Best of the Week
of Oct. 25, 1998
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges either begun or
advanced during the week of Oct. 25, 1998, as selected by Y?
These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries from previous
weeks, also can be found in their respective
archives, which we invite you to browse.
There, you will find questions that have received answers, as well as
questions still awaiting responses. We encourage you to answer any
questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask
any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at our
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
THE QUESTION:
GD12: Is it possible for a
37-year-old man who has served half his life in a penitentiary and is
now being released to live a productive life? What would it take on
an emotional and spiritual level to take him through the transitional
phase?
POSTED MAY 12, 1998
Mary R. <Rukz2@glade.net>, Teague, TX
ANSWER 1:
I have a friend who spent 12
years in prison (from 18 to 30 years of age.) Upon release, he never
wanted to return to jail, got a menial job and is now a respected
member of our town.
POSTED JUNE 9, 1998
Jen S., jscott@access.aic-fl.com, Argyle, FL
FURTHER NOTICE:
A lot depends on why he was
in the penitentiary. Also, what was his upbringing like? Did he grow
up in a severely dysfunctional family? Or only a normally
dysfunctional family? What education level does he have? What has he
done for himself while in the pen? Does he have any chemical
dependency problems? Is he a spiritual being? Yes, a person can
become a productive member of society, but you haven't given us
enough information.
POSTED JUNE 15, 1998
M.C.T., 38,white, Long Beach, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Yes, you can live a
productive life again. I am a 20-year-old female who has just spent
the last two years of my life in and out of jail. The longest time I
did was eight months. Although that does not compare to the time this
man did I can empathize with the things he is going through. Remember
that anything is possible through God and that it's not over till
it's over. I am now back in school at Dekalb Tech in Georgia. I take
GED classes during the day and work a very good job in the evenings
and on weekends. A person who's been in jail should try to surround
himself or herself with positive people who also want something out
of life. Trust me, I had to learn that the hard way. Right now I am
sure it seems to this man as if society is not that accepting, but
please, he should not give up. Keep trying!
POSTED OCT. 30, 1998
Kamilah J., 20, black female <kamilahjj@hotmail>, Jonesboro, GA
To
respond
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TOP
THE QUESTION:
SO89: I am a 23-year-old college
student who is about to move into my first house. My roommates are
female and are a lesbian couple. I am straight and would just like to
know what things I can say or shouldn't say when we live together. We
have all hung out together, and they are the nicest people. I haven't
even told my parents about them yet because I really don't think it's
any of their business, and I'm not sure if I should. I think I have a
pretty open mind, but I just don't want to step on anyone's toes.
POSTED OCT. 26, 1998
Tia, 23, straight female <tia.larue@mailcity.com>, Raleigh, NC
ANSWER 1:
What exactly are you worried
about? Are you afarid you might say the wrong thing? Are you afraid
they may try to come onto you? That you may catch them makin' out?
Just because they are gay does not mean you should treat them any
differently than any other couple you could have moved in with. There
is, however, one important consideration you should keep in mind:
That being your dates. You will find there may be two or three kinds
of men: 1) Those who are not bothered and couldn't care less about
the sexual nature of your roommates, 2) Those who will be very
homophobic to the point where they could pose a problem for you or
your roomies, and 3) Those obsessed with getting one or both of your
roomies in bed because they think that we (lesbians) are a turn-on
for straight guys. My sister is very clear to all the guys who show
an interest in her that she has a gay sister and that if they have a
problem with it, they can get lost. Some have walked, but they were
not worth her time, anyway. Also, keep in mind that if your boyfriend
does become obsessed with the sexual nature of your roomies, it is
not your roomies fault. I'm not saying you would, but some girls feel
it is the fault of the gay person rather than the stright dude who is
obsessed. If a problem should arise, just deal with it as you would
with any other coupled roomies. And you are right in not telling your
parents. It is none of their business, and it is not your place to
out your roommates to them. Good luck and relax. Just have fun, study
hard ... and get good grades!
