Best of the Week
of Nov. 25, 2001
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Nov. 25, 2001, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing
Y?'s database using the search form, or, in
the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in the
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the new database as
well). In the Original Archives and the new database, you will find
questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer any questions
relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask any
provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily
meant to represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can
provide a window into the insights of an individual from that
group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at Y?'s
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
The book
on Y? is here!
"Why Do White People Smell Like Wet
Dogs
When They Come Out Of The Rain?"
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Delivery in 2-3 days via Priority Mail
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Associated Press story on "Wet Dogs"
Question:
This is for any American: I'm a Mexican living in Mexico City.
Two weeks ago I had a business meeting in Atlanta. This trip turned
out to be the most traumatic experience of my life. I was walking in
a mall when a group of men mistook me for an Arab. They started to
yell and abuse me in the most profane language they knew. I just
walked away without responding. I never expected this of the American
people. I've been thinking about this a lot after my return home. Is
American society just flat ignorant or racist? Can anyone enlighten
me?
POSTED 11/30/2001
Omar G., Mexico City, NA, Mexico, Male, Catholic,
Hispanic/Latino, Over 4 Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID
1129200125558
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Question:
To African Americans and Asians: What comes into your mind when
you think of the physical characteristics of white people?
POSTED 11/27/2001
Bobby, Portland, OR, United States, Male, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Upper class, Mesg ID
1124200130049
Responses:
Just off the top of my head, without trying to be PC
all-inclusive: Varying hair colors and textures from white to black,
stick-straight and fine to curly and coarse; varying eye colors from
blue to black; red-faced when angry, embarrassed or after exertion;
flatter bottom, no matter what their weight; men hairier than black
men or Asians, i.e. fingers and toes, chests, legs, backs; and lots
of people with very small lips.
POSTED 11/30/2001
Jennifer, St. Paul, MN, United States, 31, Female, Christian,
Black/African American, Straight, Non-Profit, 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 1128200192233
Fair skin. That's it, really. I have a lot of friends of varying
ethnic backgrounds, and come to think of it, my closest white friends
are actually blond. But no, it's not hair color that comes to mind,
just fair skin. And I know that's not a characteristic typical of all
whites, but it answers your question, I hope.
POSTED 11/30/2001
Sarah C., San Francisco, CA, United States, 24, Female, Agnostic,
Asian, student/retail/illustration, 4 Years of College, Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 11282001115145
To me, most white people considered beautiful by white standards
are just ... nasty. Their butt is way too flat (I am not an advocate
of a big booty, but a little flesh wouldn't hurt). The body is almost
waif-like. The ones I consider beautiful are a little more curvy and
woman-like.
POSTED 11/30/2001
Jasper, Dallas, TX, United States, 28, Male, Mesg ID 1129200182319
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Question:
OK fellas, fess-up: Why do some men feel the need to lie or
tell half-truths? Do you males understand that a lie, once it is
identified, can cause severe damage to a relationship? Once a woman
no longer trusts you, it's only a matter of time before she's
gone.
POSTED 11/21/2001
Julie, Woodbridge, VA, United States, Female, Black/African
American, Straight, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
1120200142159
Responses:
Men lie for the same reasons women lie. Why would you think
otherwise?
POSTED 11/21/2001
Rick, Springfield, OH, United States, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 1121200165911
I find your question peculiar. It is not males only who lie in
relationships; I think we all do. 'Oh yes, you look good.' 'No, I
don't mind that you forgot.' 'We are just good friends, really.'
'Yeah, sure you can go out. Don't mind me.' 'No I wasn't waiting.'
The reason for all of the above, for all those lies and half-lies, is
that none of us wants to hurt our loved ones. And all of us want
desperately to be loved. So we pretend we're more understanding than
we are, more loyal than we are, more caring, more perfect. You see,
once a man no longer trusts you, it's only a matter of time before
he's gone, too.
POSTED 11/27/2001
T., Munich, NA, Germany, 32, Female, Atheist, Straight, Over 4
Years of College, Mesg ID 1124200180948
We lie to either get sex or power tools. With girlfriends or
potential girlfriends, its all angled at the 'prize,' so to speak. It
would be nice if women fell into bed with only the truth, but if we
have to lie to get someone to give it up, so be it. Women fall for
the lies at a high-enough frequency to make it a pretty good
risk/reward payout. If your little lies get found out and the
relationship is damaged and she walks, well, you still got most of
what you wanted.
