Best of the Week
of Oct. 8, 2000
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Oct. 8, 2000, as selected
by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the Week"
entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing Y?'s new
database using the search form, or, in the
case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in the
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the new database as
well). In the Original Archives and the new database, you will find
questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer any questions
relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask any
provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily
meant to represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can
provide a window into the insights of an individual from that
group.
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Question:
Why is it that Germans have a different liver from other people for
assimilating so much beer?
POSTED 10/13/00
Ghislain B., Namur, Belgium, Mesg ID 10130054740
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Question:
Should gays or lesbians try to change their sexual orientation? Are
there any web sites with information about this?
POSTED 10/12/00
Jenn W., Whittier, CA, United States, <jenn_vbgirl@yahoo.com>,
18, Female, Presbyterian, White/Caucasian, Straight, student, High
School Diploma , Upper middle class, Mesg ID 101200120627
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Question:
I am curious about something I see in American Sign Language
interpretation. I see this most often when there is
picture-in-picture interpretation on TV. I see the ASL interpreter
signing away, and also emphatically mouthing something that appears
to have nothing to do with what is being said. I can lipread a little
(I've spent a lot of time in noisy situations with earplugs on), and
I can't figure out what the interpreter is saying. What's going
on?
POSTED 10/12/00
Catharine, Seattle, WA, United States, 37, Female, Atheist, Pacific
Islander, Straight, Stage IV breast cancer, Writer, 4 Years of
College , Middle class, Mesg ID 10120053622
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Question:
Is it my imagination, or are Catholics more frugal than their
non-Catholic counterparts, in the negative sense? I have noticed
things like 'letting the other guy treat' in restaurants, cheap
Christmas presents and trying to finagle staying at someone's home
while traveling instead of staying at a motel. I can't imagine that
this is solely because of Catholics historically having large
families, therefore 'making every dollar count.' It also shows up in
the collection basket at Mass. Could it have something to do with
'everything ultimately belongs to God, therefore get what you can'
instead of the Protestant notion of 'work for what you get'? I have
been a Catholic for 25 years and have never found justification for
stinginess in any catechism; quite the opposite. Yet I find this
trait among my co-religionists very bewildering.
POSTED 10/11/00
Augustine, Columbia, SC, United States, 40, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
10110065754
Responses:
I've never observed Catholics as being tight with their money. In
fact, my family and many of my Catholic friends are very generous.
Since I've moved South, I've encountered tons of cheapskates in all
religions! Many friends who are my age (30s) are very cheap, but make
good money. It's embarrassing to go out with them when they don't
want to tip at restaurants and prefer shopping at cheap places like
Goody's. Many people I've met here do not want to spend money on
important events such as weddings and showers. I enjoy living for the
moment and spending moderately because I may not be around
tomorrow.
POSTED 10/13/00
Nancy, Atlanta, GA, United States, 35, Female, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, professional, Over 4 Years of College ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 10120040317
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Question:
To people of varying backgrounds: What's the most embarrassing thing
that's happened to you when interacting with someone of a different
language/culture?
POSTED 10/8/2000
xuersn, Shanghai, n/, China, <ying_babe@china.com>, Female,
Asian, teacher, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 107200044254
Responses:
I am originally from England and was studying in Canada as an
exchange student when I was in secondary school. As I was heading off
to bed one night, I asked the male head of the host family if he
would be so kind as to 'knock me up in the morning,' which to a Brit
means 'wake me up.' After all the laughter died down, I was let in on
what that particular phrase means in North America.
POSTED 10/10/00
D.D., London, NA, Canada, 29, Female, Atheist, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Upper class, Mesg ID
108200085418
Teaching students from Asia in Australia made me realize what a
double-bind is. I was explaining that in an examination I needed
students to use their knowledge gained from the subject, and to take
the unknown situation posed in the exam and use their own knowledge
as well to create a coherent, well-explained strategy. The Asian
students pleaded with me to tell them what they needed to answer. I
explained that Western education required students to build on the
knowledge offered in the subject, even to build a case against it. I
realized they felt bound to believe me in a Confucian sense. But I
was asking them to disagree with me, and justify it!
