Best of the Week
of Oct. 20, 2002
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Oct. 20, 2002, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries
from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing Y?'s database
using the search form , or, in the case of
answers posted before April 24, 1999, in the
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into thedatabase as
well). In the Original Archives, as well as in the database, you will
find questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer any questions
relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask any
provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily
meant to represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can
provide a window into the insights of an individual from that
group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop
at Y?'s guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
The book on
Y? is here!
"Why Do White People Smell
Like Wet Dogs
When They Come Out Of The Rain?"
Order it here!
Read the Associated Press story
on "Wet Dogs"
Question:
Why are older people generally more meticulous about things? I
have noticed, for instance, that they cover soft drink cans with a
napkin or a plastic bag (so as not to touch the condensation) and
that they iron their clothing constantly lest they be caught wearing
something that's wrinkled. Does this carry over from a time when the
wife was usually at home full-time and a higher standard of
housekeeping was expected?
POSTED 10/20/2002
Augustine, Columbia, SC, United States, 42, Male, White/Caucasian,
Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 10192002111123
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Question:
Men: how often do you pleasure yourselves? I probably average
once every other day, which my wife thinks is excessive. I happen to
think it's just natural and a great release mechanism. Also, I'd be
interested to see how/if this cuts across racial/gender lines. For
example, how often do African-American men/women take care of
themselves, and if they don't do it often, why not, etc.
POSTED 10/17/2002
J.M., n/a, FL, United States, Male, White/Caucasian, Mesg ID
1017200291211
Responses:
I don't think race has anything to do with it. It's just a great
stress releaser, I agree. Every other day isn't that much, in my
opinion. Hell, I do every day if I'm in the mood and my partner isn't
around to do it for me. My boyfriend (he's black), doesn't do it
(well, at least that's what he tells me). He'd rather have me do it
for him (don't laugh) or just have sex. But I agree, it relieves
stress, and there's nothing wrong with it.
POSTED 10/20/2002
Kesha, Pittsburgh, PA, United States, 26, Female, Christian,
Black/African American, Computers, 2 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 10182002111519
When I'm single, I average once or (occasionally) twice a day.
When I'm in a relationship (as I currently am) even if I'm not
getting "release," so to speak, it drops to once a week.
POSTED 10/20/2002
Alex, Beloit, WI, United States, 19, Male, Jewish, White/Caucasian,
Bisexual, Student, High School Diploma, Upper middle class, Mesg ID
1018200220722
I do it at least once a day. It also seems that the more sex I
have with my partner, the more I want to masturbate later.
POSTED 10/22/2002
Todd, Gastonia, NC, United States, 38, Male, White/Caucasian, Gay,
4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 1022200282939
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Question:
I don't know why, but no black males in my school ask me out on
a date. It is always white males who come on to me. Is it because I'm
not the stereotypical ghetto black girl? I'm truly confused. Does
anyone care to enlighten me?
POSTED 10/20/2002
Nicole B., somewhere, NY, United States, 17, Female, Atheist,
Black/African American, Straight, student, Less than High School
Diploma, Middle class, Mesg ID 1019200223255
Responses:
Nicole, hang in there. In life, those with similar morals, ethics
and goals tend to find one another, regardless of race. Also, if you
truly defy stereotyping, discontinue using terms like 'ghetto black
girl.' Check your history references and you'll learn the real
meaning of the word 'ghetto.' Don't buy into deception.
POSTED 10/21/2002
Gene, Chicago, IL, United States, 47, Male, Christian,
Black/African American, Straight, Self employed, 2 Years of College,
Lower middle class, Mesg ID 1021200292723
You sound as if you're a bit upset about not getting the brothers
- or is it that you're just curious as to why they don't want you? I
can offer some explanations on why white males appear to be attracted
to you. I believe that when we attract only a certain kind of pepole
we are sending vibes toward others that attract them to us. It could
be that you act more like a white girl instead of a black one. It may
be stereotypical, but the Anglo culture may regard passiveness as
being ladylike and desirable, whereas in the black culture feistiness
is encouraged and even respected. So you're right. White boys like
your vibes and black boys don't because maybe you're too passive for
them. I'm not saying you have to be phony or anything, but try
immersing yourself in the black culture more or be a cross between
the two; maybe that way you'll catch more brothers out there.
POSTED 10/24/2002
Monique M., Ft. Myers, FL, United States, 17, Female, Christian,
Straight, Mesg ID 1022200240451
Don't be confused. It's a male thing. The answer is yes: In some
instances it may be a 'ghetto' thing, but in most cases I think it's
a case of men just being intimidated by a strong, self-confident
woman. Trust me, the strong black male you seem to seek is out there;
you just haven't met him yet. It is more important to be true to
yourself and be who you are. 'To thy own self be true.'
