Best of the Week
of Jan. 7, 2001
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Jan. 7, 2001, as selected
by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the Week"
entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing Y?'s new
database using the search form, or, in the
case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in the
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the new database as
well). In the Original Archives and the new database, you will find
questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer any questions
relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask any
provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily
meant to represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can
provide a window into the insights of an individual from that
group.
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guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
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Question:
I have noticed many hospital employees wearing their scrubs in
restaurants and other places outside of the hospital. I thought
scrubs were worn in hospitals for sanitary reasons. Doesn't it defeat
the purpose of sanitation when the scrubs are worn as street clothes?
POSTED 1/9/2001
Gena L., Chicago, IL, United States, Female
Mesg ID 87200094435
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Question:
I have always wondered how a girl arrives at the point of
displaying her private parts to strangers for money, and what the
circumstances are. Little girls aspire to be doctors, actresses and
lawyers, but surely not nude dancers, so how do they become dancers?
Yet I find most nude dancers at strip clubs fascinating. Most I've
talked to come from white, middle-class backgrounds and are bright
and educated. One girl I got a lap dance from was born and raised in
Beverly Hills and attends a reputable four-year university. Not quite
a teenage runaway from a troubled home life. So how do these girls
become nude dancers? Were they abused sexually in childhood, thus the
'different' view of sexuality? At what point does money become more
important than maintaining one's sexual privacy?
POSTED 5/15/2000
Noah, Los Angeles, CA, United States, Male, Straight, engineer,
Over 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 14200093007
Responses:
I was a topless dancer, and while I've given different reasons
for doing it, I know the real reason stems from the fact that I was
molested many times as a child and raped many times as a young adult.
Although - as we have seen in the other responses - not all sex
industry workers are victims of child abuse, I believe people like me
strip to try to gain a sense of power and control over their
sexuality. It is also a temporary rush and a high. It is a quick,
easy way to get superficial affirmation and approval - a way to gain
a false sense of self-esteem. Eventually this backfires. Perhaps
there are people who work in the sex industry who don't have issues
like this, and perhaps the occupation will not affect them adversely,
but I have a hard time believing it. I think a person has to have
some sort of sexuality, self-esteem, male, control or power issue to
choose this profession. Many women in the business feel their choices
are limited because of education, money or raising a child alone, or
perhaps they just feel they aren't good at anything else. Other
factors, like the glamorization of the job, the attention, the money
(obviously), the fun of getting dressed up and looking sexy every
night, the enjoyment of dancing and performing, getting to meet all
kinds of different and interesting people, being able to talk about
things you wouldn't with a person you meet on the street, the free
drinks/drugs/parties, etc., may all lure and keep a woman in the job,
but in my case, and in the case of too many women in the industry,
the underlying factor is having been taken advantage of, objectified
and dehumanized in the past, mostly in a sexual manner. I, too, am
white, was raised in a very affluent community, was sent to an
expensive, private, Christian college and have a high IQ. I was
living on my own and wanted more financial freedom and enjoyed the
freedom the money from dancing gave me, but I bet I would have never
thought seriously about being a stripper to get that money if it
weren't for some of my previous life experiences, namely molestation
and rape.
POSTED 1/9/2001
Heather, Minneapolis, MN, United States, 22, Female,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, 2 Years of College , Upper middle class
Mesg ID 880083610
I know a lot of people in the S & M scene, and one very
prominent dynamic is exhibitionism. We LIKE to be seen and admired,
and nudity is not a big issue. Just think: the audience not only
admires your beauty, but we pay cash for the privilege!
POSTED 1/9/2001
Kerry, Ventura, CA, United States, 30, Female, Wiccan,
White/Caucasian, Lesbian, Theater Stagehand, Over 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 102100123538
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Question:
It appears to be widely accepted that most of the major news
media - NBC, CNN, ABC, CBS, etc. - have news anchors and reporters
whose cultural and political leanings are primarily liberal. This
explains the slant put on news today, but what I don't understand is,
why do so many liberals enter this field? I recognize that there are
the Rush Limbaughs and Dr. Lauras who have talk radio shows, but
these are syndicated and not part of the mainstream news that people
see every night while eating supper. Do liberals enter this field
specifically in an effort to influence the thoughts and attitudes of
viewers?
