Best of the Week
of May 9, 1999
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges either begun or
advanced during the week of May 9, 1999, as selected by Y?
These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries from
previous weeks, also can be found by accessing our new database using
our search form, or, in the case of
answers posted before April 24, 1999, in our
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the new database as
well). In the Original Archives and the new database, you will find
questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. We encourage you to answer any questions relevant
to your demographic background, as well as to ask any provocative
question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily meant to
represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can provide a
window into the insights of an individual from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at our
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Question:
This weekend while at a public park, I witnessed an interracial
lesbian marriage/commitment ceremony. Two questions: Are interracial
couples common in the lesbian community, and how do homosexual
couples divorce?
POSTED 5/11/99
R.G., Richmond, VA, United States, 27, Female, Black/African
American, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 51199104515
Response:
I am sure the percentage of interracial lesbian couples is about
the same as heterosexual couples, since gays and lesbians cover the
entire world population. As far as divorce, since gays and lesbian
cannot legally marry, I guess there is no need to even think about
divorce. No legal recourse for anything, no joint ownerhsip without
legal papers, no custody rights, no health or death benefits, no
marriage license to give credibility to a very beautiful thing.
Hmmm.
POSTED 5/12/99
Sheila, West Palm Beach, FL, United States, <Hopeteens@aol.com>
, 49, Female, White/Caucasian, Lesbian, Youth director, Over 4 Years
of College, Mesg ID 51299112419
Response:
Yes, interracial couples are common among lesbians, probably
because we're already breaking from the norm being lesbians, so we're
more open-minded about dating outside our race, religion or whatever.
Concerning divorce: Unfortunately, we can do so very easily since our
"marriages" aren't recognized by law. The trickier thing is splitting
up mutually owned property.
POSTED 5/12/99
Val, San Diego, CA, United States, 35, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Lesbian, Food server, 2 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 5129940704
Response:
I suspect you would find more interracial unions among lesbian
and gay male couples than in the U.S. heterosexual population. In
general, I think gay people tend to be more open to relationships
that violate racial, class, education and financial boundaries. (That
does not mean, alas, that you won't find racist gay people, since
racists are found in every group.)
POSTED 5/13/99
Tom L., Washington, DC, United States, 55, Male, White/Caucasian,
Gay, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 51399113557
To
respond
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Question:
Is there a difference in the way men and women shop? In my
observation, men will enter a store knowing exactly what they want,
go to that item, buy it and be out of the store in a few minutes.
Women may enter knowing what they want, but will take time to look at
several other items, browse around a bit and maybe find what they
want, but also buy a few more things they didn't originally enter the
store to purchase. Does anyone else see a difference in the way the
two sexes shop, and does the whole "hunter/gatherer" theory come into
play?
POSTED 5/10/99
Kenny G., Chicago, IL, United States, 34, Male, Catholic,
Black/African American, Straight, Marketing, 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 5109913626
Response:
It's not strictly a sex thing, apparently. My sweetie and I are
both women, and she does the grocery shopping because I have
absolutely no patience with it. I have a list of what I need, go to
an employee to ask where the widgits or eggs are, pick 'em up and
leave. She reads labels, compares prices and comes home with a few
extra goodies (because she knows I like them). Other same-sex couples
mention this split, also.
POSTED 5/11/99
Becky, Indianapolis, IN, United States, 55, Female, Lesbian, Mesg ID
5119942316
Response:
Sorry to dispel this common myth, but I for one hate to wander
around in stores. I go into a store, get what I came after and leave.
Sometimes I will call the store ahead of time to see if they have
what I am after. This way, I do not have to waste time wandering
around looking for the item, only to find out the store doesn't carry
it. I have better ways to spend my time.
POSTED 5/11/99
Michell, Panama City, FL, United States, 32, Female, Atheist,
Straight, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
5119985625
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respond
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Question:
I do not attempt to justify the Columbine shootings and I think it is
a terrible thing to happen. But, even though the writings of the two
boys and their friends keep saying that they were bullied badly and
humiliated and beaten up almost daily, why is nobody even talking
about this aspect of the problem? Also, how serious is this problem
of discrimination against people who are different in schools in the
United States?
