DARE TO ASK: So, if you happen to see a star . . .

By PHILLIP MILANO, The Times-Union

Question

How do people with fame want to be treated in public?

A. Reed , 24, male, Salt Lake City

Replies

I know several famous people - Raven-Symone, Savannah Bass [daughter of Baltimore TV anchor Marty Bass] and several football and baseball players. They all just like to be treated like people. Being a stalker bothers them.

Nary, 14, female, Baltimore

I'm playing baseball for a local minor league baseball team . . . [and] it makes my day to be stopped in a store by a little kid wearing our team's hat and asked for a picture or autograph. On the other hand, it sucks being stopped by a balding middle-aged man in a supermarket who wants to heckle me about an error in the last ball game he attended.

C.J., 23, Westfield, Mass.

I have met quite a handful of famous people. I treat them as people, [and] their reactions can go either way. Few retaliate negatively if I'm not star-struck. Gene Simmons [of Kiss] can get quite offended if he's not recognized. And if you ever meet Kelly Osbourne, do not jump up and down and say, "Oh my God, it's Jack's sister!"

Anonymous, Texas

These people are no different than you or I - maybe more conceited because people kiss their butts all day. Why do people fawn all over them? Get on with your life.

Dan, Plymouth, Mich

Expert says

They say celebrities are human beings, so before generalizing, let's see how specific people have handled fame, from James Robert Parish, writer of many books on celebrities, including The Hollywood Book of Extravagance:

Joan Crawford thrived on her fans. She or her staff would answer every letter sent. "As a teenager I sent her letters, and I always got an answer."

Sean Penn became his own worst enemy with the media. "The press knew if they taunted him on the street, he would go violent and ballistic and they'd get a great camera-op. People would say, 'Doesn't he know if he'd be quiet they would stop doing it?' "

Johnny Depp moved to Europe, had kids and became more reasonable. "Now that he's bankable, he knows the power of publicity . . . but he has put limits on coverage of his children."

Tom Cruise let go of a good publicist (think buffer), jumped on a couch on Oprah and hurt his appeal.

Lindsay/Paris/Britney: "A lot of younger people feel the quickest way to fame is not hard work, but having a decent body and face, being in paparazzi photos and being outrageous on the party circuit."

OK, now two quick generalizations:

- "I don't think there's a movie star who would not be upset if they walked into a restaurant and no one recognized them," Parish said. "It's not just vanity, it's a bellwether to if the public still cares about them."

- Many celebs accept that in an era of cell phones and the Internet, they should play nice with the press and public before getting back to their salads.

"The smarter ones know if they are nasty, it will backfire and hurt them," he said.

Phillip Milano, author of I Can't Believe You Asked That! (Perigee), moderates cross-cultural dialogue at Y? The National Forum on People's Differences. Visit www.yforum.com to submit questions and answers. Send general column comments to phillip. milano@jacksonville.com. You can also hear his podcasts or watch his TV spots.