POSTED 10/10/00
Kent, Melbourne, NA, Australia, 57, Male, Episcopalian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class,
Mesg ID 1092000110327
The first time I had the opportunity to meet a lot of people from
other countries was at a youth diversity conference. Since Ireland
has almost no ethnic minority groups, I was rather naive. I was
happily running around asking people where they were from and how to
say 'hello' in their language. Approaching an Asian woman, I asked
where she was from, and got the reply 'Sweden.' I burst out laughing
and said, 'Hehehe, nice one, yeah! So ... where ARE you from?' It
didn't occur to me that there are often differences between
nationality and ethnicity... DOH!!! Although now we have been a
couple for five years, so I think she forgave me...
POSTED 10/11/00
Iteki, Stockholm, Via Dublin, Ireland, NA, Sweden, 24, Female,
Recovering Catholic, White/Caucasian, Lesbian, student, 2 Years of
College, Lower middle class, Mesg ID 10100042941
We host exchange students. This is really their moment. Most are
European and have learned British English. Several years ago, one
young man went to school, leaned over in class and asked the young
lady next to him if he could borrow her 'rubber.' To him, in British,
he was asking for an eraser. In American (for those unfamiliar with
our slang), a rubber is a male's device for preventing pregnancy.
Definitely an embarrassing moment. From now on, I try and remember to
warn our students NOT to do that!
POSTED 10/11/00
Beth, Ft. Myers, FL, United States, 41, Female, White/Caucasian,
journalist, 4 Years of College , Lower middle class, Mesg ID
101100124703
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Question:
Why do people frequently comment (usually in a negative manner) on
someone's size?
POSTED 10/8/2000
Deb N., Monterey Bay Area, CA, United States, 45, Female,
White/Caucasian, Lower middle class, Mesg ID 1062000105511
Responses:
One possible answer is jealousy or envy. At work there is a
�clique� of 6 or 7 quite overweight people. Every day at lunch they
eat the kind of food the rest of us have to deny ourselves most of
the time. I used to be overweight, and I really have to watch what I
eat, and that kind of lunch for me is a monthly occurrence at best.
Although it's been a couple years since I lost weight, and I feel
great, I still really miss junk food. So when I see people regularly
overdoing it with no guilt or care about how they look or feel, I�m
jealous. For this group, it's party time at lunch, with card games,
jokes and lots of food. They enjoy themselves, while the rest of us
poke at our carrot sticks. It's not my nature to comment, but I�ve
heard lots of snide remarks from the other �skinnies,� the general
theme being that they (the overweight group) rub our noses in it. I
should add that this group is fun to work with and brightens up the
office - except that they bring doughnuts for everyone at (otherwise
intensely boring) meetings, which taxes everyone's will power.
POSTED 10/9/00
J. Snow, Vancouver, British Columbia, NA, Canada, 32, Male, Native
American, Straight, librarian, 4 Years of College, Lower middle
class, Mesg ID 108200093825
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Question:
I know that this could seem like a generalization, but after 40 years
of repeated observation, I still wonder: do African Americans have a
different hearing mechanism than others? From my perspective, their
speech is noticeably louder, more often, more of the time, than other
racial/ethnic groups. I have postulated that perhaps this has
something to do with hearing thresholds.
POSTED 10/8/00
James D., Raleigh, NC, United States, 46, Male, White/Caucasian,
Professional, Over 4 Years of College , Upper middle class, Mesg ID
108200033729
I've noticed that in general, we African Americans tend to
converse more loudly than others at times. I don't know that this has
anything to do with different hearing levels, but I do think that
other cultures value 'social reserve' more than we do. Exuberance,
animation and expressiveness are common among us. I don't mind the
generalization. Generalization, after all, implies that not everyone
fits the description.
POSTED 10/10/00
Jennifer R., St. Paul, MN, United States, <DKFLWR@aol.com>, 29,
Female, Humanist, Black/African American, Straight, Writer and
student, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
10102000121206
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Question:
Is it true that black guys have bigger penises than white guys?
POSTED 9/10/00
Jon, Havre, MT, United States, Male, Mesg ID 910200074457
Responses:
I hope I don't get raked over the coals for this answer, but my
first inclination at giving a generalized answer to this one is to
say yes. From what I've seen, black guys are generally larger - but
there have definitely been exceptions. I have to remind you, though,
that bigger isn't always necessarily better. Very large penises can
just plain hurt.