POSTED OCT. 20, 1998
Garet, 27, gay woman, St.Petersburg, FL
To
respond
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TOP
THE QUESTION:
R502: Is it possible that
disproportionately high rates of violence in African-American
communities - that is, after poverty has been figured out - result
partly from a greater tendency among black parents to use corporal
punishment?
POSTED OCT. 30, 1998
M.W., white <ed375@cleveland.freenet.edu>, Cleveland, OH
To
respond
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TOP
THE QUESTION:
R349: I've noticed that Korean
females tend to snort instead of blow their noses, even at
restaurants. Has anyone else noticed this, and if so, why is
this?
POSTED JUNE 18, 1998
Neko, European male
ANSWER 1:
I seem to remember an episode
of Seinfeld in which George's father could've married a
Korean woman, but refused to take off his shoes when entering the
would-be father-in-law's house because he had bad foot odor. This
started a big fight, and the two broke up.
The snorting is more a cultural
difference than anything. In the past, politeness was one of the big
things that sustained Koreans' identities. In front of someone,
especially old people, one couldn't blow his nose. It was taken to be
impolite behavior or even an insult because the person could just go
some other place and blow. Blowing one's nose was thought to be a
controllable thing. Snorting, on the other hand, was acceptable if it
didn't make a considerable noise. The foot odor is a different story.
Foot odor was taken to be an uncontrollable thing. To Koreans, having
bad foot odor isn't a big deal. If you're invited to a Korean
family's home and you have bad odor, you just tell the host you want
to wash your feet. It is not an awkward thing in Korea. In fact, the
host might give you a pair of new socks if she/he senses odor.
Anyway, if you're seeing a Korean
girl acting like that (snorting), you are lucky, because I think
Koreans are getting more impolite every day from learning American
cultural practices - though a few well-bred girls do still do things
like that (snorting). P.S. I'm sorry if I'm exaggerating things.
POSTED OCT. 30, 1998
Sang P. <parksa10@pilot.msu.edu>, East Lansing, MI
To
respond
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TOP
THE QUESTION:
R500: Why don't immigrants share
the same interest in learning English and American customs as their
fellow countrymen did when immigrating to the United States years
ago? Becoming "American" doesn't mean forgetting about your heritage,
but shouldn't it mean learning and participating in our culture,
learning our language and learning our value systems? Or do many
people now come here simply to work, with no intention of "becoming
American?"
POSTED OCT. 26, 1998
Robert A., gay male, Swedish ancestry, Houston, TX
ANSWER 1:
What do you mean by "American
customs?" When was English declared the official language of the
United States? I do know that in some parts of America (Puerto Rico),
Spanish is the official language, with English also taught. I am in
the military, and having lived all over the United States, I still
wonder what U.S. customs are. From New York to L.A. the language
(slang) changes, along with other behaviors. I was just an American
while living overseas. When I returned to the United States (to serve
in the military), I was told I was now a Puerto Rican. This by virtue
of the fact that that was where my grandfather was born! The only
American custom I can see is one of "Everyone must confrom to
my belief system and talk to me in the language I know!"
Many Americans take this attitude with them when they go to other
countries. This I have seen firsthand. As a U.S. citizen and member
of the nation's armed forces, I have to say that America is no longer
the "melting pot" people once fantasized about. We are a salad bowl,
and with each unique part we grow better. No one has to lose their
identity to be a part of this nation. You state that you are gay. I
have heard many people state that gays should change their
"preference" to fit in. Can you change who you are just because
others disagree with what you are?
POSTED OCT. 29, 1998
Frank, 31, white Anglo-Hispanic Pagan <gonzalez1@hauns.com>, Alamogordo, NM
FURTHER NOTICE:
When you say that previous
immigrants were eager to learn to be American, you are making a very
unfounded assumption.
Wisconsin had huge German-speaking
communities well into this century - until the time of World War I,
when they were compelled by increasing discrimination and federal
interference to become "Real Americans." (The government threatened
to withdraw all funding from any school that taught in German - sound
familiar?)
