Sexual
Orientation
Questions 111-120
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THE
QUESTION:
SO120: I really enjoy being with other women, but I find that
this behavior is sometimes unacceptable to others. To people who are
offended by this: What is it, specifically, that offends you about a
woman loving another woman, or makes you feel uncomfortable?
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Female, 24
<aogden@hotmail.com>,
San Antonio, TX
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
SO119: Is there any way to make up for having taken part in
gay bashing many years ago, short of turning myself in?
POSTED JAN. 20, 1999
Anonymous
ANSWER 1:
Many people gay-bash out of fear, lack of understanding
and often to cover their deep-seated fears that they too have these
leanings (the desire to be with the same sex.) Often those with the
most desire to gay-bash are latent homosexuals in denial of their own
desires, sexually. They bash as if to say, "I am different and I
don't like you." But it's usually out of fear of their own sexuality
that they don't want to face. Therefore, homosexuals are really
bashing their own. It's time to either face and look at your own
sexual desires and deal with this question, or vow no longer to hurt
others, by words or physical actions. If you feel that you are not
hiding from looking at your own homosexual tendencies, then you can
do something else to handle the problem of past gay-bashing: Work to
end the oppression. Join an organization that works toward ending the
oppression of the gay/lesbian person, and be a "Straight but not
narrow" person who helps end oppression. And certainly don't engage
in further gay-bashing, and stay away from those who do. Changing you
is changing society and being a positive person. Even asking the
question shows you care about how you act toward others and want to
change the behavior. Good for you.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Diane P., female, Northern California
FURTHER NOTICE:
If you know who the person was, or if the crime was
reported to the police, you might first try making direct reparations
to your victim for their financial losses (medical bills, lost work,
counseling, etc.) This could be done anonymously with a letter asking
their forgiveness, and could go a long way to helping your victim in
their own recovery. The financial hardship to you will be nothing
compared to the physical, emotional and financial pain your victim
went through.
Besides donating time and money to numerous worthy gay and lesbian
causes that I'm sure many others will mention, you might try the
following: A) Volunteer to work with a Victims' Reparation program,
particularly in regard to gay-bashing incidents or other hate crimes.
This will give you a much stronger appreciation for what your victim
went through. B) Lobby for inclusion of "sexual orientation" in hate
crime bills and civil rights protections in your state, town,
company, etc. Write your state senator and representative. Testify
before the legislature. Write an editorial for your local newspapers,
both mainstream and gay. Let your voice be heard. Become an active
ally. C) If this was a group attack, contact those who participated
with you and let them know your change of heart. Ask if they would be
willing to help in your recovery process or begin one of their own by
making voluntary reprarations for past crimes.
While nothing will completely mend shattered lives, I commend your
efforts to try to rectify past wrongs.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
DykeOnByke, 48, lesbian
<DykeOnByke@aol.com>,
Southfield , MI
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I suppose it depends on whether you know who you bashed -
you could make amends to them personally . If you don't, you might
consider helping out if you see a gay person being harassed. These
are both more positive responses than turning yourself in, which
probably won't help anyone - obviously you are suffering for your
wrongdoing already.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Ben S., queer Caucasian male
<bscaro@hotmail.com>,
Hobart, Tasmania, Australia
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Volunteer in one of the neighborhood watch groups that
exist in most cities that patrol gay neighborhoods to prevent
bashings. If none exist, volunteer for community service in one of
the gay/lesbian organizations in your area. Above all, challenge
others around you to stop if you see them slipping toward hate - in
word or deed.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Michael, 37, gay white male
<txmichael@worldnet.att.net>,
Houston , TX
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Check your local phone business directory for the local
chapter of Parents, Family, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG).
Call them and tell them you would like to make a donation. If you
want to do more, you could offer to attend a meeting and tell about
your experience and why you now feel it was wrong. You don't need to
give any incriminating details. PFLAG people are among the most
loving and friendly on the planet. You need fear no harm. Good luck
and God bless you for your change of heart (perhaps she already
has!)
