Dare to Ask: Here's perspective on the rainbow connections

By Phillip Milano

The Florida Times-Union

Question

I'm aware of the sticker culture among gay/lesbian/whomever (i.e. rainbow for gay/lesbian, black/blue with a red heart for SM/leather peeps). What puzzles me is when people affix their badge of pride upside-down or backward. Also, I would not purposefully affix a target to my vehicle for vandals.

Kinsey, 26, gay male, San Francisco

Replies

Don't expect anything because of the sticker. No vandalism, and I've never had someone approach me about it in a parking lot. I've never gotten dates or phone numbers because of it. Sigh.

Patrick, 35, gay, Denver

Left to right (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple) is for a gay man, right to left is for a lesbian.

Rhett, 18, Minnesota

When I purchased a rainbow flag for my rear window, I took care to ensure I installed it purple side down, only to realize when I closed the hatchback that what had been the bottom moments before was now the top.

Arby, gay, New Jersey

Expert says

Dare to Ask has no real cause or banner, but we do have our freak flag that we'll keep waving high. And then we'll take the administration building. Even the cops'll groove with us, man. Then we'll find the TV and surround-sound remotes both between the couch cushions and get back to Nat Geo.

But before we do all that, there are rainbow flags fluttering and stickers sticking that must be explained. There's the original one, designed by San Francisco artist Gilbert Baker in 1978 to show gay pride. It started with eight horizontal stripes but now is most often flown with six -- red, orange, yellow, green, blue and violet. There's one for bears (usually more hairy, burly gay guys) that is done in earth tones like yellow, brown and black, and even has a paw print. And there's one for lesbians that has the lower-case Greek letter lambda with the rainbow backfield. There are more. Google 'em.

Humorist, author ("I Told You So," "What the L?") and lesbian Kate Clinton doesn't think there's much difference between "right-side up" or "upside-down" rainbow flags. They're both about pride. The flag also can signal safety, she added, much like some areas have community watch signs.

"If you're traveling, you might be unsure it's a gay-friendly area. Then you go 'Yes, a rainbow flag is out!' "

As far as backlashes, Clinton said it makes sense to test the waters of your area before unfurling the rainbow flag, but "even in Greenwich Village, someone could do it [vandalism], too."

Overall, she likes the openness of it.

"The more visibility, the faster we progress," she said.

For those who say such symbols push one's lifestyle in others' faces, Clinton said that's fine, "but then, if you're a guy, may I ask you to please hide your affection for your girlfriend at the airport? I mean, yeah, let's all hide all signs of love."

For herself, Clinton found that a gradual style of coming out worked best.

"My family would not have done well with a Thanksgiving announcement of 'Pass the gravy, I'm a lesbian.' "

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Phillip Milano, author of I Can't Believe You Asked That! (Perigee), moderates cross-cultural dialogue at Y? The National Forum on People's Differences. Visit www.yforum.com to submit questions and answers. Send general column comments to phillip.milano@jacksonville.com. You can also hear his podcasts or watch his TV spots.