POSTED 10/24/2002
Harvey, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 49, Male, Black/African
American, Middle class, Mesg ID 1022200293032
First, you have to get rid of the notion that we are only after
'ghetto' girls. Some of us, in fact, are repulsed by such girls.
You'll have to describe your situation a little more clearly before I
can give a more complete opinion. Do you live in a more well-to-do
part of town? Is your school culturally mixed?
POSTED 10/24/2002
Vincent, Minneapolis, MN, United States,
<aries73@mindspring.com>, 29, Male, Agnostic, Black/African
American, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Lower middle class, Mesg
ID 1023200295559
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Question:
I went into a bank recently and several East Indians were in
line, and the placed smelled of strong body odor. The sweat and the
spice smell made me ill, and I decided to hell with getting money out
and left. I do not feel that all of them take a bath, brush their
teeth or wash their clothes properly. What do others think?
POSTED 7/16/2002
Lilly, Calgary, Alberta, NA, Canada, 40, Female, Mesg ID
7122002124019
Responses:
I'm with you there. I once had to share a flight from London to
Chicago with six of the stinkiest Indians in the Northern hemisphere.
Their hot, sulfuric BO permeated the cabin and made it difficult to
eat. Even more ironically, they were wheeling large bottles of water
through the airport with them when they got off. The stewardess said
it's not uncommon; the transporting of the water or the stench.
Thoroughly disgusting.
POSTED 7/19/2002
Brad, Boise, ID, United States, Male, Mesg ID 719200271441
Some people may be like that, but not all of us are that stinky.
Actually, it has more to do with what you eat than not having a bath.
If you cook and eat a certain thing, you are likely to smell of it.
Especially since the pungent spices used are partly present in the
sweat that the body gives out. I have often noticed some of my
Chinese friends smelling of fish, or some of my European friends
smelling of beef/ketchup, and you may not notice that as you are used
to that smell. But I do agree that people from the rural villages
here do not take care about putting on any deodorant. But I can
assure you it has nothing to do with not taking a bath; many of us
bathe two times a day.
POSTED 10/20/2002
Vijay, Surat, NA, India, 29, Male, Hindu, Asian, Manager, Over 4
Years of College, Upper class, Mesg ID 726200235008
It's not really a case
of bathing or not. When you eat a lot of cumin and garlic and onion,
it comes out when you sweat. Then the cumin and garlic odor it will
start to permeate your clothes. Americans are obsessed with
cleanliness so we wash our clothes daily, but other cultures (and
older and poorer Americans) wash clothes less often. As a side note,
when I was younger I could not stand talking to white kids after
lunch because they smelled like spoiled milk. I never drank milk
because I wasn't raised that way, so I found the odor
revolting.
POSTED
10/24/2002
Libby, Charleston, WV,
United States, 34, Female, Secular Humanist, Hispanic/Latino (may be
any race), Straight, Domestic Violence Advocate, Over 4 Years of
College, Lower middle class, Mesg ID 810200243055
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Question:
I work in a library and have noticed that men, when handing
over their card or money, toss it on the counter instead of putting
it in my hand or even laying it on the counter. I rarely see women
doing this. I find it rude. Can anyone shed some light on this?
POSTED 10/20/2002
Alice B., Athens, GA, United States, 39, Female, White/Caucasian,
Library Clerk, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
1019200224602
Responses:
I've noticed it, too.
But in my case, it's my wife who tosses the money on the counter. I
always hand it to the clerk.
POSTED
10/21/2002
Rich, Boston, MA,
United States, 35, Male, Mesg ID 1021200283218
What an interesting
observation. Now that I think of it, I rarely put things directly in
strangers' hands. If I'm at the airport, I usually put my ticket and
drivers' license on the counter and slide it over to the agent. If
I'm paying for something with a card, I usually slide the card across
the counter and over to the clerk; if actual money is involved
however, I usually hand the currency (especially the coins) directly
to the clerk (I think I actually POUR the coins). I think maybe it's
an unconscious avoidance of directly touching the hands of someone I
don't know.
POSTED
10/21/2002
T.C., Phoenix, AZ,
United States, 35, Male, White/Caucasian, Gay, Web Developer, Over 4
Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 1021200294536
As a former cashier, I
found this a very rude practice done by both sexes. Whenever this
happened to me, I would slide the change back on the counter as well,
but strangely, the customer would always appear offended! And as far
as simply not wanting to touch the hands of strangers, how many
stranger's hands has your change been through, let alone mine?
Perhaps I can save you some repulsion and just keep the
change.
POSTED
10/21/2002
L deSouza-Henry,
Detroit, MI, United States, 24, Female, Baptist, Black/African
American, Straight, CSR, 4 Years of College, Lower middle class, Mesg
ID 10212002114354
Men have been
programmed in this country not to be offensive and especially not to
touch a woman without her consent. When even the most unintended
professional contact can lead to a sexual harrasment suit, why are
you surprised that men try to avoid touching you? For what it's
worth, try remembering they do so out of courtesy.