POSTED 4/28/99
R.N. Mohan, Bangalore, NA, India, <rnmohan@hotmail.com> , 24,
Male, Atheist, Asian, Gay, Student, Over 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 42699115614
Response:
The thing that amazes me the most about the Columbine tragedy is
that so many people are surprised it happened. Aside from the other
instances of school violence, this shouldn't have been unexpected,
and judging from some of the other responses, I'm not alone in my
thinking. After all, far too many kids look at school more as a
prison sentence than a learning experience, and the treatment they
receive only bears this out. When one is trapped in an unbearable
situation, one will do anything to change it. These boys took revenge
on their tormentors, and who among us, if given the chance, wouldn't
have relished the opportunity to do the same? A fairly grim look at
human nature, but a necessary one.
POSTED 5/10/99
Elric L., Pasadena, MD, United States, <elefay@hotmail.com> ,
29, Male, Pagan, White/Caucasian, Straight, 2 Years of College, Upper
class, Mesg ID 5109932059
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Question:
Is there a way to tell the difference in Asian nationalities? I've
heard that the slant direction of the eyes is an indicator. Is this
true?
POSTED 3/5/99
Tina, Columbia, SC, United States, Female, Mesg ID 359952938
Response:
No, the slant of the eye is no guide to Asians. As an Asian who
grew up in Queens, NY, where I was exposed to all types of Asians, I
must say it is tough to distinguish us from one another. However, as
you can generally tell apart European races (i.e. a Nordic from an
Italian, a Slav from a Spaniard), it is possible to generally
distinguish us to a degree.
In most cases, here are some rules:
1) Dark skin indicates Southeast Asians
(Vietnamese/Laotian/Cambodian/Thai) or Pacific Islanders
(Filipino/Guamanian et al.), as does the presence of full lips and
double-fold eyelids. Light skin, smaller eyes and thinner lips
usually indicates Oriental origin (China, Korea, Japan).
2) Among the Orientals (China/Korea/Japan), the Chinese are tallest,
Japanese shortest and Korean the biggest.
3) The Japanese tend to be the hairiest among all East Asians.
4) Koreans tend to have the squarest jaws, flattest face and smallest
eyes, which gives them a readily distinguishable look.
5) The Chinese tend to have less flat faces (nose and mouth jutting
out more than Koreans, with more cases of buckteeth), with smaller
jaws than Koreans.
6) The Japanese tend to be the shortest among all Asians. I mean
seriously short.
Disclaimer: The above are some of the guidelines I use to
distinguish members of my own race from each other. They do not mean
to degrade or stereotype. The individual variations within each race
are so huge that racial groupings are difficult at best. I myself do
not fit the traditional "Korean" look described above, even though I
am Korean. I have been mistaken as Chinese, Filipino, Japanese and
even half-white at different times.
POSTED 5/10/99
Dave P., Ft. Benning, GA, United States, <krusader@excite.com>
, 25, Male, Korean, Military officer, Over 4 Years of College ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 5899120408
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respond
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Question:
When U.S. Air Force bases in Britain closed, I heard that a number of
African-American servicemen chose to remain in the United Kingdom
because they felt the racism there was more "bearable." In what way
were their experiences different from their experiences in the United
States?
POSTED 5/10/99
Sharon, Portland, OR, United States, 34, Female, Pagan,
White/Caucasian, Straight, 2 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
5109930658
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Question:
Having just returned from Canada, I was asked about sexism in
Australia, and replied it was about as noticeable as in many other
places I had visited. Does anyone else believe Australians are more
or less sexist than Canadians?
POSTED 5/10/99
Ed, Melbourne, NA, Australia, Mesg ID 569960919
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Question:
Why do women talk so much more than men?
POSTED 5/10/99
Don J., cleburne, TX, United States, <cougar@hpnc.com> , Male,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Sales, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
5899100748
Response:
I think the amount of talking depends on the individual, not the
person's sex. Of course, culture determines where and when a person
feels invited to talk. But then, some people don't need or wait for
an invitation.
People talk for many reasons, only one of which is to communicate
information. People talk to bond with another person - or to push
another person away; to conceal nervousness - or just to fill up
time.
Talking is the activity that more than any other defines us as
humans. From that perspective, we can understand why women and men
love to talk. When nobody else is around, we even talk to ourselves.
As a species, we just can't seem to stop talking.
