Best of the Week
of Aug. 29, 1999
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Aug. 29, 1999, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing our
new database using our search form, or, in
the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in our
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the new database as
well). In the Original Archives and the new database, you will find
questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. We encourage you to answer any questions relevant
to your demographic background, as well as to ask any provocative
question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily meant to
represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can provide a
window into the insights of an individual from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at our
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Question:
What are the religious differences between Protestant Christians and
Roman Catholics? Also, what does the making of the sign of the cross
signify? My guess is for protection, or giving thanks?
POSTED 9/3/1999
A.P., N/A, N/, United States, 17, Mesg ID 93199962121
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Question:
Is it true that people in Mexico do not like Hispanic Americans?
POSTED 9/3/1999
D. Price, Albuquerque, NM, United States,
<abqteachr@netscape.net>, Mesg ID 93199964353
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Question:
Why do some whites attempt to use aspects of Native American tribal
religions, often through paying money for something? And when they
do, why do they insist it's an attempt to 'honor' or 'join' us, when
for the most part they don't live in or work for the benefit of our
communities?
POSTED 9/3/1999
Angela P., Minneapolis, MN, United States, 22, Female,
Mandan/Hidatsa/Cree, Mesg ID 93199964632
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Question:
Why is it that nurses, who are there to save your life, are paid less
than the plumber down the street?
POSTED 9/3/1999
Tammy P., Jackson, CA, United States, <pearelli@volcano.net> ,
Female, Mesg ID 93199965300
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Question:
I grew up in Detroit and have had many friends of all races. One
thing I have noticed: African Americans seem to be very loud and
boisterous, even in everyday situations. My neighbors will shout
across the street instead of walking or calling. I have not noticed
this in other races. Are there any explanations?
POSTED 9/3/1999
Tracy P., Redford, MI, United States, <POP4443@aol.com> , 26,
Male, White/Caucasian, Mesg ID 93199963213
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Question:
Why do men always feel funny asking for directions? Do they feel it
challenges their masculinity? Are they trying to impress women? I am
not impressed when a man shows up late because he gets lost. Why do
they do this?
POSTED 9/1/1999
Shelby, Colorado Springs, CO, United States, Female, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Student, Mesg ID 679931648
Responses:
What about the stereotype that most women are bad at finding
their way even when they do have directions? Men and directions is a
stereotype. It gets a lot of laughs, kind of the male equivalent of
dumb blond jokes. Research indicates that, in general, male brains
are hard-wired to view the world in a way that is spacially different
from females. I don't know if that is true, but personally I am not
uncomfortable in being lost. I enjoy trying to figure out how to get
back unlost, and it gives me a sense of accomplishment. I feel the
same whether I am with someone or alone. Getting directions ruins the
fun. Besides, asked-for directions are usually crap and get you
further lost.
POSTED 9/3/1999
Steve, Houston, TX, United States, 38, Male, White/Caucasian,
Engineer, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 91199911309
I think it boils down to men feeling the need to be independent,
self-reliant, strong, capable, etc. I think you can point to society
for that, or just human genetics. 'Boys don't cry,' that kind of
thing. Some people don't realize that boys and men have this pressure
to be strong and not complain or need help. Asking for directions
shows weakness, which is a big deal for a lot of men. And
furthermore, it seems many women admire those qualities in men
(strength and control) so it ties into that - not necessarily to
impress a woman by not asking directions, but a general sense of
needing to be capable and in control.
POSTED 9/3/1999
Joe, San Francisco, CA, United States, 32, Male, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Graphic Artist, 4 Years of College ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 93199925454
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Question:
Why do so many mentally disabled people have such poor-looking
haircuts and "nerdy" clothes? Wouldn't they get a little more
acceptance if their caretakers dressed them more like "regular"
people? They stand out enough as it is without the clownish-looking
clothes. There are many simple haircuts and clothing styles that
would look good and provide for more assimilation.