This country was always divided into
communities of Polish, Italians, Belgians, Chinese, etc., who lived
near each other to be in a linguistically and culturally familiar
area - until vandalism, violence and threats from "Real Americans"
forced them to conform. In the past, as in the present, people like
the Cajuns and Native Americans have been attacked, beaten, regulated
and even killed for not speaking English or not being "Real
Americans." In my opinion, it's a holdover from the English heritage
of our early government - the reason Gaelic is a dead language is
that when the English took over Ireland, they forced the Irish to
speak English only.
The only immigrants I've met or heard
of who were actually enthusiastic about becoming more "American" are
children (who want to be like their peers more than anything else)
and refugees from oppressive regimes, who lived in enough insecurity,
poverty, and danger that America really seems like a land of freedom
and plenty.
POSTED OCT. 29, 1998
Colette <inkwolf@earthlink.net>, Seymour, WI
To
respond
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TOP
THE QUESTION:
D29: I have a friend who is
very obese and getting larger every year. We're worried he's going to
go the way of the late John Candy. He's only 26. How do we approach
him about our concerns and fears without offending him? I used to be
overweight myself, and the last thing I needed was someone telling me
so because I knew it already. None of us want him to die or even come
close to it.
POSTED OCT. 28, 1998
Worried, Detroit, MI
To
respond
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THE QUESTION:
SO46: I have a friend who says
only a lesbian can be a true feminist. Another says it is impossible
for a man to be a feminist. Does anyone have an opinion on this?
POSTED JUNE 15, 1998
Hilary, 20, white <hwisler@eagle.cc.ukans.edu>, Lawrence, KS
ANSWER 1:
It's sometimes true that
minority groups come to view alienation from others as a sign of
status. Eventually they feel their alienation is a measure of their
uniqueness and self-worth, so they try to maintain it by
differentiating into splinter groups. Sometimes these groups are
valuable and productive, sometimes they aren't. The problem comes if
they try to co-opt a larger movement for themselves, instead of
creating their own movement. It is one thing to say "only a lesbian
can be a lesbian feminist" and something else to say "only lesbians
can be feminists." It's like saying that only Baptists can really be
Christian. Don't waste your time with these people - they aren't
really interested in changing the world. They get their kicks out of
trying to put you down and feeling like the "select few" who truly
understand the world. They are worse than the most cliquey sororities
(and have much worse parties).
POSTED JULY 17, 1998
Will H. <whuer@hotmail.com>, New York , NY
FURTHER NOTICE:
I get very angry with people
who try to say "You must/must not do XXX in order to be a
real feminist." There is a branch of feminism that advocates
that women give up heterosexual relationshps, based on the belief
that the power differences between men and women are so great they
can never be adequately resolved, but in my experience, this kind of
feminism is limited in its number of followers and isn't a very
realistic view of the world. I believe men and women of all
orientations can believe in equality for the sexes, the special
virtues and value of each sex, the importance of "women's issues"
like child care and reproductive needs, and most imporantly, in the
ability and right of individuals to transgress the artificial
boundaries that tell us "men/boys do this and
women/girls do
that."
POSTED SEPT. 1, 1998
S. Addison, 24, bisexual female, <elusis@dreamscape.com>, Syracuse, NY
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I once referred to myself as
a feminist and was told (by lesbian friends) that I could not be. I
have accepted that. I think one cannot really, truly, deeply (pop
references aside) understand a woman's experience without having been
one. Because our society in many ways continues to be organized on a
patriarchal/hierarchical system, it's difficult to repudiate this
inequity while still living within its system. Thus the supposed
existence of "political lesbians." In brief, I've come to think that
I'm a feminist sympathizer, for lack of a better term. And I think
that most can appreciate that. Gays and lesbians should permit
straights to be our allies, and lesbian feminists to allow men to be
their allies. One cannot have lived the same experience as another,
but we are philisophically capable of coming to different degrees of
understanding of one another.
POSTED SEPT. 24, 1998
Jeff, 26, gay white male <jleppard@hotmail.com>, Bangkok, Thailand
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
We need all the feminists we
can get! I would not exclude anyone. I am particularly encouraged
when I meet men who are feminists. This helps nullify the negative
stereotypes about feminists, and it helps me feel better about the
world we live in. Thank you to all men who support women's rights.
Feminism would never be successful if it were supported by one small
sub-group.
