Best of the Week
of June 24, 2001
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of June 24, 2001, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing
Y?'s new database using the search form,
or, in the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in
the Original Archives (all
questions from the Original Archives have been entered into
the new database as well). In the Original Archives and the new
database, you will find questions that have received answers, as well
as questions still awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer
any questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to
ask any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
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guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
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Question:
I think Jewish men who always dress in black, wear
black-brimmed hats, always have beards and have those curls dangling
from the sides of their heads look silly. Am I being racist and/or
anti-Semitic?
POSTED 6/24/2001
Jebediah, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 32, Male, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Computers, 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 623200180233
Responses:
I don't think you're being racist or anti-Semitic, you're just
projecting your idea of what looks 'silly' onto someone else. Many
orthodox Jewish men dress this way. The beards and curls ('payess')
are in obedience to Old Testament law; the black hats and coats are
at least in part based in history (Hasidic Jews in Eastern Europe).
By the way, I wear two small squares of cloth, connected by chains or
cords, around my shoulders (under my shirt); this is called a
'scapular' and is worn by many traditionalist Catholics. Many people
would regard this as 'silly' too.
POSTED 6/28/2001
Augustine, Columbia, SC, United States, 40, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
625200134709
I'd say you are being ignorant. You are mocking what you don't
understand. It would be like someone thinking the Pope looks silly
because he wears a funny hat. These people are adhering to customs
that may not be the norm in today's society, but it is something they
believe in strongly. We can see this in many groups of people: the
Amish (not utilizing much of today's technology), Jehovah's Witnesses
(not celebrating birthdays), Orthodox Jews and Muslims (dietary
restrictions), etc. These things may not be the norm in the world,
but they are important to these people.
POSTED 6/28/2001
Me, San Francisco Bay Area, CA, United States, 27, Male, Over 4
Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 6252001101047
I don't think we can help what we find silly. However, if you
judge their character to be silly because of how they look, or if you
shout at them to tell them they look silly, then yes, you would be
being racist.
POSTED 6/28/2001
B.B., Edinburgh, NA, United Kingdom, 26, Female, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, PhD student, Over 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 627200123738
It depends on whether you think these men ARE silly or just look
silly. (Do you respect their choice of dress?) On the surface, it
sounds conformist - but not necessarily anti-Semitic - to say that
people who dress very differently from the typical clothing for their
sex and current fashion look silly. How do you feel about other
outfits that stand out - Catholic nuns' habits, Greek Orthodox
priests' black robes and hats, Buddhist monks in saffron robes,
Muslim women who wear head coverings...
POSTED 6/28/2001
Laura, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 40, Female, Jewish,
White/Caucasian, Mesg ID 6272001114226
Silliness is in the eye of the beholder. I live in a neighborhood
with a large Jewish population. First, you're not being racist
because 'Jewish' is not a race (there are even black Jews). To
explain myself: What would you call a Venezuelan, Spanish-speaking,
salsa-dancing, white-skinned, blond and blue-eyed Jew? Jewish, white
or Hispanic? Get what I mean? Second, you're not being anti-Semitic
because only a group of men within the Jewish community dresses that
way (you have nothing against Steven Spielberg, do you?). Now about
the silliness part: Even within the Jewish community I've heard jokes
about the 'penguins' (of course coming from non-orthodox Jews). I for
one don't consider silly anything pertaining to a religion, culture
or tradition, so I respect the way the Ashkenazic-orthodox Jews
dress, just as I respect the fashion style of the stereotypical nerdy
computer geek who can't dance. You know, live and let live. About the
black-dressed orthodox Jews, I have wondered if they don't get hot in
there, at least down here in the tropics, but that's about it. Now if
they seem silly to you, fine, no harm done. Just like you may seem
silly to a large part of the world's population. The question is: Do
you care? Well, neither do the orthodox Jews.
