Original Message (Pre-Screened)
Category: General Diversity
Subject: Fathers/Daughters - time spent together
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I'm curious what women think about their relationship with their fathers while growing up, specifically how much time you needed to see them. What do women out there think? Would weekends and a kiss at night have been enough for you, or is more of Dad without bounds always better? At what age were you able to truly understand the pressures on your father?
Posted:10/24/2007
By:
Nick , Melbourne, NA, Australia , 37 , Male , White/Caucasian , Straight , University , Over 4 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID: 21ab7166-58c0-4a26-9d09-30c218092538
Responses:5
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Pre-screened Responses
Category: General Diversity
Subject: Daddy-Daughter time
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NO! Weekends and a kiss good-night are NOT enough! A girl needs her Dad just as much as a boy does. Children of both genders need a male and female influence in their lives. A girl learns what she does (and doesn't) want out of a man and how she can and should be treated by a man from her Dad.
My Dad was often on business from before school until evening, and when he did see me, he was tired and/or stressed, or I was on my way to bed.
On the flip-side, if you do only see a child on the weekends, you can't just be their 'friend' ... they still need a real father, not a buddy.

Posted:7/25/2008
By:
Anne C, Indy, IN, United States , 49 , Female , White/Caucasian , Straight , High School Diploma , Middle class
Mesg ID: 7ac3d4f4-f9f3-4ec3-8431-cea909a6c056
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Unscreened Responses
Category: General Diversity
Subject: Fathers/Daughters - time spent together
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From a man's point of view...

I am married to my best friend, a woman who innately understands me very well, with little or no explanation. Needless to say, she has a very good relationship with not only her father, but also her brothers. I totally believe that, just as a man's ability to have a healthy relationship can be gauged by his relationship with Mom, a woman's ability to have healthy relationships with the opposite sex is strongly influenced by the men in her family.

When I look back on past relationships before I met my wife, it seems that the women I had the most problems with had either 1) an absent father, or 2) a father that she disliked or hated. What I find especially interesting is that they would say I reminded them of their father (a bad guy), just as my wife says I remind her of HER father (a good guy)! The conclusion I have drawn is that if you don't like Daddy, you also won't like your boyfriend/hubby -- even though you may not see this or admit it to yourself on a conscious level. On the flip side, if you LOVE Daddy, then you are more apt to love your significant other the way that he deserves to be loved. I'm no psychologist, but I have drawn this conclusion from my own personal experiences.

I will even take it a step further and use my own mother as an example. Her father was killed in a car accident when she was just four years old. Her stepfather also died when she was a teenager. But even though both father figures were a part of her life only briefly, they both were very loving toward their children/stepchildren, and her memories of both men were positive. My mom is still married to my dad after 40+ years. Although they have had a few rough spots, it's still pretty clear to me that they love each other very much.

So ladies, if you are finding you are having a lot of trouble in your relationships, this may be something worth looking into. As with anything else, the more you are willing to be honest with yourself, the greater your opportunity for improvement and success. :-)

Posted:4/29/2009
By:
Raphael S., Baltimore, MD, United States , Male , Black/African American , Straight , Information Technology
Mesg ID: 17bc756b-e416-46f9-8c7b-8fe191bfe584
Responses:0
Category: General Diversity
Subject: FAthers and daughters
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My dad was a doctor and we kids saw very little of him growing up. We were given the impression that it was because he was doing something more important, saving lives.

That was partly true, but when I confronted dad about it in my 30's, he told me the truth: he was just avoiding my mom, a nagging wife. I still resent not getting to see much of him.

However, I worked at his office one summer as a teenager and got to seem him in a whole different context where he was relaxed, competent and funny. It's a shame that a bad marriage get him from us kids.

Just Curious
Posted:11/17/2008
By:
Shirley Avery, St. Louis, MO, United States , 50 , Female , Jewish , White/Caucasian , Straight , 4 Years of College
Mesg ID: a3e43fa0-5964-4f9f-ac53-3a6139dcba70
Responses:0
Category: General Diversity
Subject: Fathers/Daughters
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Time with my Dad was very important! I would describe myself as a Daddy's girl and even now as an adult make a point of spending time/calling my Dad. As the sole provider, my brother and I knew he was busy and stressed, but that did not stop him from spending time with us on weekends. He used to put us to bed and night and I can still remember him taking the time to blow dry my hair just the way I wanted it or later on a a teenager the conversations we had while going to syncronized swimming meets. Those were the best because I had his undivided attention and we talked about anything and everything... it is very important to play a active role in your childrens lives. As a result of the closeness we have, I feel I can talk to or come to my parents with anything and that is a nice feeli
Posted:9/26/2008
By:
Serilda E, Jacksonville, FL, United States , 31 , Female , White/Caucasian , Straight , 2 Years of College , Lower middle class
Mesg ID: eaffdec3-f874-47d6-9044-a79b22b6157b
Responses:0
Category: General Diversity
Subject: Dad time
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I think Dad time is always good! I grew up in a happy 2 parent home, but still remember that my dad and I walked to Donutland every Saturday morning (we were the only 2 up), where he would drink coffe with a cherry donut and I got chocolate chip! We read the newspaper together. I appreciate my dad and the pressures upon him more each day- but the unconditional support my parents provided when I lost my job, and when my dad was job hunting, and when my grandma was diagnosed with cancer made me think of them differently. Also, reading what my dad wrote about his relationship with his mom for her 80th birthday.

Posted:1/25/2008
By:
Anne C, Iowa City, IA, United States , 24 , Female , Catholic , White/Caucasian , 4 Years of College , Lower middle class
Mesg ID: 75d9efdb-307d-4ddf-b8ef-cc411f7501d5
Responses:0
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