POSTED SEPT. 30, 1998
Jessica N., 26, bisexual female <jessica@pioneeris.net>, NY
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
My dictionary says feminism
means "the movement to win political, economic and social equality
for women" and that a feminist is someone who practices feminism. As
far as I can see, we can use all the feminists we can draft - male,
straight, or whatever.
POSTED OCT. 5, 1998
Athena W., 47, bisexual female, Houston , TX
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Lots of people seem to think
feminism has to do how men and women relate. I think this is quite
wrong. I believe feminism is a political theory based on analysis of
power relationships between people/groups of people. Coincidentally,
men have and have traditionally been the holders of the power in many
cultures, and therefore this system of political analysis is labeled
"feminist." I would say that because of their focus on issues of
power imbalances, many minority-equality political movements of this
century should be labeled feminist in nature because of this basis of
analysis, including the black equality movement, gay equality
movement, women's equality movement, the trade union movement, etc.
Anyone can be a feminist.
POSTED OCT. 28, 1998
Alan B., gay male <awb@writeme.com>, Vancouver, BC, Canada
To
respond
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TOP
THE QUESTION:
R395: Why is it that everything
from European culture (i.e. folklore, history, literature, language)
seems to be considered fair game for any American who wants to create
their own version of it, while Americans insist that cultures of
other groups be protected and kept exclusive? I'm talking about
things like the recent movies The Three Musketeers, The Hunchback
of Notre Dame and
The Man in the Iron
Mask, all made with no regard
for the original literature, true history or original
culture; Doctor
Doolittle made with
Eddie Murphy; and versions of European folk stories and legends
filmed or illustrated with multi-cultural characters, etc.
POSTED AUG. 5, 1998
Colette <inkwolf@earthlink.net>, Seymour, WI
ANSWER 1:
Just an inquiry: Were you
aware that The Three
Musketeers and
The Man in the Iron
Mask were both written by
Alexander Dumas, a black man?
POSTED SEPT. 4, 1998
Black female, Los Angles, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
I had no idea Dumas was
black. Thanks for the info ... but he was still part of European
culture in any case (African-French?), and his work is considered
French literature. I am surprised to learn he's black, though, since
I read his book Adventures
with my Animals, in which he
included his black servants along with the cats and dogs. Anyway,
this wasn't meant to be a question about race (it's probably safe to
say these movies and books are made mainly by whites), but about
culture, and why some seem protected while others are regularly
ripped-off. For example, would anyone publish a book of Native
American legends and feel they had to illustrate it with Europeans
and Africans included? Why is that idea any more ridiculous than the
idea of giving Robin Hood a multicultural band?
POSTED SEPT. 9, 1998
Colette <inkwolf@earthlink.net>, Seymour, WI
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
To Black female: Where did
you get the idea that Alexandre Dumas was black? I'm French and have
studied French literature, and my mother is a French professor. I can
guarantee you that Alexandre Dumas was not black. Besides, it does
not answer Collette's question. I think that Americans do this
because as America is still a new country by European standards, it
has not had time to produce enough cultural material of its own, so
it tries to make some by importing raw material and adapting it to
U.S. standards to satisfy the needs of its inhabitants. Thus the
transformation of bad endings to happy endings and inserting
multicultural differences to be politically correct and not hurt any
feelings. I must point out that we Europeans smile at the attempts
made by Americans to remake original European cultural creations. We
feel Americans try to simplify everything and make everything seem
shallow and commercial, and that in America, everything has a price
tag on it - even culture.
POSTED OCT. 24, 1998
Zobe La Mouche, 25, Paris, France
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Zobe's reaction to the idea
of Alexander Dumas being black inspired me to go have a look. Check
out this site for confirmation: http://www.africaonline.co.zw/AfricaOnline/kidsonly/people/index.html. (DIRECTOR'S NOTE: This page states that
Alexander Dumas was black; another link addressing this subject can
be found at http://www.cadytech.com/dumas.)
Zobe, try to be more open to new
knowledge. That is the spirit of Y? Forum. Just because you didn't
already know it doesn't mean something is not true.