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Lewis T., 52
<lthom3@aol.com>, Grosse
Pointe, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
No. I suggest you take personal responsibility for your
actions. You cannot assuage your guilt by making a monetary donation
to a cause. Face up to what you did, apologize sincerely and accept
the consequences of your actions.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Dan H., 35
<dnh6n@virginia.edu>,
Charlottesville, VA
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
The primary point is that you recognize what you did
wrong. As to any action you take now, that's something neither I nor
anyone else can truly answer for you. Personally, if I were in your
shoes, I'd think about what I would say to my child if they came to
me with this question. It depends on the severity of the action. Is
it something you can remedy today with action? Or would the action
just bring up old wounds and not bring closure to you or the other
person? I have a friend who volunteers weekly with an AIDS support
group. During a lunch discussion, she shared with me her reason for
doing the work. She kept her sister's best friend from getting a job
he wanted because he was gay. She felt he had no business working
with kids. In later years, she discovered how irrational her actions
were. But he had moved, had a good job and she hadn't spoken to him
in years. This is her way of acquiring the closure she needs for her
actions. It's really up to you. But, I think you'v matured by just
asking this question.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Alma,white lesbian
<pridewks@seacove.net>,
Kempner , TX
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
Be an activist. Support your local community center. Speak
out against homophobia and heterosexism. Offer to speak to young gay
groups, etc. And stop beating yourself up. It is quite typical,
although wrong, to gay-bash to protect yourself from society's hatred
of gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender/queer people. Please, get into
therapy, with a reputable therapist, so you can go on. It's OK.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Sheila, 49, lesbian, g/l/b/t/q youth director
<Hopeteens@aol.com>, W.
Palm Beach , FL
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
The most productive act of contrition would be to make
your change of heart work for a better environment for all of us,
free from hate of any kind. Specifically, be supportive of gays' and
lesbians' right to live free of hate and prejudice. Join a local
chapter of PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). But most
importantly, take every opportunity to share your change of heart. A
lot of people need to hear a voice of reason that begins with "I used
to feel that way, but then...." Hate and prejudice are born of fear
and survive only in ignorance.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Harry <Ustreet@aol.com>,
Washington , DC
FURTHER NOTICE 9:
Instead of joining pro-homosexual groups, you could join
groups that help gays and lesbians realize the error of their ways.
In lashing out at gays by "gay-bashing," you used violence, which was
obviously not appropriate. There are groups that help homosexuals
change their lifestyle and move away from their unnatural and sinful
ways in a non-violent and peaceful way. This may be an option, too.
You do not have to accept another person's lifestyle, no matter what
our secular and hedonistic society would like you to believe. But
because you do not accept someone's lifestyle does not mean you can
use violence to attack it. Try a more peaceful means.
POSTED JAN. 27, 1999
Pete, male, Toledo, OH
FURTHER NOTICE 10:
I agree with Further Notice 5. I applaud you in your
efforts to do something, but this is not about alleviating your
guilt. It's about the victim. How did this experience affect their
life? Take responsibility for what happened by returning and
confessing to the victim and/or local authorities. Remember, you've
gone on with your life, but you don't know what this has done to the
victim. You have to face the consequences. Bashing is a violent and
abusive crime (like rape) that cannot be repaired through
volunteering and donations.
POSTED JAN. 27, 1999
D.N., Seattle, WA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
SO118: I have always wondered why straight men sometimes seem
to stare at my chest (I'm in good shape), in the same manner they
might check out a woman's breasts. I am not bothered by it but am
curious.
POSTED JAN. 20, 1999
Rod O., 35, gay male, Atlanta, GA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
SO117: In giving a speech at school about tolerance of gay and
lesbian people, I mentioned that the importance of bringing an end to
homophobia was equal to the importance of bringing an end to racism.
Afterward an African-American Catholic girl approached me and said
she did ot like being compared to gay people, because "you can
choose, and we cannot." I tried to explain to her about how we can't
choose, and how tolerance was still equally important, but I did not
want to bash her religion. What should I do in such an instance?
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
Emily, 14, lesbian
<fauxscully@aol.com>,
New Haven, CT
ANSWER 1:
I woulld explain that the vast majority of people do not
choose their sexual orientation. Heterosexuals who believe gay people
choose their sexuality don't know what they're talking about. Not
being gay, how could they? You might ask such people if they can
remember when they "chose" to be straight. Also, it's incredibly
insulting for some straights to insist that homosexuality is a choice
when most gay people tell them it isn't. By not taking our word about
what we feel, they basically brand us liars. Interesting that your
questioner was Catholic. You might have told her that although
Catholic doctrine insists that same-sex acts are sinful, it also
clearly recognizes that homosexual orientation is not chosen (see the
American bishops letter of last year on this subject).