POSTED 5/11/99
Tom L., Washington, DC, United States, 55, Male, White/Caucasian,
Gay, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 5109954141
To
respond
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Question:
The biggest culture shock I had when I went to the United States was
when I walked into a public restroom. Why is the wide space necessary
between the door and the floor? Aren't people ashamed of their legs
being seen? And why do people put their stuff on the dirty floor?
Also, aren't they ashamed of being heard when they are going to the
bathroom? Some of them even talked to me while I was in there, and I
was so ashamed. In my country, there is even a tape recorder
installed on the wall to block out the noise.
POSTED 5/6/99
Kanako, Tokyo, NA, Japan, 25, Female, Asian, Mesg ID 569964341
Response:
I don't think most Americans are ashamed of their legs, but I do
think it bothers some people that there is a big space under the door
(where someone might accidentally get a peek of what they're not
supposed to). I'm also pretty sure a lot of people worry about the
noise they make, especially if going No. 2 or using feminine hygiene
products. I think the problem is we don't really have a choice, and
since we've been using bathrooms like this ever since we were little
kids, we're pretty much used to it.
I have been to Japan and used the public bathrooms there, complete
with otohime noise buttons (I think that's what they're called). I
would also note that in Japan it is probably more important to have
low doors because many toilets there are the squatting type, unlike
the Western sitting type. I guess America is either not yet blessed
with Japanese toilet advancements, or we have a male-dominated public
bathroom industry. I'm not sure, but I wouldn't mind Japanese public
bathrooms.
POSTED 5/7/99
Anne B., San Diego, CA, United States, 19, Female, Atheist, 3/4
Japanese, and some other stuff, Straight, College student, Middle
class, Mesg ID 579941617
Response:
I am not ashamed about seeing other people's legs. That's why
people wear short pants and short skirts. Unless skirts and pants are
hideously short, people generally have no problems with
leg-showing.
POSTED 5/6/99
Cynthia, Kingston, Ontario, NA, Canada, 19, Female, Christian, Asian,
Straight, University student, High School Diploma, Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 5699111321
Response:
I guess it's a matter of what we're used to. Not only does it not
embarrass me to have my legs seen in a public restroom, it has never
occurred to me to think anything of it. As far as someone hearing me
use the restroom, well, it's really no secret why I'm in there, so
why would "sound effects" matter one way or another? Regarding your
comment about putting things on the dirty restroom floor, I am
baffled about that as well. As often as I can, I hang my purse,
jacket, packages, etc., on the hook inside the stall, if one is
available.
POSTED 5/6/99
Chip, Detroit, MI, United States, 28, Female, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
5699114846
Response:
I was dumbfounded to read that people might be ashamed to have
their legs seen in a public restroom. I can't imagine why you might
be. In fact, I think a big part of the reason the doors do not go to
the floor is that it allows you to see if the stall is occupied.
I think most people try to keep the noises to a minimum, but to
this American it seems a little obsessive to play music to cover it
up. It's just natural body functions, after all; something everyone
does every day, nothing to be ashamed of.
Putting your stuff on the floor is kind of gross, but then again
it depends on how clean the floor is and whether your stuff is in a
plastic bag.
POSTED 5/10/99
Steve, Rochester, NY, United States, Male, White/Caucasian, 4 Years
of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 589980001
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Question:
Why do some Mexicans like to lower their cars?
POSTED 5/5/99
Candice, Sacramento, CA, United States, 52, Female,
Jewish,White/Caucasian, Straight, Attorney, Over 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 5599123626
Response:
Mexicans aren't the only people into altering the appearance of
motor vehicles. Have you never seen a hot rod or oldies-but-goodies?
What about those souped-up muscle cars?Chicanos claimed 'low riding'
as an art form many years ago. It requires lots of time, money,
electrical and mechanical knowledge and artistic vision. Take a
moment to look at the mini-murals the vehicles are embellished with:
True works of art that usually are dedicated to religion or a loved
one. A lot of pride is taken in the final products, hence the slow
driving to better display their vehicles.
P.S. I know 'low riders' who are Latino, African American, First
Nation, Filipino - even Caucasian. Imagine that!
POSTED 5/7/99
Travesa, San Francisco Bay Area, CA, United States, Female,
Hispanic/Latino, Info Tech, Middle class, Mesg ID 579945131
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