POSTED 6/28/2001
Nelson A., Caracas, NA, Venezuela, 32, Male, Catholic, White, but
very Hispanic/Latino, Lawyer/Business, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg
ID 626200111642
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Question:
Is breast size really that important to men? Are small breasts
a turnoff?
POSTED 6/21/2001
Nicole, Milwaukee, WI, United States, 24, Female,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, student, Over 4 Years of College, Lower
middle class, Mesg ID 6202001101647
Responses:
It's all relative, I think. While the advertising industry would
shame all women who aren't 6'2" with breasts that make them look like
they will topple over, I find women whose breasts are proportionate
to their bodies the most attractive. I can't imagine what importance
breast size could have, except for men with pathetic egos who need
some sort of trophy girlfriend, and while there are plenty of those
men, I think there are many more normal folks who don't view a
woman's breasts as separate from the rest of her body.
POSTED 6/28/2001
Carter, Chicago, IL, United States, 29, Male, White/Caucasian,
Mesg ID 6212001102230
Breast size is not that important to men. Most straight men just
love breasts of any size or shape, and that's the truth. There are
even x-rated web sites that exclusively feature small-breasted women.
Anyway, it's more about overall body proportion than breast size.
POSTED 6/28/2001
Rick, Springfield, OH, United States, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 621200115326
Nicole, as a bisexual, you must have a view on this: do you find
small breasts a turnoff? (rhetorical question)
POSTED 6/28/2001
Carleen, Sydney, NA, Australia, 24, Female, Bisexual, Mesg ID
625200144312
Have you ever had anyone throw you a surprise birthday party where
the food, friends and presents are great, and when it is almost over
someone brings out one more last, perfect present? Well, that is how
I feel about large breasts. Everything else about a woman is more
important, more real, more profound, but the large breasts are just a
nice, final detail.
POSTED 6/28/2001
Steve, Houston, TX, United States, 45, Male, White/Caucasian,
Corporate Slug, Over 4 Years of College, Upper class, Mesg ID
6262001111038
Just the mention of brests sends men into a hazy, dreamlike state.
What am I writing about again? Oh, right. I remember now. I believe
men like breasts. Just as simple as that. Small, large or in between,
they're just GOOD! What's so good about them? I'll try and address
that without offending anyone's sensibilities, though that my not be
possible. The texture of breasts is one of the best things about
them. There's nothing that soft and smooth on a man's body. That
tactile sensation is like a journey to an otherworldly realm. The
look of breasts is good, also. There're not something that men in
general see every day. You could relate it to being bumped and
jostled on crowded downtown streets. Something tells you to look up,
and right there is a giant, red helium balloon floating by. After
it's gone, that same balloon will never pass by there again. It gives
you the feeling that however fleeting, there is something good out
there. I think the attraction to breasts is in the difference. The
fact that men and women are different. I very much appreciate the
differences. The contours and textures of the female body are just
incredible. Men's bodies, for the most part, are just straight up and
down. Nothing hidden, nothing to wonder about. I'm glad that I'm a
man, and I'm glad that there are women. About breast size. I've given
breast size a lot of thought, and I have a theory about the attention
some breast sizes receive. When a young man becomes aware of
sexuality, it's a new and fascinating thing. He wants to see it all,
and know everything about it. He wants to scoop up all he can with
both hands. Large breasts represent that newfound sexuality. As he
matures, although some men never get past that stage, he begins to
develop an attraction to other sizes and shapes.
POSTED 6/28/2001
Carter, Seattle, WA, United States, Male, Mesg ID 627200172026
To
respond
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Question:
Why are Southern people so racist? Not all, just most I've met.
I'm Hispanic, so most treat me like I don't know English (talking to
me in short words divided into syllables, or using sign language) and
then start talking about us behind our backs like we can't
understand. I've also realized that some not-so-diverse Southern
states are more racist. Some people in Tennessee were staring at me -
they obviously don't get out much.