POSTED OCT. 26, 1998
Iteki, 22, Irish lesbian <iteki@chickmail.com>, Stockholm, Sweden
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
To Zobe: I checked it out
before I responded, and Dumas had a grandmother who was black. Here
in the United States, there's apparently something called the
"one-drop rule," which dictates that anybody with a black ancestor is
also black. To be honest, I have never heard of this rule except from
black people. By this rule we are all probably black, so why should
we even bother trying to label people by race?
POSTED OCT. 28, 1998
Colette, <inkwolf@earthlink.net>, Seymour, WI
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
As a French citizen I am
actually proud
that a French person (as most
European people) did not know Alexander Dumas had a black grandmother
(what about the other three-quarters?). I think it could prove that
French people are less racist - or at least less race-concerned -
than U.S. citizens. I thought the value of a person and of his or her
deeds did not depend on his or her ancestry.
POSTED OCT. 28, 1998
French republican, 60 <fdondon@club-internet.fr>, Paris, France
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
Just a point of
clarification: Dumas was the son of a Frenchman and a former African
slave. For more information, click on http://24.1.81.71/dumas/biographie.asp.
Zobe's guarantee that Dumas wasn't
black and his question of "Where did you get the idea..." is
indicative of a serious problem in this country (by the vehemence of
his answer I would say it's a French problem, too): Namely,
contributions by minorities are constantly overlooked or diminished
by the majority.
POSTED OCT. 28, 1998
Tony <tonyway@yahoo.com>, San Francisco, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
Dumas had a black grandmother
(Marie-Céssette Dumas, a slave from the West Indies) and a
white grandfather (Marquis Antoine-Alexandre Davy de la Pailleterie).
Other interesting notes: In his time, Dumas was more famous for his
plays than his novels; his father rose to the rank of general under
Napoleon; his son wrote several novels including La Dame aux Camélias, the basis of Verdi's opera La Traviata. Relating (somewhat) back to the original question,
Dumas wrote many historically based novels, but was not above
changing things to make a good story. He did not, however, claim them
as historically accurate.
POSTED OCT. 28, 1998
Gene <geneand@ix.netcom.com>, Oakland, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
There were of course two
Dumases, father and son, both writers. Dumas senior had one black
grandmother, and so junior had one black great-grandmother. Maybe a
separate question needs to be asked: What percentage of a race,
whatever race it may be, must a person have to be considered "of"
that race? This is something I've never really understood. Maybe
someone can clarify it here. I know that in some Asian countries,
being a quarter Caucasian counts a person as "white." Of course, none
of this explains why Robin Hood's band of 13th Century Merrie
(English) Men should be "multicultural," which was the original
question, wasn't it?
POSTED OCT. 28, 1998
Steve H, 49, European mix, Redondo Beach, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 9:
White American popular
culture comes from so many different countries that we don't know
what's what anymore. Most people don't speak up enough when culture
gets trashed. Look at Disney - their "Hercules" was a complete
butchering of the Greek myths, but very few people spoke up. The
general population accepts such garbage because they either are not
aware of the original source material or don't care. If minority
citizens and groups speak up for their heritage and culture, they
should be applauded for fighting to keep the integrity of their arts.
Let's see more white people speak up for the heritages and cultures
of the countries they and their ancestors are from.
POSTED OCT. 28, 1998
Alan N. <chowfoon@iname.com>, Boston, MA
FURTHER NOTICE 10:
I find myself scratching my
head, not knowing who to agree with, or how. But I will say this:
Zobe, despite her anti-American cheap shots, is onto something.
America is a nation of many disparate cultures and cultural
influences, as it has been since its infancy. Because of this,
America may never have been able to make a serious claim to having a
monolithic, primary culture, as Zobe seems to imply that France has.
Both our language and popular culture are so rife with cultural
mixture that almost anything produced to appeal to the masses will
reflect this inherent diversity. While the dark side of America's
brief history (and present) is colored with hatred and intolerance,
the beauty of our diversity is undeniable. In fact, many Europeans
clamor for the simplified cultural knock-offs we produce. And, before
you attempt to deny that Zobe, I've got two words for you: Jerry
Lewis.
