Best of the Week
of Dec. 12, 1999
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Dec. 12, 1999, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing our
new database using our search form, or, in
the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in our
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the new database as
well). In the Original Archives and the new database, you will find
questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. We encourage you to answer any questions relevant
to your demographic background, as well as to ask any provocative
question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily meant to
represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can provide a
window into the insights of an individual from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at our
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Order the
hilarious and heartwarming book on
Y?
"Why Do
White People
Smell Like Wet Dogs
When They Come
Out Of The Rain?"
2-3 days via Priority
Mail
ISBN: 0-9675971-0-2
Question:
My husband and I just found out that his son and daughter-in-law are
going to have a Down Syndrome child. As the very new step-mom, I do
not know what to say. The family is very sensitive and does not
communicate at all. I am extremely social with everyone but his
kids.
POSTED 12/16/1999
J. Smith, Fresno, CA, United States, Mesg ID 12141999101100
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
Why do whites take things in life so hard? I've worked in several
medical clinics. Most of them had African-American populations. Now
I'm working in a clinic with a majority white population. The
negative emotional responses I've seen whites give to illness is of a
higher degree than the black populations I've worked with. Nasty
things happen to people all the time. Why the problems with
coping?
POSTED 12/14/1999
Susan, Boston, MA, United States, 40, Female, Black/African American,
Mesg ID 12131999122420
Responses:
I realize that "black people don't care" is certainly not always
the case, but from a white person's point of view, that's what many
could, and probably do, think. I've worked in a clinical environment
in the past and found myself asking the question, Why don't any of
the black people working here care about these people? I've since
come to realize that it's just a different way of coping. We use
empathy, you use apathy. So, to answer your question, there is no
more or less problem coping. We just do it differently.
POSTED 12/15/1999
Nicholas F., Panorama City, CA, United States, 38, Male, Catholic,
Straight, Network Engineer, 2 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg
ID 1215199912030
I think a person's response to illness is probably related to
their connection to this life. Their connection might be reflective
of the type of life they have lived. If one's life has been
relatively easy, with friends, family, security, happiness, etc.,
then when confronted by a threat, one would be distraught. Whereas,
if one has experienced mostly pain, suffering and loss, then the
prospect of leaving this place might not be such a bad idea.
POSTED 12/15/1999
Matthew, New York, NY, United States, 41, Male, White/Caucasian, Gay,
Acting, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 1215199983948
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
Why are Americans obsessed with the class system? I thought they were
proud of their class-less society, as compared with other
countries.
POSTED 12/14/1999
D. Arnold, Taipei, NA, Taiwan, 37, Male, Atheist, White/Caucasian,
Straight, English teacher, 2 Years of College , Lower class, Mesg ID
12131999125835
Responses:
I have never heard that we have a "classless society" in the
United States. What I believe we do have is a society where it is
easier to move from class to class than it is in other societies. My
immigrant grandfather was a janitor. His children became salesmen or
small businessmen. His grandchildren are almost all college
graduates, with several members of the professions. There aren't too
many countries in the world where that can happen.
POSTED 12/15/1999
Pappa Jerry, Tampa, FL, United States, 66, Male, White/Caucasian,
Attorney, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
1215199995206
Most Americans have this huge bizarre amount of denial that there
even is a class system in the United States. Even your assumption
that there isn't much of a class system is part of that denial. Both
janitors and lawyers claim to be middle class when it should be
obvious neither of them are. The fact is, America is the most unequal
of the industrial nations in terms of income and class, as unequal as
most Third World countries. Salaries for CEOs are 300-400 times as
high as that of the average worker at the same company. Compare that
to Europe, where the ratio is only 150-200 times, or Japan, where
it's 50-60 times. There has been a class system and class warfare in
America from before its founding. The only difference between here
and Europe is that the average European knows it. In America, it's
mostly the wealthy and their stooges who know it.
POSTED 12/16/1999
A.C.C., West Lafayette, IN, United States, Mexican and American
Indian, Lower class, Mesg ID 12141999105801
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
Recently I've been questioning my sexuality and I was wondering if
someone could clarify for me how you know whether or not you're
straight, gay, or bisexual?
POSTED 12/12/1999
Jack, New York, NY, United States, 19, Male, College Student, 2 Years
of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 1211199992538
Responses:
I felt "different" even as a youngster, long before I knew
anything about sex. I was always drawn to the boys. I was pretty
(quietly) sexually active with guys in high school, but then
submitted to parental and peer pressure and married a woman at age
22. I divorced after 4 years, was celibate for the next 8, then came
out at 34. So, am I gay, straight or bisexual? I now identify as gay.