POSTED 6/21/2001
DeKa, Atlanta, GA, United States,
<final_answer39@hotmail.com>, 14, Female, Agnostic,
Hispanic/Latino, Less than High School Diploma, Mesg ID
6192001113429
Responses:
When people stare, it makes us feel uncomfortable, but it is not
a crime. It is human to be curious about people different from
yourself. Make friends with the people who stare. Do these
Southerners pique your curiosity? Stare at them! Be childishly
curious! You never know: they may want to be your friend. If you get
to know each other, they may turn out to be some of your closest
allies in fighting racism. My point is that we don't know what other
people think, and we must not make presumptions, or we will be guilty
of stereotyping e.g. 'all Southerners who stare at me are racist.'
Children don't make assumptions about the world; they approach
everything with a clean slate. We must approach each other with a
clean slate and assume that our kindness will be returned with
kindness. If it is not, we have not lost anything in the process. A
professor once said to me that he did not believe racism exists, only
ignorance. This is arguable. To me, ignorance is not understanding
another culture, but racism is the resistance to understanding other
cultures. Racism is an unfortunate human trait, like jealousy or
malice. But life is about overcoming these things, and developing
goodness, kindness, generosity and forgiveness.
POSTED 6/28/2001
Adoumri, Jersey City, NY, United States, 26, Female, Asian, 4
Years of College, Mesg ID 6262001103523
You are 100 percent right. I am brown and have lived in the South
for 10 years, and believe me, 'Southern Hospitality' is one big,
laughable myth. Even if it exists, it is reserved for whites. I've
even lived close to Atlanta, and frankly, I found it to be a dump,
just like other Southern cities. There's nothing in the South: no
culture, no economy, no sophistication, no great institutions of
learning, no cool cities, no progress and no good weather. And it's
blessed with blissful ignorance, high crime, poor education, poverty,
funny accents, idiotic drivers and historical embarrassment.
Ultimately, you are dealing with a group of people among whom the
mindset of 'White Superiority' and the 'benefits' of segregation are
very strong and have been passed down from one generation to the next
since the Civil War. Add to that generous amounts of good,
kind-hearted 'we love all' Christian values practiced by the
xenophobic Southern Baptists, and you see what I mean... And not only
was the loss of the Civil War a blow to Southern pride, but to add
insult to injury, there was desegregation in the mid-'60s. Therefore,
the 'Northerners' not only freed the blacks, but they have also
ensured that the white Southerner will have to live and work
alongside blacks. And look what's happening: given equal opportunity,
blacks have shown they are not as 'incompetent' as the white
Southerner's ancestors always made them out to be. So the notion of
'white superiority' goes out the window. Now, white Southerners are
faced with direct competition, and their beliefs have been proven
absolutely wrong. And when this happens, you have insecurity, fear
and hate setting in. And therefore the sight of another black or
brown face simply causes more fear and resentment. At that moment the
Southerner thinks 'Man, because of you my ancestors got screwed, and
so am I. How come you move so freely in front of me? Go back to where
you belong!' Believe me, the best place to live in the United States
is the Midwest or Rocky Mountain States, where people have warmth,
genuine respect and courtesy for others. Sure, there are problems
there, too, but rest assured you will be far away from 'Southern
Hostility.'
POSTED 6/28/2001
Rodf, Charlotte, NC, United States, 30, Male, Brown, Student, Over
4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 626200175711
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respond
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Question:
Why do many white people have shaky hands and jerky body
movements? Compared to most Asian, black and Latino people, white
people seem to have more abrupt, harder, stiffer and less fluid body
movements.
POSTED 6/19/2001
J.L., Jersey City, NJ, United States, 26, Female, Asian,
Student, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 6192001124322
Responses:
Because that's how they were brought up. Do you want to see white
people with suave, cool movements and who also dance like pros? Then
go to Miami, where 90 percent of those who are white are Latino. We
(I'm also a white Latino) have smooth movements because we were
brought up that way; it has nothing to do with race. White Latinos
(Cameron Diaz) move just as cool as brown Latinos (Jennifer Lopez) or
black Latinos (Sammy Sosa). So there you have it: the jerky, stiff
moves are just passed from parents to kids and so on.