POSTED 1/9/2001
Kathy, Springfield, IL, United States, 47, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Medical, Over 4 Years of College , Upper middle
class
Mesg ID 9132000104306
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Question:
Why is sex with children legal in Japan? What is the reasoning
behind it? How do the Japanese feel about this 'Rorikon' (Japanese
for 'Lolita complex' - meaning an older man after a young girl.)? Is
there an opposing view? How do Japanese Americans feel about it?
POSTED 1/8/2001
J., Pittsburgh, PA, United States
Mesg ID 15200154540
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Question:
How would I be able to learn to act 'more black' around my
black friends?
POSTED 1/8/2001
Zip, Vancouver, British Columbia, NA, Canada, 17, Male,
Catholic, White/Caucasian, Straight, Student, Upper middle class
Mesg ID 172001114441
Responses:
Why would you want to act more black? No one can acquire the
skills to 'act more black.' Being black isn't having a certain walk,
talk, clothing, etc. It's a collaboration of things. Being black is
an experience. Instead of trying to be more of something you're not,
try learning more about the black culture as a whole. Learn the
history, food, art, experiences, music, etc. through books,
magazines, classes, films, documentaries and so on. Learning more
about black culture is the best way to fit in with your friends.
Trying too hard will only make you look foolish, and I am sure that's
not what you want.
POSTED 1/10/2001
Krystall, Miami, FL, United States, 25, Female, Christian, Black,
Spanish, Indian, British and Italian, Straight, broadcasting, Over 4
Years of College
Mesg ID 192001112023
Please don't try to 'act black.' I am sure your efforts to mimic
your perception of black culture would be offensive and would not be
appreciated. Besides, there is no such thing as 'acting black.' The
range of behaviors, dress, language and style within the black
community is immense. When you say you want to 'act black,' do you
mean you want to adopt the hip-hop culture? The militant? The
religious? The 'Buppy?' Do you want to emulate black professionals,
black athletes, black drug addicts, black entertainers, the black
working class, black politicians, black ministers, black activists,
black entrepeneurs, black academics...? You see my point? If your
friends are truly your friends, they will like and appreciate you for
who you are. Don't try to be someone you're not. Try being yourself.
POSTED 1/10/2001
Alicia, Pensacola, FL, United States, 32, Female, Black/African
American, Attorney, Over 4 Years of College , Upper middle class
Mesg ID 192001115105
Zip, if they are your friends, they will accept you for who you
are. Why try to act 'more anything' than you are? Also, they might
not appreciate you thinking that 'black' is a way to act. I know that
I don't appreciate it when people here in the states try to adopt
what they perceive to be cultural characteristics of African
Americans and think it will bring them closer to me. My culture and
history are something that cannot be bought or sold. If you're really
interested in learning about the culture of your black friends, why
not ask them about some good books to read and study?
POSTED 1/10/2001
L.T., Indianapolis, IN, United States, 21, Female, Christian,
Black/African American, Straight, 4 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 19200144028
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Question:
I don't have a particularly glamorous job, but it's low-stress,
I enjoy it and it pays my bills every month. I've joined a singles
web site, and some of the women who have caught my eye on the site
are 'professional' women who work office jobs. I've sent messages to
three so far: one responded to me asking what I do for a living. I
told her and she hasn't talked to me since. The other two ignored me,
despite the fact that their ads made it sound like I could be a match
for them personality-wise. Are so-called 'independent women' willing
to give guys with lower incomes a fair chance, or do they prefer guys
who make as much or more than they do?
