DARE TO ASK: Black women less fretful over weight?

By PHILLIP MILANO, The Times-Union

Question

Why do overweight black women exude self-confidence, while most white overweight women hate themselves?

Jennie, 22, white, W.Va.

Replies

Big hips, chests and behinds are prized among most black men.

K.J., 17, black female, Bronx, N.Y.

I think African-American women are stronger. They've overcome the most trials and prejudice. I'm tired of society having unrealistic concepts of what women should look like.

Cyndi, 28, white female, Ohio

White women miss out on good food, warm sun and daring dress styles by letting others define their beauty. Confidence comes from inside, when you realize you will never be what fashion magazines want but can still acknowledge you are "all that" because you look in the mirror and can see it.

Mrs. Williams, 26, Athens, Ga.

Enough about how confident we are. In a minute I'll have to pull out my boots. Let's stop pretending black women don't have self-image issues. Before we can heal, we have to admit we hurt. That always-strong, sexy, intelligent persona is not a realistic portrait of who I am.

Zawadi, 34, Michigan

I tried to fool myself with that "I'm big and beautiful" nonsense -- right up till I broke the zipper out of a pair of size-14 pants. Using cute terms will not erase the truth that too many of us are just too damn big. And trust me, the majority of overweight sistas are not feeling the confidence they exude.

Rhonda, 42, black, Laurelton, N.Y.

Expert says

We won't stoop to the level of writers who might indelicately muse that some women fret too much about their trunks being filled with all that junk. Or that they worry incessantly that their lady lumps are not, in fact, lovely.

We would never do that.

To approach the topic with a sense of dignity, we called Biggest Loser reality TV star Andrea Baptiste, a black woman who lost a bunch of weight off her hump, her hump, her hump her hump her hump.

In the back and in the front. Check it out.

"Norms in society are based on a Hollywood version of beauty that is not a black woman. It's Lindsay Lohan, lean, tone -- and white," said Baptiste, a motivational speaker. "Black women grew up with curvy women as an image of beauty, in Jet and Vibe."

Without pressure to be thin, and with many black men preferring "meat on the bones," black women can feel better about their bodies, she said.

"White women want to fit in, but we're more like 'Screw it, if you don't like it, move on.'"

Being large and in charge, however, doesn't mean taking health for granted, and nowadays more black women appreciate eating right, exercising and watching their cholesterol and blood pressure, she said.

"Plenty of overweight black women are quite content with who they are. But plenty, myself, too, weren't happy being big. Still, it's not about doing it to please others. White women: Love yourselves first. Forget what others think. And eat something. Have a rib."

Phillip Milano, author of I Can't Believe You Asked That! (Perigee), moderates cross-cultural dialogue at Y? The National Forum on People's Differences. Visit www.yforum.com to submit questions and answers, or mail to Phillip Milano, c/o The Florida Times-Union, P.O. Box 1949, Jacksonville, FL 32231. Include contact information.