POSTED 8/31/1999
Penny, Des Moines, IA, United States, Female, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Teacher, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
829199913656
Responses:
I was a caretaker for years working with the mentally and
physically disabled. First, let's get one thing out of the way. They
are regular people, just as regular as a disabled war vet, a woman
who has lost her legs in an accident, etc. They are disabled, not
irregular. The greatest reasons for the differences in clothes and
haircuts are non-caring and money. If a disabled child is a ward of
the state, he or she gets a small stipend that their personal needs
must come out of. The clients I took care of got $55 a month. This
paid for toiletries, haircuts, clothes, field trips, etc. So you
bought the best clothes you could afford, which meant they were not
in style. If they weren't state wards, their parents would provide
more, which is why you would see children of wealthy parents better
dressed and groomed. But the poor parents tried very hard, also.
Again, look at the cost of clothes. And you simply have many people,
caretakers, parents, social workers who just don't care. The vast
majority do, but many do not. The child is an "embarassment." A final
reason that ties in with not caring is the abilities of some of these
people. Low-functioning children like those I worked with (my
teenagers had the intelligence equivalent of a 2-year-old) are very
rough on clothes. Many soil their clothes, spill food and drink on
them, etc., just as little children would do. If you have to change
them four times a day, what would the cost of clothing come to? But
money is far and away the biggest reason. If you don't like the way
they look, become a friend to one, and pay for their clothing and
haircuts. If we all did this, just think how much better off they
would be. I know the staff where I worked did as much as we could.
But with 50 children, and when you only earn $7 an hour, how much can
you do? If the people who take care of these wonderful human beings
get so little, imagine how much the clients get.
POSTED 9/1/1999
JeniB, Boston, MA, United States, <JeniB@vjmail.com>, 33,
Jewish, White/Caucasian, Straight, Software Technician, Over 4 Years
of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 8311999111907
I worked with developmentally disabled for more than three 3
years. It is a very taxing experience. In most cases, the most simple
haircuts are chosen because the goal is to help teach the individuals
how to take care of themselves. As far as the clothing, most agencies
and individuals do not have a lot of money. Also, we try to allow the
individuals themselves to pick out their own clothing. This allows
them to have some control over thier own lives. We need to emphasize
here, that what you are referring to is all 'lipstick and rouge.' Do
you know what? We all need to look beyond that with all individuals.
Even though the individuals I worked with were non-verbal, extremely
developmentally disabled, and did not have stylish hair cuts, or
stylish clothes, they touched my heart. I think of them often and
wonder how they are doing. Their emotions are often unconditional
even though many people have abandoned them in their lives. I think
we all could take a lesson from them. They don't look at clothes, or
hair or anything physical, they care just because.
POSTED 9/1/1999
Leah, Seattle, WA, United States, 28, Female, Paralegal, 4 Years of
College, Mesg ID 831199961844
First, because many mentally challenged people require extra care
for daily tasks, caregivers often keep their clients' grooming to a
very simple routine. It's a concept similar to giving recruits in
basic training crew cuts, in part, so that they will not have to have
a trim during basic. Second, some mentally challenged people require
expensive care, and thus do not have a great deal of money to spend
on a wardrobe. Some rely on clothing donated by others, which may be
very worn, out of date, and mismatched. Third, most of the mentally
challenged people I have met are much more comfortable with
themselves than those of us who call ourselves normal. They wear what
they like. It often reflects a bright, whimsical outlook on life.
Finally, I have to express some concern about why you feel people
have to assimilate to be accepted. Do people have to have a certain
'look' or act by a defined set of standards to have value? While I'm
not necessarily offended by your asking the question, please take the
opportunity to examine why you asked, because, as a teacher, the
values you model will be passed on to the people you teach.