POSTED 9/30/00
S.R., Austin, TX, United States, 22, Female, Humanist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, student, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
9300012448
In my experience, this is not true. I have known black and white
men with large penises, and in fact the largest I ever encountered
belonged to an Asian. There have been studies showing correlations
between race and penis size, but I think these tell us what is
average for large population samples, not individuals. For example,
statistics show that men are taller than women, but every man is not
taller than every woman. I think the same applies to race and penis
size. So the black man with a small organ or the white or Asian with
a large one is perhaps not an exception, but someone at one end of a
very broad range.
POSTED 10/8/00
F.Z., Los Angeles, CA, United States, Female, Black/African American,
Straight, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 107200075558
As a person in the medical profession, I would have to agree that
on average most black men are larger. However, I have also seen black
men with very small penises and white men with very large
penises.
POSTED 10/10/00
Berry, Richmond, VA, United States, 28, Female, Baptist,
Black/African American, Straight, medical profession, Over 4 Years of
College , Mesg ID 109200090822
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Question:
I'm white and have a 14-month-old adopted black grandchild (the
adoptive parents are white). How can the child best be helped to stay
in contact with its own heritage?
POSTED 10/8/2000
John C., Strafford, MO, United States, <jelad@hotmail.com>, 56,
Male, Unity School of Christianity, White/Caucasian, Straight,
factory worker, High School Diploma , Middle class, Mesg ID
107200010853
Responses:
I think your concern about your grandchild's 'own heritage'
probably shows that your heart is in the right place. However, there
may be no need for this heritage link; in fact, it could be a
negative thing. What do you mean by heritage? Do you mean the child's
ethnicity and/or race, or cultural heritage? If you believe that
because the child is black, the rules for good and loving parenting
are somehow different than if the child were white, I strongly
disagree. The child's 'own heritage' comes from the parents, not from
his or her skin color or genes or other circumstances of birth.
Therefore, if the adopting parents identify with a German heritage,
it should be shared with the child. If, as I suspect, the parents
mostly identify with an American heritage, then they have something
wonderful to pass along to the child in that case, too. Because the
child looks significantly different from the parents, disclosure of
the adoption to the child is unavoidable, but that's fine. The child
should receive the love that any child would receive, regardless of
birth circumstances, and also reasonable straight talk about how the
family came to be so constituted. But to guide the child to a
heritage that is presumably alien to the parents would only serve to
weaken the bonds of love and family that were developed over years.
Allow the child the freedom to investigate any cultural heritage he
or she becomes interested in, but always emphasize that he is rooted
in your heritage, because you are his family. I cannot see the good
in saying, 'Your heritage is over there, and ours is over here.' At
no point is anyone saying that another heritage to which the child
may have a connection is inferior or off limits. It just happens to
be different. I hope you think about it. I've heard many blacks
oppose adoption of black children by whites, on the grounds that the
white parents cannot provide this heritage link. But again, heritage
is not about your genes or skin color, it's about who raises you.
Don't feel that you are required to 'raise the child as an African
American (or other black cultural group) child.' Just love him as
your own!
POSTED 10/11/00
S. Parker, Aliso Viejo, CA, United States, 38, Male, White/Caucasian,
Self-employed, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
10110035645
I think one way to keep the child connected is to make sure he
will comfortable being around his own race. One way to do this is to
get him involved with other minorities. That may mean getting him
involved with a church that is predominantly black or heavily mixed
so that he can interact with other blacks. I feel that the emphasis
should be on keeping him in a mixed environment. This is a really
difficult question to answer, but I applaud your decision to
adopt.
POSTED 10/11/00
Berry, Richmond, VA, United States, 28, Female, Baptist,
Black/African American, medical profession, Over 4 Years of College,
Mesg ID 10100081617
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Question:
Why does it seem that some African-American men (moreso than white
men) allow their fingernails (all of them or just a couple on one or
both hands) to grow long, like a woman's? Is it bad hygiene, or a
fashion statement of sorts? I fail to see the attractiveness of this
rather disgusting-looking practice.
POSTED 10/8/2000
S.W., Sterling Heights, MI, United States, 26, Male, 4 Years of
College, Middle class, Mesg ID 107200011036
Responses:
I've seen this not just with black men, but men of all races. I
don't know if this is always the case, but I know that serious
cocaine users often grow out their pinky fingernails. It's a
convenient place to put some coke when doing it in a hurry.