POSTED 1/8/2001
Dave, Berea, SC, United States, 26, Male, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Cashier, 4 Years of College , Lower middle class
Mesg ID 17200130402
Responses:
I am a professional woman with a PhD. I married a guy who was a
'poor guy' and boy, and was that a mess. I have dated men from
lower-income brackets, and I find that, when it comes down to it,
they are attracted to me because I am a doctor and have money, not
because I am a cool chick to hang with. I routinely do not date men
from lower-income brackets for this reason. Additionally, as a
well-educated woman, I prefer that the men I date are well-educated
as well. This often means they are in similarly high-level
professions. Not that I or any of my 'independent woman' friends
would never consider dating a 'poor guy,' just that it would
definitely not be my first choice in men.
POSTED 1/9/2001
Leslie, Tampa, FL, United States, 26, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Health Care Professional, Over 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 18200184658
Before I married, I dated several people with significantly less
income than mine and had many problems as a result of it. We weren't
able to do many of the things I wanted to do or go places I wanted to
go because of money. Even if I was willing to pay my own way, they
often couldn't afford the nice restaurants or occasional weekend
getaway. When I offered to pick up the tab, egos were bruised. On the
flipside, there were those who were more than happy to tag along -
always at my expense - which gets old pretty quick. In one of the
more serious relationships - someone I lived with - it soon became
clear that there wasn't an equality of responsibility or motivation.
I was responsible for our lifestyle and held down a very stressful
job to support it while he had a no-stress, low-salaried job but
reaped and enjoyed all the benefits of my hard work. Now I am married
to a man whose salary may not match mine dollar for dollar but who
supports and contributes to our lifestyle in a fair way. We may never
be 'rich,' but I feel like I have a partner, which makes all the
difference in the world to me.
POSTED 1/9/2001
Alicia, Pensacola, FL, United States, 32, Female, Black/African
American, Attorney, Over 4 Years of College , Upper middle class
Mesg ID 192001112821
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Question:
Why is minority recruitment for HIV vaccine trials always so
difficult? I remember the horrible Tuskeegee experiment, but that was
decades ago. Still, perhaps this remains part of the background
problem? Or is it difficulty with governmental paternalism? Or, is
the conspiracy theory of HIV's governmental manufacture really that
strong? Or a combination of issues? How can confidence be
strengthened?
POSTED 1/8/2001
Curious, Los Angeles, CA, United States, Female,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, Over 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 18200130931
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Question:
Why do African-Americans come 'unglued' when they are informed
of the death of a close kin? Are they acting for the benefit of those
around them? Or is it a learned behavior? Blacks who belong to
Catholic churches and Episcoplian churches do not seem to exhibit
this behavior. Is it a fundamentist exhibition? Are they doing it for
the benefit of those around them? Are they 'acting'.
POSTED 1/8/2001
Bob, Fincher, FL, United States, 67, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, retired, 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 16200185604
Responses:
Perhaps it's the emotions of extreme grief, sadness and shock
that makes some blacks wail at the news of the passing of a friend or
loved one. Not all blacks do this, just as not all whites are solemn
when they receive the same kind of news.
POSTED 1/8/2001
K.C. Tate, Jacksonville, FL, United States, Female, Black/African
American, Paralegal
Mesg ID 182001100937
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Question:
Does it hurt to have anal sex?
POSTED 1/4/2001
Happy Love Camp, Boston, MA, United States
Mesg ID 12292000113111
Responses:
I haven't tried anal sex but my general experience of
heterosexual sex has been like Mark's experience of anal sex. So,
maybe, there is not as much difference as people think. Yes, I
realize there is no natural lubrication, etc. with anal sex, but if
you use enough lubricant, I have been told, it won't hurt.
POSTED 1/8/2001
Priscilla, Sydney, NA, Australia, 23, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, 4 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 16200130639
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Question:
Why do black women overlook or disregard black men in
wheelchairs? Every man in a wheelchair is not helpless.
POSTED 1/4/2001
D.L. Hollis, Carbondale, IL, United States,
<NasD247@aol.com>, Male, Christian, Black/African American,
Straight, Paralyzed, student, Over 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 12272000125257
Responses:
I don't think it is fair to categorize all black women as not
giving disabled guys a chance. I personally would not want to date a
person in a wheel chair. Let's be honest, everyone prefers to get a
perfect package in a partner. If I fall in love with a guy who is
disabled, I would not deny my heart, but I prefer a perfect man. It
is easier for disabled men to find partners than disabled women. so
don't give up.