POSTED 9/1/1999
Stacee, Sugar Land, TX, United States, 30, Female, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, TV production, Over 4 Years of College ,
Upper middle class, Mesg ID 831199925846
Two possible answers: 1)Social security and/or disability payments
do not stretch very far, especially if you cannot hold a good-paying
job. This limits the amount an individual can spend on clothes and
haircuts. 2)Caring for a person who is mentally disabled may be an
emotionally and financially draining situation. There may be
increased medical bills or money must be spent for assistance from
care providers. You also remarked in your question that mentally
challenged people 'stand out' anyway. Maybe you are just noticing the
clothes and haircuts because you are noticing the individual.
POSTED 9/1/1999
Greg, Denver, CO, United States, Male, Methodist, White/Caucasian,
Gay, Law student, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
831199952151
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Question:
I have been an auto mechanic for 13 years. I have worked very hard to
learn my profession, considering that cars have changed drastically
over the years and I have to constantly re-educate myself to learn
new and complex systems. But I'm still regarded as a grease monkey
and a thief. Why hasn't public opinion of my profession changed in 50
years?
POSTED 8/31/1999
Curious, Taylor, MI, United States, Mesg ID 62999101916
Responses:
I would guess that the grease monkey opinion of mechanics is
similar to the lower opinion that a lot of people have of certain
types of manual labor. Maintenance people, factory workers, plumbers,
etc. I don't get it, either. It's just a classist view some people
take. My boss, who has worked in the same building for more than 10
years, was amazed that after six months of working there I knew the
maintenance men's names. She asked 'How do you know their names?' My
response was simply: 'I asked them.' I could tell she thought it was
below her to even bother with such trivial matters. It is upsetting
that people feel this way. At any moment a person can find themselves
working at a job that they'd never 'stoop so low' to before. Also,
every job, especially manual workers, is extremely important to the
functioning of our world. I know it's a yucky thing to have to just
suck it up and deal with it. I even have to do it as a
college-educated consultant working at a university. You have no idea
how many professors treat me like I am some idiot and talk down to me
when they call me for help. They don't even see the irony in that -
that they aren't capable of solving their own problems. They simply
don't have those skills, much like the people who bring their cars to
you don't have those skills. (I'm sure you can work in some
psychology about how a person, when feeling insecure, demeans the
other person who holds the power in that situation.) I love my
mechanic and would hope I've never given him the impression that you
get. I'm sure there are other customers who do. It's something you
get in every customer-based job, probably more so in your profession
than mine. It would be nice if more people did start to change their
opinion of auto mechanics. Until it happens, you'll just have to
continue to show yourself as the more socially evolved person!
POSTED 9/1/1999
Stacey, Northampton, MA, United States, <stimply@bigfoot.com>,
27, Female, Computer consultant, Over 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 8311999103208
In my experience, trusting an auto mechanic can be a difficult
decision. I have had good and bad experiences. My mechanic in
Virginia turned out to be bad. He replaced my alternator with a 'new'
model that died within a month. He also took a deposit on work that
he never did, and refused to pay me back. On the other hand, my 'new'
alternator died while I was moving to New Jersey, and I wound up
having to get a mechanic in a small rural Virginia town to replace
it. It would have been very easy for the mechanic to take advantage
of the situation, but he charged a fair price and bent over backward
to help. Unfortunately, I have to say that my bad experiences
outnumber my good experiences, so I tend to distrust mechanics. In
addition to personal experience, I can point to any number of
undercover news programs that show examples of mechanics purposely
damaging a vehicle to get more business, or charging a customer for
work not needed or services not rendered. All of this has contributed
to a stereotype that I have to resist. I can imagine that the
experiences of others are similar.
POSTED 9/3/1999
John K., Cranford, NJ, United States, <jkeegan3@home.com> , 26,
Male, Chemical Engineer, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg
ID 91199931738
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Question:
Why is it that whenever I hear something just totally crazy,
something I would never have thought of doing, it's always white
people who are doing it? For example, devil workship, white kids
killing their own parents and other kids, and even weird sexual
fetishes. I even saw something involving white kids eating human
waste for a keg of beer. I don't see any people of color doing this
kind of stuff, unless they grew up with white people or hang around
them too much. I'm not talking about all white people because I have
some cool white friends. But do many white people not have any
self-esteem?