POSTED 10/9/00
S.R., Austin, TX, United States, 22, Female, Humanist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, student, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
109200010637
While it is true that some cocaine users grow a nail long for
convenience sake, I would venture to say that most men with long
nails are not drug users. I know many men with longer nails who do
not use drugs of any kind. In general, white people's fingernails are
much thinner than those of blacks and Hispanics. As a result, blacks
and Hispanics can naturally grow their nails longer. Their nails also
tend to grow faster than white people's.
POSTED 10/10/00
Lucy H., San Jose, CA, United States, 26, Female, Hispanic/Latino,
Engineer, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 109200085817
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Question:
Why does it seem that lower-middle-class people choose to go
barefoot, say, when visiting the local ice cream stand? I've observed
countless parents with their children with nothing on their feet who
are walking in a parking lot. It seems quite dangerous and
irresponsible. These are not homeless people and can obviously afford
shoes if they are buying ice cream, so money is not the issue.
POSTED 10/8/2000
S.W., Sterling Heights, MI, United States, 26, Male, 4 Years of
College , Middle class, Mesg ID 107200011914
Responses:
When I was a kid I liked to go barefoot, especially in spring
when it was warm, but not so warm to where you could fry an egg on
the pavement. In summer, forget about it, unless it's on grass. In
winter, maybe on a warmer day, this being Southern California and
all. Some places, such as certain grocery stores, don't mind if you
go barefoot. And I could walk for a while on pavement while barefoot,
because I've got feet like Fred Flintstone. Here are some possible
reasons: #1. They've got lousy shoes, and being barefoot is freeing.
#2. They're free spirits, sort of like one's hippie aunt. #3. They've
been wearing heavy work boots all week, and their dogs are killing
them. #4. Common slobbishness. Of course, it's not a good idea to
walk barefoot through the middle of L.A.; you might step on a syringe
or a broken beer bottle or an unidentified puddle of something or
other...
POSTED 10/9/00
Dan, Los Angeles, CA, United States, Male, Pentecostal,
Hispanic/Latino, Student, 2 Years of College , Lower middle class,
Mesg ID 109200023215
What's wrong with walking barefoot? I was raised in an upper
middle-class neighborhood, and yet as a child, one of my favorite
parts of summer was shedding my shoes - take off the constrictive
closed toe and socks; wiggle my toes. It was fun. It still is. I
suppose it's dangerous to some degree (hazards like glass and nails)
but no more dangerous than a thousand other outdoor pleasures
(picnics, hiking, swimming holes, bicycles, etc.). And as the summer
progresses, feet get tougher, so they can handle hot pavement or
little pebbles. I daresay not everyone does what they can afford, and
there's a lot of fun in simplicity.
POSTED 10/10/00
Lisa, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 25, Female, Christian,
Straight, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 109200081840
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Question:
Is college different for students who are gay, lesbian, transgendered
or bisexual? If so, how (e.g. in terms of participating in campus
organizations, availability/quality of services and clubs that meet
your needs, choice of institution to attend, course content, comfort
level with other students, staff and faculty at the institution)?
POSTED 10/8/2000
Sara, Toledo, OH, United States, 22, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian,Mesg ID 107200052708
Responses:
Funny you should ask. It's Coming Out Week, and college campuses
across the country are offering programs for gay and straight
students. At the liberal arts college where I teach, there are a
variety of speakers. At today's chapel service, a lesbian student
gave the homily and came out to the audience. Our campus offers an
Out House, where gay students and straight student allies live
together. A statewide organization comes here yearly and offers a
program about gay students for faculty members. I attended, and now
have a banner o my bulletin board that reads, 'Safe Place,' inviting
gay students to feel free to speak to me openly. For students on this
campus, it's kind of a mixed bag; many of the students come from
conservative backgrounds and are uncomfortable or naive about
homosexuality, but the school itself is fairly liberal and has made
efforts to make gay students feel welcome. I'm sure experiences for
gay students differ by school. I attended large state universities
where there were many resources for gay students. At small,
conservative schools, I'm sure resources are limited.
POSTED 10/10/00
Rhiannon, Eden Prairie, MN, United States, 30, Female, Jewish,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Professor, Middle class, Mesg ID
109200032601
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Question:
To female athletes: What does your activity consist of and how much
do you train? What characterizes your dietary intake? How do you
perceive your state of health (how do you feel)? Do you get regular
periods? Do you wish to, and do you think menstruation is necessary
for health?
POSTED 10/8/2000
Slyosa, San Jose, CA, United States, 21, Female, 4 Years of College,
Mesg ID 107200064940
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