POSTED OCT. 28, 1998
Sam; 30, male, brown American <SamAlex67@aol.com>, Chicago, IL
To
respond
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TOP
THE QUESTION:
R494: I would like to know
people's perceptions about why Asian men in general, and Chinese men
in particular, are seen as unattractive as mates.
POSTED OCT. 20, 1998
Joe C., Chinese, Fremont, CA
ANSWER 1:
I have to disagree with you.
I have never thought Asian men were unattractive. I guess the only
problem for me is that I am very tall and have a large build, and I
haven't met many Asian people in my life that match my build.
POSTED OCT. 26, 1998
Anonymous, female, London, England
To
respond
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TOP
THE QUESTION:
GE87: Why aren't men more
emotional, and why don't they let their hearts rule their minds?
POSTED OCT. 26, 1998
Kavita, female <snowyt@hotmail.com>, Delhi, India
ANSWER 1:
Since I was a little boy, I
was told to buck-up, not cry, etc. Emotions were for girls. Boys were
to remain calm and strong. And not to put too fine a point on it, but
"only weak men (read gay) have emotional responses." It has to do
with this "machismo" crap. I find it funny that women complain that
they make only 60 to 70 cents to a man's $1 for wages, yet men don't
complain that they are denied something much more basic than money in
this lifetime: Their emotions. So to set the record straight, woman
are not the only people who have a burden against them from birth.
For too long, men have been shaped into something far less than their
potential.
POSTED OCT. 28, 1998
Matthew, white, 40ish, New York, NY
To
respond
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TOP
THE QUESTION:
R499: In a recent Philadelphia
case, a white woman was sentenced to five years in jail for
"alerting" her white neighbors that a black family was moving in. She
did not participate in vandalism or violence against them, yet she
received a more severe sentence than some of those who did. Do you
agree with the judge? Why or why not?
POSTED OCT. 23, 1998
Linda F., 47, white female, Bristol PA
ANSWER 1:
I'd like to know more about
the facts of the case. Did she incite or encourage others to do this
vandalism or violence? If so, she's criminally liable. Charles Manson
never lifted a finger against the people he was convicted of killing,
but he gave the order.
POSTED OCT. 26 1998
Andrew, 34, white <ziptron@xoommail>, Huntington, NY
FURTHER NOTICE:
Without knowing more of the
details of the case, it's hard to say. If she "alerted" her neighbors
so that they could plan how to get them out, harrass or threaten, or
even "keep an eye on them," she is guilty of conspiring to commit
hate crimes. If she was just complaining in a bigoted way, she is an
immoral racist, but she should not go to jail.
POSTED OCT. 26 1998
A.C.C., Mexican and American Indian, San Antonio, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I'm certain this same white
woman wouldn't feel the need to "alert" her neighbors when a white
family was moving in the building. Other than being a racist, why
would anyone feel the need to do such a thing? So yes, I agree with
the judge wholeheartedly because racism has to stop and somebody has
to be made an example.
POSTED OCT. 26 1998
Janet, African-American female, 33 <jbutler@commoncause.com>, Capitol Heights, Md
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
No, I do not agree with the
sentence. The First Amendment of our Constitution protects our right
to free speech. If all the woman did was mention to her neighbors
that the new people moving in were of a different race, that seems
pretty harmless to me. Just about anyone (of any race) would have
mentioned this in casual conversation if the subject came up. Even if
her intentions were not innocent, I do not think the penalty for her
actions should have been more harsh than for someone who vandalized
or physically injured someone. The prisons are already crowded enough
with hardened criminals. I worked in a prison, so I know.
POSTED OCT. 26 1998
Michell, 31, Panama City, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Unless one knew all the
facts, it would be foolish to voice an opinion on the judge's ruling.
However, language is a funny thing, and what you call "alerting"
might be termed "inciting to riot" by someone with a different point
of view. Personally, after having moved into an all-white
neighborhood and experiencing the hatred my children had to endure
from some of our bigoted neighbors, I find it hard to sympathize with
vandals, "alerters" or racists of any stripe.