POSTED 8/27/1999
Cheemama, New York, NY, United States, 25, Female, American Indian/
Latino, Lesbian, Entrepreneur, 2 Years of College , Middle class,
Mesg ID 825199980116
Responses:
I have to admit the keg of beer one was pretty weird. I suspect
we all more sensitive to the outlandish things of other cultures and
overlook our own. As a white 'burbs kind of guy, I think those
souped-up cars that can hop up and down are pretty strange. But come
to think of it, Sport Utility Vehicles that never leave the road
(like mine) are kind of odd, also. Some of this is publicity, also.
The media publish what they think their readers will read. The weird,
disgusting stuff that "others" do always is interesting. (National
Geographic Magazine has made hay with this for a century!) The weird,
disgusting stuff that your own culture does is, frankly, just as
weird and disgusting.
POSTED 8/27/1999
Steve, Houston, TX, United States, 38, Male, White/Caucasian,
Engineer, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 8271999100015
For the moment, I'll ignore the fact that you seem to imply that
being around white people will make you some kind of sociopath. Part
of the answer is numbers. Frankly, there are more white people
around, so there is more of a chance that a white person will be
involved in a behavior, or that the behavior will be noticed. The
other part of the answer is that you are incorrect in your
assumptions. White kids are hardly the only ones killing other kids
or adults. Black-on-black violence is a quick example. Gang violence
is also widespread, crossing ethnic boundaries. And for everyone who
seems to think that all serial killers are white, what about that
Latino serial killer who was arrested several weeks ago? So, getting
back to the first point: Maybe you think that only white people do
nasty things because you have a negative opinion of white people and
fail to recognize the many valid examples of non-whites doing nasty
things.
POSTED 8/27/1999
John K., Cranford, NJ, United States, <jkeegan3@home.com>, 26,
Male, Chemical Engineer, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg
ID 827199911622
I think this is a problem of the media. The media tends to be the
most upset when a member of a middle-class white family turns into a
monster, much more so than when a member of another social class or
race acts in a similar manner. If you watch the news, the media
almost appear to say, "My God, can you believe it: They're
white."
POSTED 8/30/1999
Xaque, Sanders, OR, United States, <darshevania@hotmail.com>,
20, Male, Searching for religious view, Chinese/American, Student, 2
Years of College , Lower middle class, Mesg ID 829199925007
I disagree with the statement that only white people do crazy
things. Just look at our prison population; filled with every ethnic
group out there (a large portion African American. Convicts do crazy
things to get in prison.
POSTED 8/30/1999
Daniel, Fort Lauderdale, FL, United States, 23, Male, 4 Years of
College , Middle class, Mesg ID 828199940400
I would be willing to bet that if you really tried, you could find
some instances of non-white kids participating in devil worship and
the like. White kids might do some nasty stuff, but what about the
nasty stuff the African-American college kids do when they
participate in "Freaknik" in Atlanta? I don't see any white kids
doing that stuff. Also, you commented on white kids killing other
white kids. What about all the African-American, Latino and Asian
kids in gangs who kill each other? There's an awful lot of killing
going on, and it's not all done by whites. I don't think lack of
self-confidence has anything to do with it. It's lack of self-control
and lack of respect for anyone. Parents have abdicated their
responsibility to teachers, police officers and anyone who will do
anything so they don't have to. Don't blame the kids, blame the
parents.
POSTED 8/30/1999
Cheryl, Atlanta, GA, United States, 50, Female, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Tecnhical Analyst, 4 Years of College ,
Upper class, Mesg ID 827199915013
You think it's white people? The world in general thinks it's
Americans. When you talk about crazy, ask anyone from Argentina to
Zaire and they will tell you that Americans in general (no matter
what race), and those raised or living in American society (like that
Latino serial killer), are the wackiest of people. A good standard of
living (when you don't worry about having food to eat) plus racial
hatred, plus a stressing rat race and dog-eat-dog materialism creat a
society in which the weak (no matter what race or social status)
simply crack up and lose it, being absorbed into abnormal practices
and conducts. The conducts that you all mention (souped-up cars that
hop, the dirty keg contest, gang violence, serial killers, etc.) are
not black or white things, they are American things.