POSTED 6/21/2001
Nelson A., Caracas, NA, Venezuela, 32, Male, White/Caucasian,
Lawyer/business, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 620200193339
Considering that in the United States, the vast majority of ballet
dancers, gymnasts, mimes, professional billiard players, divers,
swimmers and surgeons are white, your question seems to have no basis
in reality.
POSTED 6/26/2001
Rick, Springfield, OH, United States, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 621200121007
I think it is genetic. I have noticed some Caucasian friends whose
hands shake a lot and have less manual dexterity than myself (I am
mixed Irish/Cherokee, Chinese). I think Asians do have fine manual
dexterity. This would suit them for precision work like dentistry.
Also, women tend to have finer manual dexterity than men (an argument
for female surgeons). My current dentist is a petite woman whose
hands are very precise.
POSTED 6/26/2001
Ike, San Francisco, CA, United States, 30, Male, Irish/Cherokee,
Chinese, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 626200125040
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Question:
I have been an avid reader of Y? Forum for a few years, and my
question comes after having read of the anger, frustration and/or
desolation black people feel over their situation in the United
States. To those of you who perceive yourself to be a member of this
group, do you believe white people in this country have it that much
better than you? Do you feel they are more emotionally centered and
happier, or could they suffer from the same aspects of life that you
do? Do you believe white people are ever discriminated against?
POSTED 6/15/2001
Matthew, New York, NY, United States, 43, Male, Mesg ID
615200155908
Responses:
Of course white people are discriminated against. It's called
Affirmative Action.
POSTED 6/21/2001
Leory J., Los Angeles, CA, United States, Black/African American,
Mesg ID 620200165558
It's not that white people have it better. It's that a white
person will have a better chance of acquiring or getting help
compared to a black person in the same situation. I know some blacks
will complain about everything, but the majority just want a fair
chance and treated fairly. I believe whites can be discriminated
against, but most discrimination involves power, which whites have
more of. I know we will never live in utopia, but as a melting pot we
must learn to mingle with other cultures. Only through this can we
root out some the stereotypes that groups have about each other.
POSTED 6/24/2001
Jerry, Cleveland, OH, United States, 33, Male, Black/African
American, engineer, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
621200193248
White people seem to own everything in this country: The upscale
Fifth Avenue shops, the computer corporations and nice restaurants,
etc. And they receive academic tenure more often than ethnic
minorities. White people share a Euro-American culture that Asians,
blacks and Latinos do not. At work, because your boss is most likely
to be white, it really helps if you are white in getting him/her to
feel comfortable with you, take you under their wing and offer you
opportunities that you might not receive if you're not white. The
'good old boys network' is also the 'white people's network.' Though
it seems to be a biological tendency for human beings to associate
with people who are most like themselves, this makes it difficult for
minority groups to succeed. We cannot get a foothold in the
'network,' we distrust and experience distrust from white people (and
from each other too, for example Koreans vs. blacks in the Los
Angeles riots). For minorities, it seems that every ethnic group
(black, Asian, Latino, Native American) is alone and fighting for
itself.
POSTED 6/24/2001
Jane, Jersey City, NJ, United States, 26, Female, Asian, student,
Mesg ID 6232001110230
I see white people, espcially those 30 and older, as 95 percent
ignorant. They think if they see a rich black that he's a drug
dealer. A black man in a suit is automatically a thief. But the young
whites are just as bad. They think they invented rap, and they try to
be black, when in actuality black culture is the complete opposite of
white culture, so they can never be 'down.'
Overall, I have a lot of white friends, and I've dated a couple of
them, but I prefer other minorities because that's who I indentify
with.
