Dare to Ask: Step away from the dust bunny

By PHILLIP MILANO, The Times-Union

Question

Why is it that whenever the media (or the show COPS) goes into a poor house/apartment, there is almost always a bare mattress on the floor and piles of clothes everywhere? I understand if one could not afford a box spring or dresser, but do you have to be so sloppy?

Bride, female, Detroit

Replies 

When I was little, my parents divorced, and we moved into a little "ghetto" apartment. I shared a room with my sister, and we had a mattress on the ground. We always jumped on it and trashed the room every chance we got. My mom worked all day and took care of us when we weren't in day care. Her cleaning was taken up by basic things like keeping the kitchen and bathroom clean enough to keep us healthy; things like clothes on the ground could "go until next week."

Robin C., 20, Denver

The media purposefully make poor people look like lazy slobs.

Erika, 25, lower middle class, Portland, Maine

I just moved out of the second-poorest neighborhood in my city. It's the apathy that gets or keeps them in the slums, that leads to the slovenly lifestyle.

Jason, 30, Medford, Ore.

I grew up in a mobile home in Michigan. I am probably just like the people on COPS. But my apartment is really nice. I always have sheets on the bed. It isn't a reflection of the poor. It's just how they choose to live. I bet some places on COPS are middle-class, but they just don't choose to "look" that way. Probably for the same reasons they are on COPS: they are nuts!

Erin, 20, Anaheim, Calif.

Expert says

To jazz up the well-worn TV franchise, may we suggest COPS: Tidy Perps Edition.

Hello, HGTV?

After all, it's not just the rich and non-criminal who keep a nice house. Frank McCann, director of New Jersey-based Just Neighbors, a curriculum that shows people what it's like to be poor, said most often, those in poverty live in dignity.

"We need to examine the conditions under which people bring TV cameras in," said McCann, who's worked on poverty issues more than 30 years. "The landlord may not have cared for the building, or water may be leaking. That causes people to live differently.

"Also, it's usually an extraordinarily disrupted time when cameras visit. Yes, there may be clothes on the floor during a news event or disruption."

Mostly, a clean room with sheets on the bed has less to do with economics than with training, size and strength of a family, and time to devote to such chores, McCann said.

"Poorer people may not have the options we have, such as a cleaning lady. Despite that, most families in poor conditions don't live that way. They may not have the newest clothes or freshest paint, but they aren't living in slop and dirt."

Ultimately, learning proper living habits applies to poor and rich alike, McCann said.

"For that matter, I could take you to my son's room at Georgetown, and you'd see clothes on the floor. It has nothing to do with economics. Some people are organized; some aren't."

Phillip Milano, author of I Can't Believe You Asked That! (Perigee), moderates cross-cultural dialogue at Y? The National Forum on People's Differences. Visit www.yforum.com to submit questions and answers. Send general column comments to phillip. milano@jacksonville.com. You can also hear his podcasts or watch his TV spots.