POSTED 9/1/1999
Nelson A., Caracas, NA, Venezuela, 30, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Lawyer/Business, Over 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 8311999102553
While I would have to say that most white people don't do crazy
things as you mentioned, for the most part, whenever I hear about
someone doing something crazy and sometimes just all-out stupid, they
tend to be white. I often ask myself why this is, especially when
they have to be rescued. For example, I read about this man who
decided he wanted to be closer to God so he went out into the desert
in Australia for 40 days. He had to be rescued because the fool ran
out of food and was severely dehydrated. Something should have told
him that what he was doing was foolish, especially when even nomadic
people refused to live in this desert. I've come to realize that
people of color have too many burdens to face. We don't have enough
time to experiment with things that will cause us harm.
POSTED 9/3/1999
Cherita, San Francisco, CA, United States, Female, Baptist,
Black/African American, Straight, Professional, 4 Years of College ,
Upper middle class, Mesg ID 831199920132
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Question:
This has bugged me for months: I have heard the word boo used by
black women in describing a relationship. Now, I was married to a
black woman for 17 years until she passed away, and I thought I was
pretty knowledgable, but this word really doesn't make any sense to
me. What does it mean?
POSTED 8/27/1999
Dorssie M. Jr., Pensacola, FL, United States,
<www.lavernemelvin@prodigy.net>, 52, Male, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Retired soldier, 2 Years of College ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 826199925223
Responses:
From what I know of the word, it's simply a cutesy way of saying
that someone's your love or "baby."
POSTED 8/30/1999
Orleanas, Boston, MA, United States, 19, Female, Black/African
American, Mesg ID 827199931048
The term 'boo' is not in reference to a 'relationship', it is a
term of endearment (like baby, or honey).
POSTED 8/30/1999
Malinda, Kansas City, MO, United States, 19, Female, Black/African
American, Straight, Student, Upper middle class, Mesg ID
827199980322
The word 'Boo' is just a term of affection. It is very similar to
being called Baby or Honey. I've haven't heard very many whites use
the term but I have heard it a lot. Check out my email ID.
POSTED 8/30/1999
Angee, Clarksville (Ft. Campbell, KY), TN, United States,
<Boointn@aol.com>, 24, Female, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
828199974606
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Question:
I was in Louisville recently and noticed the following in an area
frequented by gays: Several adult males walking, driving, etc., with
pacifiers in their mouths. Can anyone tell me what this means?
POSTED 8/30/1999
Steve J., Warrensburg, MO, United States, 42, Male, White/Caucasian,
Straight, 2 Years of College , Middle class,Mesg ID 8281999111001
Responses:
A few years ago, the pacifier thing was popular - out here, at
least - among teenage girls, especially among black girls. But I have
never seen it among gay men, and since I'm a gay man in the San
Francisco Bay Area, I tend to think I've seen it all. It must be very
localized. Is there a gay fraternity at a college in Louisville?
POSTED 8/31/1999
Max H., Oakland, CA, United States, Male, Gay, Mesg ID
830199965231
The "pacifiers for grownups" fad was big here in the San Francisco
Bay Area back in the early '90s. Here, it was mostly young gay men
and straight women who wore them as pendants on a cord. It started
with rave culture and became a fad. This fad for pacifier jewelry has
petered out here by now. There is also a candy I have seen called
"Bottle Pops," which is like Pixie Stix in a baby bottle-shaped
dispenser. Personally, I think that grown people wearing pacifiers is
silly and juvenile, but who am I to judge because it is harmless.
POSTED 8/31/1999
Crystal, Oakland, CA, United States, 30's, Female, Pagan,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Office Manager, 2 Years of College ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 8311999123055
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