With wives, we lie to avoid endless pestering. So let's see: I
could either beg my wife to 'allow' me to buy that $250 router I've
had my eye on at Lowes, or I can just go buy the damn thing and
figure she won't see it among all the other thousands of tools I
already have in my woodshop. Either way is a hassle, but at least
with the second I have the router.
POSTED 11/27/2001
Steve, Houston, TX, United States, 45, Male, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Corporate Slug - No Lie, Over 4 Years of College, Upper
class, Mesg ID 11262001111602
In regard to 'white lies': I meant to call but I didn't have my
phone with me, I can't come to your mother's this weekend because the
boss has me working on a special project, I LOVED that movie... These
are things we say that range from exxageration to outright lying. I
use white lies with women for the same reason I (and most people,
including women) use them in everyday life: they don't harm anyone
significantly and they make life easier.
Big lies, on the other hand, I never tell. If there's something so
important that I would jeopardize my relationship with someone, my
view is that she deserves to hear the reason. However, many men feel
big lies are justified in special cases: if the subject being lied
about was an accident and will not be repeated (i.e. cheating on
someone while drunk), if what happened would be misinterpreted, etc.
POSTED 11/30/2001
Alex, Beloit, WI, United States, <first_wizard@hotmail.com>,
18, Male, Jewish, White/Caucasian, Bisexual, student, High School
Diploma, Middle class, Mesg ID 11232001111854
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Question:
To women: Do you always wear undergarments under your clothes?
Also, do you remove all your clothing before having sex?
POSTED 11/19/2001
Rosa C., Middletown, CT, United States,
<amoswindward2001@yahoo.com>, 40, Female, Catholic, Puerto
Rican, Straight, student/mom, Less than High School Diploma, Middle
class, Mesg ID 1119200184310
Responses:
Hey, you know me! I was in your comp lit class. To answer your
question: No, not all women wear drawers. I don't. Also, if I'm in
the full-fledged act of 'sex,' I'm naked. But if I'm just being
sexual and sensual, no.
POSTED 11/28/2001
LILA the LEOPARD, Portland, CT, ,
<rainbowbright69@planetout.com>, 18, Female, spiritual, mixed
race, Lesbian, student, Less than High School Diploma, Middle class,
Mesg ID 1121200170348
I cannot speak for all women, but in my case, I do wear
undergarments under my clothes. They may vary from basic comfortable
cotton to the sexy Victoria's Secret. As far as removing all clothes
before sex, it depends. Ssometimes the mystery of wearing a sexy
something is more exciting than ripping everything off at once and
getting down to business. Sex should be crazy, fun, romantic and
sensual - never boring, mundane or routine. There's always room for
spice!
POSTED 11/28/2001
Anonymous, Jacksonville, FL, United Kingdom, 26, Female, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, technical, 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 1121200182357
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Question:
Has anyone ever cut themself before? And why? I have, because
my mum accused me of stealing money from her.
POSTED 11/27/2001
Lou, From a place that I'm not tellin', NA, United Kingdom, 13,
Female, White/Caucasian, Straight, Less than High School Diploma,
Mesg ID 1124200135258
Responses:
I have not, but I don't think this behavior is unusual. I once
had a discussion with a woman who used to slash her forearms. I think
in the past during periods of stress I could sometimes carry out
extremely mild forms of self-harm, e.g. driving my fingernails into
my forehead so that it left marks. I think you need help. You should
contact Childline by telephoning 0800 1111 (it's a free call) or 0800
400222 (2 p.m. - 9 p.m. only) or write to them at Freepost 1111,
London N1 (you don't need a stamp) or speak to your doctor, or a
teacher.