Ultimately, "choice" is not the main issue. You could have also
reminded her that although she didn't choose her race, her religious
beliefs clearly are a choice. Remind her that Catholics have often
been persecuted in this country, and that there are laws to protect
people from being discriminated against because of their faith. As a
gay man and an agnostic, I don't care much for traditional religion,
but I support these laws. I think it's wrong to fire, evict or beat
somebody up because of their religion, even if that religion includes
beliefs about homosexuality that I find profoundly offensive and
degrading. By the same token, you don't have to be gay and can even
believe homosexuality is a sin and still believe gay people should be
accorded the same rights and dignity as everyone else. Tolerance is
not about the obliteration of differences. It's about learing to live
with them.
POSTED JAN. 19, 1999
Robert L., 31, gay male, Los Angeles, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
I think you did the right thing. All you can do is explain
the facts of sexual orientation. Her religion is irrelevant to that.
If she listens, good for her. If she won't, you've done what you
can.
POSTED JAN. 19, 1999
Andrew, 35, straight
<ziptron@start.com.au>,
Huntington, NY
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Homophobia, anti-Semitism and anti-black/Native
American/female (or male)/elderly/Hispanic behavior is based on one
factor: Something that makes a person "different." The reason some
black Americans don't like being "compared" to gays is, from my
experience, based on lack of education. Many blacks are raised in a
strong fundamentalist Christian enviroment, where homosexuals are
defined as perverts. I find this amazing, since I researched state
and federal child protection data and found that more than 90 percent
of child abuse cases are by male heterosexuals who are family
members. The young lady you spoke to also had misinformation in
another area. I cannot "choose" my sexual orientation. Do you think I
would choose a "lifestyle" that would get me physically assaulted,
denied a job, spit at and labled a criminal? The black Americans I
have come to regard as friends have had to know me for a while before
they figured out that their prior ideas were not correct. What you do
need to understand is that for many black Americans, religion has
been their only source of support. It certainly has not been the U.S.
government. But some of those religious beliefs foster, instead of
prevent, discrimination, and that is something that will take time to
correct. What you are witnessing is evolution in progress. I think
the NAACP, LULAC and the American gay community need to get together
and form a National Minority Coalition.
POSTED JAN. 19, 1999
Alma, white lesbian
<pridewks@seacove.net>,
Kempner , TX
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I actually agree with the little girl, but not for the
same reason (regarding choice). Race, in most cases, can be
determined by looking at someone. Their sexuality cannot. As a black
gay male, I've found myself looking at the similarities and
differences between racism and homophobia. The one fundamental
difference is that you can hide your sexuality, but you can't hide
your race. This was brought to life some years ago when a manager
told me in casual conversation that he'd never hire anyone who was
gay. So I asked him how he'd know if someone was gay. Of course, he
had no credible answer. Had he used the word "black" instead of
"gay," I would not be relating this experience.
POSTED JAN. 29, 1999
D.N., 35, black gay male, Seattle , WA
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
To Alma: How dare you (as a Caucasian) even begin to speak
for "black Americans" about their values, beliefs and education (or
lack thereof).
First of all, I am a black gay male and (more than likely)
associate with more straight black people than you have ever seen in
your life. I could hold in the palm of my hand the number of
"fundamentalist Christian" black people I know, and furthermore, most
of them don't care who is gay or straight (as long as they are good
people) and don't generally view gay people as "perverts." The real
problem is that black people have a serious history issue in
this country and don't feel that anyone can know the pain and
suffering that was forced upon us. The fact that this issue is
belittled by comments like "get over it, I didn't do that to you"
makes it that much more enraging (this is not to say you made those
comments). The "gay people's fight" is felt to be different from the
fight black people are in, as gay people weren't fighting for black
rights "back in the day." Even though some think it is the same fight
for equality, it isn't.