POSTED OCT. 26 1998
S.F., black male <sfinley@wans.net>, Naperville, IL
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I guess I'd have to know a
little more about the case, but from what you've said I would
definitely appeal the case. As far as I know, the First Amendment
still protects free speech, and if it can be used to defend the KKK
and the Nation of Islam, then I don't see why it wouldn't apply here.
I would guess this was a case in whichi justice was swayed by
political action groups. Either way, five years is a long time for
that when a lot of murderers get only 15 to 20.
POSTED OCT. 26 1998
B., 23, straight white male, Kokomo, IN
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
No, I do not agree. You
cannot punish somebody for their personal feelings or prejudices.
However, once those feelings lead to actions, then there is a basis
for punishment. If the woman did nothing more than speak her mind,
then how can she be punished for it? From your description, she did
not provoke violence, so I would have to assume she did not incite a
riot. If the community did not agree with her words (and I would hope
that they would not agree), then they could have easily ignored
them.
POSTED OCT. 26 1998
John K., straight Irish-American male, 25 <the-macs@geocities.com>, Cranford, NJ
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I agree with the judge,
because she fueled the hysteria.
POSTED OCT. 26 1998
A.A.W., 42, black female <ANABWI@aol.com>, Plantation, FL
THE QUESTION:
G33: Why do Americans cut their
food, then put down the knife and put the fork in their right hand?
Are we the only ones who eat like this? Why don't we eat like the
Europeans?
POSTED SEPT. 29, 1998
N. Baugh, Temecula, Ca.
ANSWER 1:
I'm Canadian and eat like
that, too (cut up the food with the knife, then put it down to use
the fork with my right). I think it's just what one's comfortable
with.
POSTED OCT. 26, 1998
C.C. <petitecosette@yahoo.com>, Kingston, Ontario, Canada
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THE QUESTION:
A31: What do you do if you're a
kid and have no money?
POSTED OCT. 23, 1998
Josh, 11, Gainesville, MO
ANSWER 1:
Well Josh, that would depend
on what you need money for. One would assume that an 11-year-old
would not need money for groceries, bills, house payment, rent, car
payment, etc. So I would suggest you ask your parents for money in
exchange for doing something around the house that would exceed the
normal chores an 11-year-old would do for an allowance. Maybe ask the
neighbors for some job you could do for pay. Wash the car, paint the
fence, walk the dog.
POSTED OCT. 26, 1998
J.P., 36, still needing money at my age, NC
FURTHER NOTICE:
Get a job. Deliver newspapers
on your bike. Mow your neighbor's lawn. Save your allowance. Stay in
school.
POSTED OCT. 26, 1998
Mark K., San Francisco Bay Area, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Most kids don't have money. I
guess if I were in your shoes (again,) I'd remind myself that most of
what I truly need - and many of the things I want - don't cost
anything or don't cost much, and I'd set priorities. And I wouldn't
worry about what kids who do have money think. You don't value a
person by their possessions.
POSTED OCT. 26, 1998
Andrew, 34 <ziptron@xoommail.com>, Huntington, NY
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Well, there seem to be two
options: One, you can come up with things to do that don't require
any money, and two, you can come up with ways to make money. I spent
much of my formative years at the library, and the time served me
well and didn't cost me a thing. Time I spent in parks, hanging out
with friends and such was for the most part similarly cheap. For the
second option, when I was your age, I was well on my way as a
babysitter. Yard work services are another easy place to start a
source of income for younger people. Use your imagination, and then
do your best to present yourself to potential customers in a
professional and well-organized manner. Hand out flyers explaining
your services, that sort of thing.
POSTED OCT. 26, 1998
Catherine, 25, computer chick <tylik@eskimo.com>, Woodinville, WA
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
There are plenty of things
you can do to earn more money, even if you are 11. My own children
earn extra money by doing odd jobs for me around the house; not their
usual chores, but special jobs such as organizing a closet or
cleaning out the basement. If you don't have this option (perhaps
your parents can't afford to pay you), I am sure there are other
people in the neighborhood whom you could approach. In this day and
age, people work outside of the home, and many times all those little
odds and ends around the house don't seem to get done. They would
probably be delighted to pay someone like you to rake their leaves or
clean their garages. Good luck!