I am comfortable with myself as a very out gay man. I feel complete.
My wife was a good woman, but it just wasn't within my abilities to
be a dedicated husband, and it was a cruel mistake to have ever
married. There isn't any clarifying rule that determines your
orientation; it's who you are, and only you can make the call. I
certainly advise reading lots of books. Coming-out stories can help
give you a point of reference, and books such as Betty Berzon's
Setting Them Straight and perhaps Christian de la Huerta's
Coming Out Spiritually can help you deal with the likely
questions you'll have.
POSTED 12/14/1999
Mark B., Dallas, TX, United States, <markmark@airmail.net>, 39,
Male, Cathedral of Hope - UFMCC, White/Caucasian, Gay, Financial
analyst, 2 Years of College , Lower middle class, Mesg ID
1213199913840
Many people struggle with this question for their entire lives,
and sadly, there is no simple way to answer it. My suggestion would
be to "safely" explore your sexuality and do whatever feels
comfortable for you. Don't get hung up on the labels "gay," "bi" or
"straight." This is more about your happiness than how you identify
yourself. Some ways to do this would be to examine your friendships.
Do you feel more comfortable among gay or straight people? What kind
of people are you attracted to? This is a personal matter that only
you can explore. Hopefully, your friends will be there to support
you, but at the same time, you can't let them influence you. Above
all, be careful about how you proceed. Exploring your sexuality
doesn't necessarily involve sleeping around.
POSTED 12/14/1999
Shawn, Fort Worth, TX, United States, <pharaun@aol.com>, 24,
Male, Episcopalian, White/Caucasian, Gay, Aviation / Law Enforcement,
Technical School , Lower middle class, Mesg ID 1213199912948
You ask a question that's hard for me to answer because I always
knew. For me, the key was who I wanted to spend time with, how I
dreamed spending the rest of my life and what really mattered to me.
There's only one correct answer: What is true for you. Don't worry
about what other people think. You need honesty. Then whatever answer
you come up with, you can be sure that it can guide you in making
whatever decisions you face. And congratulations. While trying to
answer big questions is tough - sometimes even miserable - you're
handling this one in the best way possible by trying to get
information and looking for the truth.
POSTED 12/14/1999
Thom L., Washington, DC, United States, 56, Male, Gay, Over 4 Years
of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 12131999125503
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
Why is it that after taking part in a sports event or game at a
sports center, a lot of men do not dry themselves properly after
taking a shower? This could be used in a comedian's material. They
show wet patches on the back of their shirts that are noticable, yet
women don't have this problem.
POSTED 12/12/1999
Robert S., Poole, IL, United Kingdom, 23, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, P/T student and Wholesale worker, Mesg ID
1211199965114
Responses:
I leave wet patches on myself so it will be noticed that I have
been working out. If I just dried myself off like a normal person,
nobody would notice. But with those wet patches, I get the attention
we all desire.
POSTED 12/14/1999
Matt J., Columbia, SC, United States, Mesg ID 1213199931029
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
I have a co-worker in his mid-20s who listens to nothing but rap to
the exclusion of all other forms of music. I was quite surprised to
learn that he has never heard of any of the '70s and '80s rock groups
referred to as 'classic rock' groups. Even groups like the Rolling
Stones, Van Halen and Aerosmith, who are still recording and
performing today. I find it amazing that someone of that age is so
sheltered musically that he has never heard of some of the biggest,
in terms of sales and sheer amount of airplay, musical groups ever.
Is this common among rap listeners? I know when I was coming up in
the '70s, I and my associates had heard of most of the really big
'50s and '60s groups like the Beach Boys, et al. My co-worker happens
to be Caucasion.
POSTED 12/13/1999
Steve J., Warrensburg, MO, United States, 42, Male, White/Caucasian,
Straight, 2 Years of College, Middle class,Mesg ID 1212199934439
Responses:
Back in the old days, hip hop (a.k.a. rap) was primarily an urban
thing. It was brought about and adhered to by black and Latino youth.
The thing is, as youngsters, this generation of youths were probably
exposed to a lot more Marvin Gaye, Otis Redding, Diana Ross, James
Brown and the Temptations than to Led Zepplin and Aerosmith. With the
exception of acts such as Santana, War, Bob Marley and Jimi Hendrix,
they grew up with music that was different from the guitar solos and
multi-layered riffs of what was then modern rock and roll. Today, hip
hop is one of the biggest genres around. Officially, it has been in
existence for more than 20 years, ever since Cool Herc was attributed
with the invention of it (though its roots go back to the mid-'60s).