POSTED MARCH 16, 1999
Kyle, 30, gay black male
<kyllr2v231@aol.com>,
San Francisco, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
To Kyle: I "dare" and will continue to "dare" for the same
reason you do: My rights under the Constitution to free speech. And
neither you nor anyone else, gay or straight, black or white, will
ever take that away from me. Every minority in this nation has a
common factor: We have been treated badly because of something that
makes us different. It is for that reason that we need to band
together as a minority coalition to establish national hate crimes
legislation to combat discrimination. No one minority has priority
"victim" status in this country. This "I'm the most oppressed"
attitude is preventing blacks, gays, Jews, Hispanics, etc. from
combining our efforts to work for equality for all.
POSTED MARCH 24, 1999
Alma, white lesbian
<pridewks@seacove.net>,
Kempner, TX
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
SO116: Do gay men really perceive themselves as being either
"bottoms" or "tops"? If so, what's the criteria?
POSTED JAN. 14, 1999
Cliff R., 33, straight male, Tallahassee, FL
ANSWER 1:
"Top" and "bottom" - the latter being the receptive role
in sex - are also occasionally referred to as "Greek active" and
"Greek passive," respectively. Similar delineations apply to oral
sex: If a man identifies himself as "French active," it means he
enjoys performing oral sex, whereas a man who enjoys receiving oral
sex would be called "French passive." If a man identifies himself as
being "versatile," it means he enjoys any or all of these various
roles. Exactly what causes men, or for that matter women, to enjoy
any one sexual position or role over another is anyone's guess. I
doubt if it has anything to do with masculinity or one's desire to
dominate another person. It's probably as complicated as one's own
aesthetic sense. It is part of what makes all of us uniquely human.
As for myself, I would say simply that I enjoy pleasuring and being
pleasured, and I think there is something joyful and powerful about
good old-fashioned mansex.
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
Chuck A., male
<PolishBear@aol.com>,
Spring Hill, WV
FURTHER NOTICE:
Some gay men do perceive themselves as being a total "top"
or "bottom." Most don't, in my experience. Some who do will quickly
change that view after experience with a more "versatile" partner. It
is also interesting that many of us like to commodify themselves by
so describing ourselves.
POSTED JAN. 20, 1999
Ben S., gay male
<bscaro@hotmail.com>,
Hobart, Tasmania, Australia
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
SO115: Is it possible for animals such as dogs, lions, horses,
etc. to be homosexual and avoid their natural instincts to procreate
in the wild?
POSTED JAN. 6, 1999
Stuart
<damn_strait@hotmail.com>,
Australia
ANSWER 1:
I think there hasn't been a whole lot of research in this
area, but I am aware that at least some animals have sex simply for
the sake of pleasure, specifically bonobos (a type of ape). Bonobos
masturbate and are essentially bisexual, using sexual activities to
smooth out the tensions in the troop. The cool part is that it
discounts the "logic" that bisexuality isn't real and that sex for
pleasure isn't natural. I say "ha"!
POSTED FEB. 5, 1999
Jezebel R., 31, bisexual
<jezebelring@hotmail.com>,
Duluth, MN
FURTHER NOTICE:
Actually, homosexuality exists in every species of animal.
It is also important to realize that animals do not make the
connection between having heterosexual intercourse and giving birth.
Indeed, humans have only recently figured this out, and some cultures
haven't known it for very long. For instance, the Apostle Paul lived
in a society that thought sexual reproduction was achieved by a man
"planting" his seed in a woman, and that she was just the vessel for
his progeny.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Jim <Jimdcs@aol.com>,
Rochester , NY
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
SO114: What do you think is the origin of homosexuality?
POSTED DEC. 30, 1998
Yael B. 14, (heterosexual)
<xyz_il@yahoo.com>,
Beer-Seva, Israel
ANSWER 1:
It all comes down to how you view homosexuality. I
consider one's sexual orientation genetically based. That being said,
I do not think we can say how that genetic trait became part of the
human genetic code, just as we cannot say how the gene for red hair
or left-handedness came into the mix.
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
John K., 25
<the-macs@geocities.com>,
Cranford , NJ
FURTHER NOTICE:
I feel strongly that humans have brought only destruction
to our planet, and that nature (or God, or whomever) has begun to
make more people homosexual to try to introduce a slow end to
reproduction, thus bringing extinction. I am fully aware that
homosexuals have existed since before Christ. I can counter that only
by saying that 3,000 years is not a very long time for a species to
exist (I believe history can only travel that far and still find
homosexuals). Over time, according to my theory, more people will
find themselves gay. Whether we will continue to reproduce beyond
that I can't decide.