POSTED
10/22/2002
Alex, Beloit, WI,
United States, 19, Male, Jewish, White/Caucasian, Student, High
School Diploma, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 1022200264714
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Question:
I was with some female friends the other day and mentioned that
I thought a particular book was 'good porcelain throne reading.' They
looked at me funny, and one said, 'That must be a guy thing.' Do
women not read on the toilet? If not, why not? Men, do you read
magazines and books while doing your duty? Please say yes - and let
these women know about the pleasure of a really good ... read.
POSTED 10/17/2002
J.M., n/a, FL, United States, Male, White/Caucasian, Mesg ID
1017200290832
Responses:
I've got other male friends who are big toilet readers, but I've
never understood it. The way I see it is that if you've got time to
attend to anything but the matter at hand, then maybe you're just not
getting enough fiber in your diet.
POSTED 10/20/2002
N.J.W, London, NA, United Kingdom, 25, Male, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Lower middle class, Mesg ID
1018200251356
It is more male-oriented to read in the bathroom. Why? Who knows?
Most women want to use the potty and then go on with other things.
I'm not saying I've never read while 'using' the bathroom, but I
usually don't. My boyfriend, on the other hand, will finish half a
400-page book while on the toilet. He says he can concentrate better.
Hmm ... maybe I should try it more.
POSTED 10/20/2002
Kesha, Pittsburgh, PA, United States, 26, Female, Christian,
Black/African American, Computers, 2 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 10182002110725
Sorry, I'm a guy, and I don't read while doing my duty. I don't
understand why people do read while 'on the throne.' The entire
purpose of going to the bathroom is to go to the bathroom. Prolonging
it just seems wasteful. If you have to sit in there and read for 30
minutes or more before you can finish, then you probably didn't have
to go in the first place. Maybe it's just that I grew up in a
household with only one toilet, but I just don't see the need to read
on the pot.
POSTED 10/20/2002
P. R., Irvine, CA, United States, Mesg ID 1020200214729
Sure women read on the
'porcelain throne.' I can't imagine sitting there doing nothing. Even
if there are no reading materials provided, I usually read whatever's
close at hand - shampoo bottles, graffiti, whatever. I am curious now
what others do while going to the bathroom - stare into space?
POSTED
10/21/2002
Blythe, Clinton, NC,
United States, 31, Female, Episcopalian, White/Caucasian, Straight,
greenhouse manager, 4 Years of College, Lower middle class, Mesg ID
1021200294436
Yes, I read in there.It
relaxes me.
POSTED
10/22/2002
Senetra, Anderson, IN,
United States, 29, Female, Baptist, Black/African American, Straight,
2 Years of College, Lower middle class, Mesg ID 1022200255353
I've tried it, but
rarely have time to read on the toilet. I usually do my business in
60 seconds or less and move on.
POSTED
10/22/2002
Todd, Gastonia, NC,
United States, 38, Male, White/Caucasian, Gay, 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 1022200283411
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Question:
To men: do you use an electric nose-hair trimmer? My wife and
sister-in-law think it's a little odd that I don't have one at my
age, but I don't see much use for it. Is it normal to have one of
these devices, and am I the exception?
POSTED 10/17/2002
J.M., n/a, FL, United States, 40, Male, White/Caucasian, Mesg
ID 1017200291613
Responses:
I recently got a
nose/ear-hair trimmer free with a new electric razor (I used scissors
previously). It's a bit easier than scissors, but not really worth
buying unless you have a major growth. I tend to feel that with the
amount of unwanted hair sprouting all over me, while the amount on my
head rapidly declines, the improvement to my looks that comes from
trimming a few off is minimal. I'll never shave under my arms, my
chest, my arms or back, let alone the hairy backside or legs!
POSTED
10/21/2002
S.H., London, NA,
United Kingdom, <seanhodges@hotmail.com>, 38, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Geologist, Over 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 1021200223123
No, I don't have an
electric nose trimmer. A dedicated pair of small scissors does the
job, and if I am nice, my wife, who can see up there if she has to,
can do a better job than I. Nose hairs, which are very functional,
can be unsightly. But low-tech solutions are availabe.
POSTED
10/21/2002
Arnold U., Edmonton,
Alberta, NA, Canada, 49, Male, Christian, Over 4 Years of College,
Mesg ID 10212002112923
For some of us, nose
and ear hair trimmers are a necessity of life. It really depends on
the person, I guess. I'm rather hairy, and the trimmer comes in
handy. Scissors would work just as well, I suppose. Could it be the
ladies were hinting that you needed a trim?
POSTED
10/22/2002
Todd, Gastonia, NC,
United States, 38, Male, White/Caucasian, Gay, 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 1022200284122
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