And today, about 80 percent of its audience is your proverbial
"suburban white kids," which explains what is shown on MTV. So this
young person you speak of could have very well completely grown up in
hip hop and by complete accident not have been exposed to anything
else. Ask him if he's ever heard of Cool Herc, Funkmaster Flex, The
Furious 5, Grandmaster Flash or the Sugar Hill Gang.
POSTED 12/14/1999
Dan, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 21, Male, Pentecostal Christian,
Hispanic/Latino, student/dishwasher, Lower middle class, Mesg ID
1213199985022
Rock music is just one of several musical styles, as is rap.
People who listen to any one genre of music aren't always interested
in or familiar with what else is out there. So those who don't listen
to rock music (or any other type, for that matter) wouldn't know much
about it. To me, that doesn't mean this guy is sheltered, but rather
he just isn't as interested in rock music as you seem to be.
POSTED 12/14/1999
Patrick, , CA, United States, 21, Male, College Student, Mesg ID
1213199965610
I love hip hop, but I also love old music from the Rolling Stones.
My boyfriend (age 22) loves hip hop at least as much as I do, but
also owns every old Rolling Stones album on vinyl (in addition to
lots of other classic rock like Aerosmith, Led Zeppelin, etc). So I
think it's just your co-worker. Some people grow such strong
loyalties to things that they aren't aware of the existence of other
things. Or maybe he just doesn't like the way classic rock sounds and
turns it off every time he hears it. It's just a matter of taste. How
many of the older hip hop artists can you name? After all, the Sugar
Hill Gang is still performing.
POSTED 12/14/1999
S.R., Austin, TX, United States, 21, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, student, Mesg ID 1213199961547
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
To black women: I love to entertain. I love having friends over for
the holidays and informal gatherings. On several occassions, I have
held get-togethers for women only. I'd like to think I'm the hostess'
hostess. I plan for weeks, cook great dishes, and usually there's
some kind of theme, etc. My dilemma: consistently, my black
girlfriends are notorious for not giving an RSVP. Why is this? It is
a bit frustrating trying to plan menus, table settings, etc. without
some idea of the head count. My non-black friends are far more
considerate, responding nay or yea in timely manner. They routinely
also thank me for the invitation and request that I keep them in mind
for the next affair I have. To those of you who do not respond, have
you ever considered that not responding is inconsiderate?
POSTED 12/2/1999
Zawadi, Farmington Hills, MI, United States,
<aquarius9@hotmail.com>, 34, Female, Black/African
American,publishing, Middle class, Mesg ID 1229915922
Responses:
I have two suggestions: 1. Rather
than use the French RSVP, use 'please reply'. 2. Offer a convenient
means for the response, like a self addressed, stamped postcard with
a place to note yes or no and a place to write the name of the
respondent. Hope this helps you to get a better "head count" for your
next affair.
POSTED 12/13/1999
M., Jacksonville, FL, United States, Mesg ID 12111999100731
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
For the past few months on campus I've often seen Asian girls walking
together, dressed alike, with their arms around one another. I
haven't noticed such large numbers of girls of other races doing
this, and I'm wondering if maybe it's common among girls in Asia to
show platonic affection this way. Or is it something else? I know
there is the possibility that they could be lesbians, but something
tells me this is not the case for all of them.
POSTED 12/8/1999
S.R., Austin, TX, United States, 21, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, student, Mesg ID 128199941205
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
I have been to a few Baptist wakes in Boston. It seems as though some
Baptists place a thin cranberry-red colored netting over the open
coffin. I've seen this done three times at black Southern Baptist
services. Is this a Southern thing, a Baptist thing, a Boston thing
or a black thing? And what is the purpose? Is it religious,
ornamental, functional, symbolic or all of the above?
POSTED 12/8/1999
Carole, Boston, MA, United States, 32, Female, Agnostic, Biracial,
Straight, 4 Years of College , Middle class,Mesg ID 127199950527
Responses:
I think this may be more of a black thing. It's not a specific
Baptist rite that I know of. You don't see it so much today because
most churches are air-conditioned. But years ago, when churches had
to open the windows in summer, the netting was to protect the body
from flies and other insects.
POSTED 12/14/1999
Sara, Louisville, KY, United States, 66, Female, Baptist,
Black/African American, Straight, Retired, High School Diploma, Lower
middle class, Mesg ID 1213199985638
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Copyright and
disclaimer