyle that
allows them to escape. It's quite sad.
POSTED 3/24/2003
Jay, New York, NY, United States, Male, Mesg ID 3122003102906
Beatniks recited poetry to drums in the 1960s, which was a similar
musical movement to rap and hiphop. I don't understand how some
country music, which sounds like the whine of a mosquito, can be
listened to without agitation, so I suppose we all have different
taste.
POSTED 3/24/2003
Jessica, Huntsville, TX, United States, 23, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, Graduate Student, Over 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 312200341259
Hip-Hop music covers many areas, and you may not fully understand the
locations of it and culture. You may not like some of it, but my
guess is that some of the music you do like is heavily influenced by
Hip-Hop (and rap and is considered a part of Hip-Hop music). Have you
ever listened to Eryka Badu, Lauryn Hill or Mary J. Blige (speaking
of beauty and melody)? You may not like Hip-Hop or rap music, but
many people do, and there is nothing wrong with that. If you don't
like it, don't listen to it. I don't think Hip-Hop will mind you not
participating. I like some rap and hip-hop. Just like all other forms
of music, some of it is good and some is bad. Hip-Hop is not required
to be a social cry for change. It is one of many tools that have been
used to foster social change, but it is not limited to that use. As
far as making a statement, any kind of musical form can be used to
make a statement. Also, as far as racial identity, I am black and
think you can be a Hip-Hop artist and/or a person who likes Hip-Hip
regardless of race. Ask the millions of Hip-Hop heads worldwide of
all races and colors. Ask Eminem. And there are some Latin Hip-Hop
groups as well. You may want to ask them how they feel about Hip-Hop
as racial identity - Jennifer Lopez may have a word or two on the
topic as well. Perhaps you need to check your own bias issues about
black people and Hip-Hop culture and what you think they mean before
you get on your high horse next time. A book you may want to read to
expand your knowledge of Hip-Hop is Vibe Magazine's History of
Hip-Hop. It talks about rap and Hip-Hop from the late '70s to the
present. I think it may help you see some things about that music
that you may not understand.
POSTED 3/24/2003
Carmela, College Park, GA, United States,
<carmela_mk68@yahoo.com>, 34, Female, Black/African American,
Straight, College Administration, Over 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 312200361455
Many people enjoy hip hop/rap or whatever term you would like to call
it. Everyone has different tastes, and music means different things
to different people. You may have a (huge) dislike of hip hop, and I
may have a huge dislike for whatever kind of music you like. I don't
listen to music that doesn't appeal to me. It's not difficult.
POSTED 3/24/2003
Hyps, London, NA, United Kingdom, 27, Female, Mesg ID 313200383803
Not all music has to be about political cries, social discussions and
racial identification. Music is a form of creativity that allows you
to express yourself. Plus, just because you might not understand some
issues that rappers and hip hop artists sing about today doesn't mean
they're not valid forms of music. Also, you might want to take other
forms of music into account, such as classical and electronic, when
saying that rap nowadays doesn't express any issues, because, last
time I checked, neither of those forms of music are known for their
political cries, expression of social issues, etc. And for the
record, I like rap only a little bit, but I still consider it a valid
form of music that's valuable to many people worldwide.
POSTED 3/24/2003
Andromeda, Washington, DC, United States,
<Polar_Andromeda@hotmail.com>, 17, Agnostic, Hispanic/Latino
(may be any race), Straight, Student, High School Diploma, Middle
class, Mesg ID 313200391141
Unfortunately, today it seems most rap is offensive toward women and
is focused only on attaining items of monetary value - the 'bling
bling.' I mean really, that guy 50 cent's new CD is titled something
like 'Get Rich or Die Trying.' Now THERE'S a good role model for our
nation's youth. I prefer rapper-vocalists like Lauryn Hill. She sings
and raps about love, peace, humanity and other good stuff. I really
love Aaliyah's music too, she always sang about really positive
things, if you listen to the words. Basically, there's a lot of good
stuff out there, if you open your mind and your heart.
POSTED 3/24/2003
Nia, Brooklyn, NY, United States, 22, Female, Christian,
Black/African American, Straight, art student, Over 4 Years of
College, Upper class, Mesg ID 313200395254
I love rap and hip-hop. It doesn't matter what you think of it. I
cannot see how anyone in their right mind could stand rock or heavy
metal 'music.' To me it sounds like a bunch of noise and nonsense
that has no logic at all. That doesn't mean people who like it are
stupid. It's just my opinion, just like your opinion is your own. You
don't have to understand or like hip-hop. Its following is enough of
an example of how well it can thrive - even without your
approval.