POSTED 6/24/2001
Mike, New Bern, NC, United States, Male, Mesg ID 623200152201
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Question:
I have a gay friend (Ray) who is 35 and was married before he
decided to live the gay lifestyle about six years ago. His first gay
affair was a disaster because the guy was just looking for someone to
support him. He has been with his second for five years, even though
he obviously doesn't even like to be around the guy. He is very
uncomfortable admitting he is gay, but you can tell his boyfriend is
gay just by looking at him. The boyfriend is lazy, depressed, hates
everything and everybody that Ray likes, and does very little other
than watch TV and sleep. The only thing they seem to have in common
is sex and a checkbook. Ray is not happy but doesn't want to hurt
this lazy bum. He knows the guy is using him, but he is so
uncomfortable admitting to anyone he is gay that he stays with him
just to keep from having to find someone else. My problem is how to
deal with Ray about his boyfriend. I'm tired of watching him taken
advantage of, but it's none of my business, except that he constantly
bitches about it, and I'm tired of hearing it. How do I make him see
that there are lots of quality men out there who would be thrilled to
be with him and also carry their own weight? Hell, I know hundreds of
women who would kill for a guy like him. He deserves better than this
bum, how do I open his eyes?
POSTED 6/18/2001
Vista, Dallas, TX, United States, 39, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Self-employed, 4 Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg
ID 617200192629
Responses:
It's commendable that you want to help your friend realize there
are healthy ways of being gay. He needs to find this out on his own.
Encourage him to contact the local gay community center. You may want
to get some of their reading materials for him. I'm sure they have
many programs and activities that would allow Ray to not only see
that being gay is a healthy alternative to the life he's been living,
but he may also realize there are a lot of other 'fish in the ocean'
and he doesn't have to put up with an unhealthy relationship. You
seem to be a very good friend to Ray, and you can help by continuing
to be supportive, but Ray has to 'do the work.' He'll be happy he
did. Best of luck. E-mail if you'd like.
POSTED 6/26/2001
Roger, New York, NY, United States, <rdapiran@erols.com>,
48, Male, White/Caucasian, Gay, Self Employed, Over 4 Years of
College, Mesg ID 6252001124644
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respond
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Question:
Are there any differences in how Japanese people view sex vs.
how Americans view sex? Are there different ways to please Japanese
women?
POSTED 6/15/2001
Johnny B., Columbus, OH, United States,
<blindrefjd@hotmail.com>, 20, Male, Methodist, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Student, 2 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
6142001112247
Responses:
The best thing to do is to ask yourself, 'What does my
girlfriend/love interest want?' and stop asking questions like, 'How
do I please Japanese women?' The first thing you can do is recognize
that there is no way you can please 'Japanese women.' You must learn
what your girlfriend wants, not what 'Japanese women' want. Your
question indicates that you view Japanese women as somehow
interchangeable. You cannot plug in some universal formula and think
you'll get a surefire result later. I'm tired of men doing that,
because they consistently and irreparably fail when they refuse to
see an individual rather than just a woman, or worse, just a Japanese
woman.
POSTED 6/24/2001
J. Liu, Flushing, NY, United States, 26, Female, Asian, Mesg ID
623200194814
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Question:
What exactly are Mormon beliefs? Do the followers believe
there's a planet Klobb?
POSTED 6/15/2001
Richard H., Porterville, CA, United States,
<brassman@ocsnet.net>, 19, Male, Christian, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Computer Network Specialist, 2 Years of College, Lower
middle class, Mesg ID 613200185536
Responses:
I am not Mormon and do not have the answer to your question. I
just wanted to congratulate you for asking it. When I was your age I
was being brainwashed by my Presbyterian church that Mormons, and
Mormonism, were Satanic and horrible. Certainly they hold some
beliefs that are probably very different from your own - but don't
blindly accept the propaganda that comes from the traditional
Christian right. If you are curious (and you clearly are), ask
questions, meet some Mormons, do some independent reading and
thinking, and make up your own mind. Good for you!
POSTED 6/21/2001
Todd B., Newport Beach, CA, United States, 35, Male,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Manager, 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 6202001111755
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