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
Emily, 13, lesbian female
<fauxscully@aol.com>,
New Haven, CT
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Given that homosexuality is practiced by many, if not most
mammals, it fits into that category of normal behavior. Not
necessarily normal for the majority but rather normal for the a
minority of members of a species. What underlies this behavior is
most likely genetics and/or placental hormone levels, but that is to
be determined. Meanwhile, those who cloak themselves in religion as a
cover for their insecurities and their bigoted prejudices will
continue to be abusive to those who are different from
themselves.
POSTED JAN. 28, 1999
Daniel M., white heterosexual male
<dmorgan@exesolutions.com>,
Mercer Island, WA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I can't comment on nature or God introducing a slow end to
reproduction, but as a gay man who often questions his existence, I
can offer some other hypotheses.
It seems as though the main argument relating to homosexuality is
"You are born with it" vs. "it is a choice." Anyone with any sense
knows that no one would choose to be gay. I don't understand how one
could be "born gay," but I cannot say it is not possible. I don't
understand gay people who say "I knew I was different when I was
five." No one knows anything when they are five, especially
regarding their sexuality. I am a firm believer in the power of
psychological conditioning, and I believe most gay people are so
because of the environment they grew up in. I believe I am gay
because my mother was the figure I was closest to and most dependent
on as I was growing up. My father is a wonderful man, but I didn't
connect with him in the typical masculine father/son way, and because
of that, he has always been sort of distant. Therefore, it makes
perfect sense to me that I am gay.
My first memory of noticing men is when I was in the sixth grade.
I have, however, become interested in a new theory that homosexuality
is related to the amount of testosterone in the mother's system while
the fetus is developing. I believe it is possible that this chemical
difference can determine one's sexuality. But I pretty much believe
that everyone is born bisexual, and that environmental and upbringing
factors determine which way one will lean. The most important point I
can make, though, is not to dwell on what made you this way. When I
was coming out to myself, I eventually realized it would not help me
to try and figure out what made me gay, but that I should accept that
I am this way and that it is part of who I am. It has made all the
difference, and I am perfectly content with who I am as a person.
POSTED APRIL 7, 1999
F. Mann , gay male,
<Dr_aftershave@hotmail.com>,
Raleigh , NC
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Predominantly, I believe it's genetic. Twins studies have
shown genetics play a part in everything from color preference to
political leanings. (I can't buy the "distant father/strong mother"
theory because that wasn't the case in my family.) Sexuality is
something innate in all advanced life on this planet, so if you
believe in a Creator, then I guess you'd have to conclude God is the
originator of homosexuality - which doesn't invalidate the scientific
view in the least.
POSTED APRIL 8, 1999
Michael, 37, gay white male, relaxed Methodist
<txmichael@worldnet.att.net>,Houston
, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I disagree with people who say that because they identify
with their mother, that they are gay. When I was growing up, I did
not want to become like my father. I identified with mother. That has
molded my character to be more emotional and caring, but not to make
me homosexual. I find women easier to talk to, and enjoy their
company more.
POSTED APRIL 8, 1999
Ronald V., 46, male, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
SO113: Why does it seem that so many gay males are involved in
theater, dance or the arts? When younger, I always believed this was
a horrible stereotype, which I still essentially believe. But I have
always been into theater and dance, and since I was 13, I have known
I was gay. Are homosexuals attracted to this field, or does this
field attract homosexuals? I know the majority of homosexuals work in
other fields; I am just wondering why so many are into "the
arts."
POSTED DEC. 28, 1998
Broadway Bound (I need to use a nickname because I am not out to
anyone), 15, gay, MI
ANSWER 1:
I believe gays are attracted to the arts, and so, the arts
attract gays. For a year and a half, I worked in the corporate field.
People were homophobic and would call each other homos or homo-ners
in that punch-in-the-arm-ya-big-lug kind of way. They would say, "My
last boss was gay, and he didn't even try to hide it!" They all lived
in the suburbs, and had cookie-cutter lives. I was an art major and
went to work for an art museum and a theater. Their staff was about a
quarter gay, and those who were gay were open, and those who weren't
were accepting. You will find this in almost all arts organizations,
so I think the gay-friendly atmosphere encourages gays with artistic
talent to pursue it. Perhaps because gays are not afraid to do things
that "real men" would consider effeminate, you have a high number of
gay men who can dance, sing, act and draw. Although it does make me
cringe when I hear the stereotype, the last time I was in a gay bar,
it was karoake night, and instead of painfully bad singers, it was
like watching people audition for Rent. It was truly amazing.