POSTED 3/24/2003
Tha Real Deal, P-town, IL, United States, 22, Male, Black/African
American, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 314200342759
I'm not a fan of the genre but am of a few genres that many people
are also not favorable of, like country music and extreme metal. I've
found that one's taste in music is not only built on images, but also
on what they hear all the time. With music like popular rap, which is
available all around MTV, cars, commercials, etc. people begin to
become familiar and accustomed to it. Besides, though I dislike most
of it, rap music has its merits. The drums and rhythm are like no
other music before it, and are very catchy to the ear. Plus, even if
the music is lacking, there is a whole culture, including
breakdancing, graffiti, fashion and politics, that goes along with
it, that many people find interesting and deep. Music has always been
different strokes for different folks and probably always will be.
That's why new music is always coming out and there litterally is
something for everybody.
POSTED 3/24/2003
Seamus, Charlestown, MA, United States, 23, Male, Construction, Lower
class, Mesg ID 314200360944
I enjoy hip hop very much, and that's why I became a DJ. When I was
younger, I used to listen to hip hop for the beats, and not
necessarily the lyrics, because I didn't understand what was being
said. But after a while, you begin to mature and listen to the music
for more than just what is being said but how they are relaying the
message. Being in my mid-20s, I can see how someone wouldn't want to
listen to hip hop, because of what the radio and video saturate the
consumer with - 20-inch rims on trucks, $200,000 cars, furs, $50,000
watches, etc. All those material things being shown on videos and
rapped about in songs is supposed to be what you can achieve if you
work hard at what you do. Instead, the label, along with the
promotion staff, push the idea of 'you need to have this' in order to
boost the sales of artists' albums, and sell their songs. It's the
radio tunes that you are referring to that are lacking the melody and
beauty you have mentioned. I can also see how you can see how it
lacks those two things, because all it is now is recycled hits from
the '80s, manipulated to refresh the listener where the original song
came from, and to make it catchy. But in the world of hip hop, there
is such a thing as a sample, which is where a section of the record
is used, then arranged and reworked, or is repeated, and then extra
drum kicks and basslines are added, to create a new beat, so as not
to make it sound just like the original song. Listen to Bobby
Caldwell's 'Open Your Eyes' and then listen to Common's 'The Light.'
The Bobby Caldwell song had a section sampled, then was reworked to
make what the Common song sounds like. Being a DJ, I listen to more
than just hip hop, because all the beats originated from old soul
from the '60's and '70s, and learning the artists from whom these
artists sample gives you a greater appreciation for where the music
comes from. Take this into consideration: there are two types of
people in hip hop - the rappers and the emcees. The emcees are the
ones who don't need a gimmick to sell their albums, but just the
skill of their vocabulary to move the crowd. Rappers are the ones who
need a gimmick to sell their image and music.
POSTED 3/24/2003
Alphonzo, San Diego, CA, United States, 25, Male, Asian, DJ, 4 Years
of College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 315200364035
Your definition of music is inaccurate. Music is like love; it
can't always be explained, nor does it have to make sense to everyone
to be appreciated by many. For example, music can entail playing the
piano, or banging on a brass pot. You would be surprised at how many
people enjoy hearing the pot. I enjoy rap and hip hop as well as many
other types of music, and contrary to what you may believe, I am not
using them as political cries, or for racial identification. I
seriously doubt these judgments would fly in the country music world
(perhaps these perceptions have something to do with the type of
people most commonly associated with rap and hip hop; perhaps their
language, style or maybe their skin color?) I could probably guess
that you turn rap/hip hop off the radio or TV the moment you hear
them. How, then, can you judge these types of music when you probably
don't know the first thing about them? You are wrong about hip hop
and rap not discussing social issues. This clearly shows that you
don't know the first thing about either type of music. If you want to
talk about rap and social issues, contact the king of hip/hop,
Russell Simmons. Before judging, you should probably have a real
taste of rap and hip hop. If you end up not liking either, get over
it. I am sure there are types of music you enjoy that I couldn't
stomach. That’s just what makes us all different. Not
everything is meant for us to understand, and sometimes, prejudiced
feelings get in the way of our attempts to understand.
POSTED 3/24/2003
Alex, Houston, TX, United States, 19, Female, Scientist, 2 Years of
College, Lower class, Mesg ID 316200384712
I agree that most hip/hop and rap music is not what it used to be.
When rap music first came about, it was about having fun, and there
was no cursing in the music. Now it's about sex, money and women. I
can't stand rap music now. Its not original. That also goes for other
types of music, also.
POSTED 3/24/2003
Carolyn, Washington, DC, United States, 27, Female, Methodist,
Black/White/American Indian, Straight, Computer Programmer, 4 Years
of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 3192003102418
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