POSTED OCT. 26, 1998
Laura, 37, white female, Baltimore , MD
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
You don't specify exactly
what you mean. Do you mean "How can I get some money?" or "What can I
do for fun without any money?"
There are very few ways for an
11-year-old to get money, and most of them involve living in a safe
neighborhood. Some newspapers might be willing to hire you as a
carrier. Try the once-a-week advertising papers. If you are in the
suburbs, you can offer to do yardwork for neighbors for money, such
as raking leaves or mowing lawns. You can ask your parents for extra
jobs for which you could be paid.
If you mean what to do without money,
there are plenty of activities that could lead to a more interesting
life - and possibly even a career - which require only lots of
practice. Like sports, drawing, singing, writing stories, learning to
play an instrument (harmonicas are fairly cheap), juggling, doing
magic tricks, baking (clean up after yourself or they'll never let
you do it again), acting, doing stand-up comedy routines for your
friends or family... For most of these activities, the only
instructions you need can be found in books at your local
library.
POSTED OCT. 26, 1998
Colette, former kid with no money <inkwolf@earthlink.net>, Seymour, WI
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
Since you are only 11, you
really can't go apply for a job at a business. But if you live in a
safe neighborhood and you know your neighbors, you could do odd jobs
for them like mow their lawn, rake leaves, take out garbage or shovel
snow. Also, ask your parents about getting a weekly allowance for
doing chores
POSTED OCT. 26, 1998
Sam, 20 <SMF78@hotmail.com>, Redford, MI
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THE QUESTION:
R450: For the past 12 years, we
have lived in a middle-class neighborhood. Demographics: 80 percent
black, 10 percent white, 10 percent other (Hispanic, Filipino,
Asian). The new high school near our neighborhood is 65 percent
black, with a majority of black teachers. When the time came for the
prom this year, the music committee (all black students) submitted a
list of 100 percent rap music. No allowance was made for the
"country" or "techno" or "rock and roll" enthusiasts in the student
body. The reaction from the committee was: "Why should we include
that other music? We're the majority." My question: Is equality and
tolerance being perceived by our children as a one-way street?
POSTED SEPT. 7, 1998
Jackie I., 46, white mom <hockeyrat@hotmail.com>, West Palm Beach, FL
ANSWER 1:
I believe my white daugher,
who attends a school with a 60 percent black, 10 percent Asian and 10
percent Hispanic population, and her friends (of all races) are made
to feel by some school mates and teachers that because the black
culture has been held back for so long in the mass-culture, that now
is the time to let it be at the forefront - to the point of excluding
all others. My daughter and her friends do not attend dances,
basketball games or participate in yearbook or student council
because these activities, meant to be all-inclusive, have become
solely African American. She and her friends have been told that
"they don't need to participate," and that regarding dances, the
music to be played is going to be rap and R & B and that is that!
We live in an urban setting, and my daughter attends a school with a
diverse student body because we have chosen this, but the pendulum
has swung too far to the other side, and the white, Hispanic and
Asian students are often treated unfairly.
POSTED SEPT. 10, 1998
White female, 40, Milwaukee, WI
FURTHER NOTICE:
I believe these other
(non-black) students have been discriminated against. It is not fair
for the committee to not make musical allowances for other
ethnicities. I don't believe we youth, as a whole, see tolerance as a
one-way street. I think this is a case of people (the all-black
committee) abusing their power.
POSTED SEPT. 10, 1998
Whitney T., 19, black female <wkthomps@olemiss.edu>, Oxford, MS
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I've always thought of modern
R&B and hip-hop as "urban" music, not "black" music. Though the
artists are generally black, I think it is more accurate to say that
the audience is generally urba - and even that's a stretch. I grew up
in an upper-middle class neighborhood, and I was one of the only kids
not listening to these types of music. Being black, everyone thought I was strange. So be sure to ask yourself: Is
it the entire non-black population that has a problem with the
musical selection?
POSTED OCT. 26, 1998
M.B., 19, black female <modAgogo@yahoo.com>, Chicago, IL
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