So, a word of warning: You're going to have a lot of competition.
Break a leg.
POSTED JAN. 6, 1999
Craig, 35, gay,
<cmorris@loft.org>,
Minneapolis, MN
FURTHER NOTICE:
A horrible stereotype to realize that homosexuality and
artstic gifts are linked? I wouldn't call it that at all. I would say
that you are simply noticing reality. More than 90 percent of church
organists are gay. It's not a stereotype, it's just that these things
are linked. Straight men are out there building it, and we are out
there designing and decorating it! It's balance, and we need each
other. We are all just different parts of one body, so if the head
despises the feet, it will be suprised to see how far it can travel
without them. It is also true that although 10 percent of the
population is left handed, left handedness is far more common in gay
men. I wish I had the reference but I've lost the copy I had. I'm not
offended to learn that I'm sensitive, artistic, musical, spiritual
and homosexual. I'm proud of it.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Jim, gay male
<Jimdcs@aol.com>,
Rochester, NY
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Jim, that's a crock. I am out there building the churches
also, and so are a lot of my gay friends, and we love it. I am not a
decorator, dancer or designer. Not all, or even most, gay men are
"artistic." I hate those stereotypes.
POSTED MARCH 16, 1999
Kyle, 30, gay black male
<kyllr2v231@aol.com>,
Snan Francisco, CA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
SO112: This is specifically for people who oppose
homosexuality: Why do you place so much weight on the subject of
homosexuality as being sinful, even though chapters in Leviticus in
the Bible say that shaving hair on the side of your face is wrong,
planting two different kinds of seed in the same field is wrong and
wearing cloth made of two different kinds of materials is equally
wrong? Also, it seems to me that adultery is quite a high moral
wrong, since it is mentioned in one of the ten commandments, but
adulterers attend church and get divorced and remarried even within
the most accusatory groups, and no one seems to dwell on that
fact.
POSTED DEC. 28, 1998
C.R., IA
ANSWER 1:
Adultery is morally wrong and deserves just as much
criticism as homosexuality. Homosexuality may get more attention than
these other wrongs because it disgusts people more in a moral and
physical sense and not just a moral sense. The physical makeup of
humans is not conducive to physical same-sex relationships. This is
obvious. You can say it's not all about sex, but that is what
everyone thinks about and gets disgusted by. I suggest in the future
that you try not to find validation in the Bible for a homosexual
lifestyle. Anyone can take a few lines out of context from the Bible
and make them sound favorable to their cause, as you have shown. I
think you know deep down, as well as many others, that the Bible does
not endorse such a lifestyle. If you need validation for this
lifestyle, you will have to look elsewhere. The Bible also does not
endorse or validate adultery. Both of these sins should be treated
with the same disdain. Whether you like it or not, homosexuality will
remain a huge target for criticism. I feel the disgust, disease and
unnatural physical acts that surround homosexuality will cause people
to speak out and fight this sin with more vigor.
POSTED DEC. 30, 1998
B.G., Cincinnati, OH
FURTHER NOTICE:
To C.R.: Good point. Peter Gomes is pastor to Harvard
University and has an excellent discussion about the Bible and
homosexuality in his book The Good Book. He also discusses how
the Bible has been similarly used to justify slavery and oppression
of women. His consistent point is that you should focus on the
broader themes in the Bible (love your neighbor, etc.) and not get
hung up on the details (don't eat anything from a pig, etc.). Often
the details are misunderstood as well - some verses commonly taken to
condemn gays in general are actually referring to gay prostitutes.
Gomes has a new book out now, an anthology of his sermons, and has
been on the talk show circuit.