POSTED 1/8/2001
Ify, Miami, FL, United States, Female, Black/African American
Mesg ID 16200140231
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Question:
I am in a relationship with a woman who has had lesbian
experiences. She tells me I am great in bed. She tells me the only
way she can have an orgasm is by oral sex or other means. But one
time I felt her ejaculation come out, but she didn't recognize it. My
question is, do lesbian experiences make a woman ignorant about or
unfamiliar with experiences with a man?
POSTED 1/4/2001
Mike M., Huber Heights, OH, United States,
<songtus@yahoo.com>, 18, Male
Mesg ID 1225200030437
Responses:
I can see that you are trying to understand your girlfriend's
position, but it also sounds like you're saying you know more than
she does about how and when she has an orgasm. Her perspective is the
only one that matters in terms of whether she has an orgasm.
Experiences with women do not necessarily make women get less out of
experiences with men, if the women are bisexual. However, if your
girlfriend is a lesbian, then she would not be interested in men
sexually, so this seems unlikely. The other possibility is that she
is not sure at the moment. I can tell you I fluctuate between being
interested in men or women or both.
POSTED 1/8/2001
Priscilla, Sydney, NA, Australia, 23, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, 4 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 16200124253
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Question:
I am researching the American addiction to chewing gum and am
astounded by the similarities to drug addiction. I was taught that
gum chewing at work was unprofessional and unladylike, yet I know
several people who cannot function at work without gum in their
mouths that they are constantly popping and cracking. I recently
watched two well-paid telemarketers lose their jobs due to their
refusal to not chew gum while serving customers on the phone. I also
watched a young lady walk into a job interview chewing gum and then
wonder why she didn't get the job. Several teachers tell me this is
one of the primary problems they have in classrooms. The anger and
defiance attached to this behavior leads me to believe it's an
addiction, not a habit. Can anyone explain this?
POSTED 1/4/2001
Alma, Kempner, TX, United States, 47, Female, Methodist,
White/Caucasian, Lesbian, unemployed, 4 Years of College, Lower
middle class
Mesg ID 12292000100744
Responses:
I've noticed that phenomena as well, and it does seem that some
habitual gum chewers cannot function without gum. I have known some
gum chewers who went through several big packs of gum a day, just as
a chain smoker would with cigarettes. Being deprived of gum would
cause these individuals the same anxiety and discomfort that smokers
seem to have when deprived of cigarettes. Further, it seems that
there is a conflict between what is considered acceptable gum-chewing
behavior and what is considered acceptable behavior for other
activities. For example, very few people would sit at the dinner
table and chew with their mouth open, chomping loudly, rolling the
food around in their mouths for all to see. To show someone the
chewed food in your mouth is considered at best juvenile and at
worst, seriously distasteful, but it is quite common to see people
blowing and popping bubbles, cracking and smacking their gum and
chomping away with their mouths wide open. If asked to please keep
their gum quiet and chew with the mouths closed, gum chewers will
often look at you like you have three heads and respond in a
passive-agressive fashion of chewing louder and cracking their gum
more often. I have been told that rapid repetitive movements such as
gum chewing have a calming effect, as they cause small amounts of
serotonin to be released in the brain. If this is true, perhaps, gum
chewing can be seen as an addiction for some because they become
hooked on the drugging effect their own serotonin has on them.
POSTED 1/8/2001
Robin, Pittsburgh, PA, United States, 25, Female, White/Caucasian,
researcher, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 15200150259
I work in an office of a large company and am surrounded by black
women who constantly pop their gum while chewing. I think this is a
'black' thing - the popping and cracking -because I know white people
who can chew gum quietly and not pop. To me, this is just like eating
with your mouth open, and it digusts me. I cannot find any way to
express my disgust without causing a problem at work; therefore, I
must put up with it daily.
POSTED 1/8/2001
Hate the Poppers, Detroit, MI, United States, Female,
White/Caucasian
Mesg ID 17200161019
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