POSTED 11/28/2001
Campbell M., Glasgow, NA, United Kingdom,
<campannexe@yahoo.co.uk>, 41, Male, Atheist, White/Caucasian,
Straight, asperger's syndrome, computer programmer, 4 Years of
College, Mesg ID 1128200111420
About a year ago I began cutting myself on the palm of my hand. I
did so for several reasons, the most basic being to prove to myself
that I could withstand physical pain so the emotional pain I was in
wouldn't matter. After several months of psychiatric treatment I'm
all right, but I know a lot people who aren't. If you continue
cutting yourself, I cannot urge you enough to see a doctor, or if I
can't persuade you of that, at least talk to someone you trust.
POSTED 11/30/2001
Alex, Beloit, WI, United States, <first_wizard@hotmail.com>,
18, Male, Jewish, White/Caucasian, Bisexual, Student, High School
Diploma, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 1130200123728
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Question:
I am well aware of the sticker culture among
gay/lesbian/whomever (i.e.: Rainbow for gay/lesbian, earth tones for
bears, and black/blue with a red heart for SM/leather peeps). Here is
my question: The one thing that constantly puzzles me is when people
affix their badge of pride to their personal mode of transportation
either upside-down or backward (i.e.: instead of red, orange, yellow,
green, blue, and violet from top to bottom or left to right, some
place them in the opposite order). Why is this? On a side note:
Although I am proud to be gay, I am not one who would purposefully
affix a target to my vehicle for vandalization. And while it is
somewhat a game we play when on a road trip to say, hey there is a
friend of Dorothy and pass them just to see if they are cute, I am
not necessarily keen on advertising to strangers about my personal
life, just as I would want the same from others.
POSTED 11/16/2001
Kinsey, San Francisco, CA, United States, 26, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Gay, Business Consultant, Over 4 Years of College,
Upper middle class, Mesg ID 1132001120419
Responses:
To answer your first question: I don't think there's any
conscious decision to display the rainbow bumper sticker upside down;
I just think there are some gay people who aren't aware that the red
stripe is supposed to be at the top (just like the color red would be
at the top of a naturally occurring rainbow). And the rainbow bumper
sticker I have on my car didn't come with instructions reading 'This
Side Up.' As for this issue of 'advertising' one's sexual
orientation, I think for most Gay people it's simply a matter of
visibility. The more often that simple rainbow is displayed on cars,
the more often Straight people find out what it stands for (Gay
Pride), and the more Straight people realize that there are more of
us than they previously thought. And when I see another car with a
rainbow flag displayed, I'm not concerned about whether the driver is
cute, but I am more likely to give them a friendly wave as an
expression of recognition and solidarity. I also would dispute the
notion that having a rainbow flag on your car makes it a target for
vandalism; I live in a socially-conservative state, and this has
never been an issue for me or any other Gay person I know. I've had
letters to the editor in support of Gay civil rights published in my
local newspaper, and I have yet to receive a single piece of hate
mail or a single nasty phone call. One final comment: You say, 'I am
not necessarily keen on advertising to strangers about my personal
life, just as I would want the same from others.' If a co-worker of
yours was married and kept photos of his wife and kids on his desk,
would you consider that 'advertising?' Would you be proud enough as a
Gay man to keep a photo of your spouse on your desk or walk
hand-in-hand with a boyfriend in public? Straight people do such
things all the time, and we never accuse them of being militant.
POSTED 11/28/2001
Chuck A., Spring Hill, WV, , <PolishBear@aol.com>, 42, Male,
Gay, AIDS Educator/Radio Announcer, Mesg ID 1119200154208
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Question:
I just started seeing a Japanese girl; we both like one another
and get along great. We've started fooling around recently, with
clothes on (rubbing, massaging, etc). But while she lets me rub her
sexually, she does not want me to kiss her, and I had heard from some
other friends (with no substantial proof) that to Japanese girls,
kissing is taboo and something you save for your definite loved one
or husband. Is this true ?
POSTED 10/29/2001
D.R., Vancouver, British Columbia, NA, Canada, 27, Male,
White/Caucasian, Mesg ID 1027200151401
Responses:
OK, this may not be the most accurate source, but I know in
Japanese porno you see lots of wet kisses as part of foreplay before
they get into it. And that includes their amateur porn, with women
who don't do this for a living.
POSTED 11/28/2001
Porn lover, BFE Egypt, ID, United States, 22, Male, Mesg ID
1121200195434
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