POSTED DEC. 30, 1998
B. Hale, straight
<halehart@aol.com>,
Hartford CT
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Do you also happen to notice how these same individuals
will protest a film or television program for treating homosexuality
in a realistic way, but they ignore all of the films with endless
killing and other such violence, despite the fact that "Thou shalt
not kill" is one of the more obvious commandments? The answer is,
these people are hypocrites. Most of these fundamentalist types are
spurred on by church leaders who have more political agendas than
spiritual ones. I have also noticed that Christianity, in general,
works better when "under siege." So what do these types do? They pick
a few groups that can be easily targeted as sinners and act as though
the Christian way of life is being threatened by those same
"sinners."
POSTED DEC. 30, 1998
John K., 25
<the-macs@geocities.com>,
Cranford, NJ
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Please don't tell me the religious aspect is the basis for
this argument. First, not everyone who attends church is a good
person. Second, and what really bothers me about this question, is
the fact that everything you stated in your question has no context.
You can put those statements anywhere and they don't mean anything
without something before and after. I can not quote the Bible to you
by book, chapter and verse. I do not go to church every Sunday. The
important thing is that I am a good person. I do not steal, kill,
commit adultery or pass judgment. I choose how to lead my life, just
as you choose to lead your life. My lifestyle is not one of a
homosexual nature, and I do not believe that it gives me the right to
judge how anyone else leads theirs. That includes homosexual,
straight, Catholic, rich, poor, etc.
POSTED DEC. 30, 1998
Kristinna, female, 29
<Babs127@aol.com>, Buffalo
, NY
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
The Old Testament has a number of directives more commonly
known as the Mosaic Laws. Scholars debate their application on a
daily basis. However, a common mistake I find that homosexuals make
is that they tend to point to other "sins" as if that somehow negates
their own. Your question mentions "adulterers." If a man murders but
does not steal, he has nonetheless killed and therefore sinned. He
has but committed a different sin. While he is not a thief, he
is a murderer. Homosexuals should not point to other sins as
vindication. God is very clear on the issue of homosexuality:; please
see Lev 18:22, I Kings 14:24, Lev 20:13, Romans 1:24,26,27, Gen
13-19.
POSTED DEC. 30, 1998
Pastor M.B., 30, Clearwater , FL
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
Using the Bible to justify homophobia follows the same
pattern as using it to justify slavery. I agree, homosexuals need not
point to other "sins" for comparison - because homosexuality is not a
sin. How do I know? Every reference to the "sin" of homosexuality in
the Bible is made by a human being, not Jesus (who said nothing about
homosexuals) and not God. Oh, and one other little tiny shred of
proof.: Not one of the Ten Commandants has "unless you're gay"
attached to them. The reason gay issues are getting more attention
now is that gays are no longer tolerating the bigotry directed
against them. The other point is many Americans are discovering that
using the Bible as justifcation for action or inaction against
another American is not going to cut it anymore. Quoting anti-gay,
female, black scripture (all of which resides in the Bible) is wrong,
period. It can be quoted, justified, discussed and argued all day
long. The bottom line is fair-minded Americans (who are the majority)
know that equality means all Americans.
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
Alma, methodist, Gay American
<pridewks@seacove.net>,
Kempner, TX
To respond
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THE QUESTION:
SO111: Why do gay men in the United States or United Kingdom
look as if they are straight? I mean, in the Philippines we have drag
queens everywhere...
POSTED DEC. 22, 1998
Vic, 19, Asian male, Puerto Princes, Palawan, The Philippines
ANSWER 1:
Men's desire for sex with other men shows up in every
culture, but how that is expressed seems to be influenced
strongly by culture. Nearly everywhere, gay men have at least some
association with feminine characteristics (we've got drag queens,
too). But some cultures seem to imagine that the two are actually the
same; that is, if you're gay, then you automatically look/act/feel
like a woman. Two things happen in those cultures: 1) Gay men learn
to fit the stereotype. They learn to act - and often to think of
themselves - like women. 2) Straight people - and some gays - never
notice the gays who don't fit the stereotype. I don't know, since
I've never been there, but maybe there are straight-acting gay men in
the Phillipines, but they blend in and don't draw attention to
themselves. In the United States, the less-flamboyant gays are making
a lot of noise and being very visible. As gays become more
self-defining, and as women push for closer examination of sex roles,
cultures get more sophisticated about the difference between sexual
orientation and sex-role stereotype.
POSTED DEC. 27, 1998
Will H., gay male, 48
<tccwill@flash.net>,
Dallas, TX
To respond
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